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Original poster

We want our evenings back

225 replies

IvanaB · 17/01/2023 20:48

Does anyone have any tips on how to get a toddler to go to sleep alone?

My DS is 31 months. Since birth he was rocked to sleep. When he became too big to be rocked he had to be bounced (we had to be standing, not sitting). Our backs were breaking as he's a big boy.

He's now 31 months and moved from his cot to a single bed a couple of months ago. Since then, he can fall asleep in his bed but either DH or I have to be sitting beside his bed singing to him. We wouldn't have an issue with this if it didn't take, on average, 1.5 - 2hrs for him to fall asleep. Some nights it can take longer. He's in bed for 7.30/8 but often doesn't go to sleep until 9/9.30pm by which time, we are shattered and good for nothing.

He still gets up during the night too and needs us to repeat the process (thankfully it usually doesn't take anywhere near as long). We're just lucky that our 10 month old sleeps fairly well.

I'd love to be able to tuck him into bed, read him a story, sing him a lullaby and then leave him to drift off.

OP posts:
Original poster
IvanaB · 17/01/2023 22:54

SnowyOwl1 · 17/01/2023 22:48

31 months 🤣 yes but how many days old are they?????

I think what you meant to say is "my 2 and a half year old..."

🥱

OP posts:
Original poster
IvanaB · 17/01/2023 22:55

Whyjustwhy123 · 17/01/2023 22:52

6 Toddlers eventually learn to sleep but arseholes remain arseholes.

So your winning.

Show quote history

👍

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 17/01/2023 22:57

The yo-to sounds good.

We did gradual retreat on our older one who was about 2.5, just before we had our second. Before that, we were lying in the spare bed next to his until he fell asleep. We explained to him that we couldn’t keep doing that with the new baby coming and he took it quite well. A few days sitting on the bed, inside the door, outside the door, on the landing… he got there!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9-12 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
deltablue · 17/01/2023 22:57

31 months? ROTFlMAO

CrotchetyQuaver · 17/01/2023 22:58

I used to do the bath story cuddle thing and then they were left with either a story tape running or music, they took it in turns to choose what it would be. We would potter about upstairs for a bit but they usually fell asleep listening to the story/music without needing one of us to go back in to see to them.

Original poster
IvanaB · 17/01/2023 22:58

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 17/01/2023 22:43

Just to echo PP's

31 months 😂😂😂

He's 2 and a half love

Exhibit A of a number 5.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 17/01/2023 22:59

PS the younger one was a friffing nightmare sleeper though, so thank god we didn’t have two at once!

JML001 · 17/01/2023 22:59

IvanaB · 17/01/2023 22:53

Have you read my earlier replies about him crying, screaming and getting out of bed when left?

Show quote history

Yes, what is your point? Every single time put him back to bed. Every single time.🤷🏻‍♀️

HiddenGiraffes · 17/01/2023 22:59

Just seen he's napping 1.5 hours a day. That's your issue, you need to drop or massively reduce the nap. He's just not tired enough at bedtime.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 17/01/2023 22:59

Im sorry but Its no wonder if you have spent the last nearly 3 years rocking and bouncing him.

You have essentially created this problem. It won't be solved overnight.

Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 23:00

You need to break the cycle of what you're doing otherwise he's never going to self soothe

SheilaFentiman · 17/01/2023 23:00

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 17/01/2023 22:59

Im sorry but Its no wonder if you have spent the last nearly 3 years rocking and bouncing him.

You have essentially created this problem. It won't be solved overnight.

OP has literally said this herself, you know.

LordSugarTits · 17/01/2023 23:02

Just keep taking him back to bed.

PurpleWisteria1 · 17/01/2023 23:02

louise5754 · 17/01/2023 21:05

Mine are 10 and 12 and have never gone to bed alone. They are always up and down stairs.

Why haven’t they? Are they NT?

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 17/01/2023 23:02

You just have to put him back in bed time and time again with the same mantra "its time to sleep" .

Yes it will take all evening. And it will take more than one evening.

Theunamedcat · 17/01/2023 23:03

Get an audio version of the rabbit who wants to fall asleep

NooNooHead1981 · 17/01/2023 23:04

Ignore the horrid PP on here OP. I have total sympathy for you, I still sit with my 4 year old DS and 2 and a half year old DD, and my eldest DD aged 12 was a total nightmare when she was younger, and never went to sleep. She even made herself sick etc as a toddler as she was so averse... but my excuse is that they are all very bright therefore don't switch off easily. If my eldest DD is anything to go by, it is pretty much the reason as she's at a great private school and is going on to do great things (according to her proud and ambitious grandparents lol).

I'm sure it will certainly be a good idea to keep trying different sleep training methods, but don't forget the time doing these things are so short. One day, you will look back fondly on when he needed you so much and it will be something you kind of pine for again. I know that I did as I had two more DC to keep doing it!🤣

AlviesMam · 17/01/2023 23:05

JML001
Yes, let him be.
Have you every left him to sooth himself to sleep? Have you ever allowed him to have his thoughts and dreams to carry him off to sleep?
Or are you always there, singing and holding and talking to him.
Why wouldn't you give a child some space to grow and learn?''

Easier said than done 😂
How I wish my 2 year old would just self soothe dreaming of rainbows and unicorns and having her own space to learn how to go to sleep alone....

Reality is I walk out the room and she screams and cry's to the point I cannot let her work herself up that much.

I will continue to hold and sing to my child until she falls asleep but have seen some good advice on here about more exercise, fresh air and naps! Then on the other hand there will be a day that I crave for these hugs at bedtime when they no longer need me!

I'm sure op has tried this method too.....

Original poster
IvanaB · 17/01/2023 23:07

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 17/01/2023 22:59

Im sorry but Its no wonder if you have spent the last nearly 3 years rocking and bouncing him.

You have essentially created this problem. It won't be solved overnight.

ONCE AGAIN FOR THOSE WHO DON'T/CAN'T/WON'T READ.....

I know we've created this problem.
I'm not asking for a miracle solution that will change things overnight, I'm asking for tips on how to help him and us transition out of the routine that we've created into one that benefit all of us. Just to be clear, that's more sleep for him and more time for us.

OP posts:
Sleepinatent · 17/01/2023 23:08

I had the exact same with my son last year about the same age. He couldn't manage without a nap but nap meant it took him ages to get to sleep at night. I would suggest only letting him nap for an hour which might help a bit but you'll probably find it easier just to suck it up for a bit longer and once he starts to drop his nap it'll sort itself out. Lots of other more proactive advice on here that is worth a try though. Good luck 🤞

LuluBlakey1 · 17/01/2023 23:11

Give us a list of a typical 2 hours worth of songs you sing. Do you repeat any or do they all have to be different?

DH used to read DD to sleep and if he deviated from the book by even a couple of words she would 'come round' from being almost asleep and say 'No Daddy '.

ComfortablyDazed · 17/01/2023 23:11

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 17/01/2023 22:43

Just to echo PP's

31 months 😂😂😂

He's 2 and a half love

Thank God you came along to make the tired joke for the 378th time.

This thread reminds me why this is the last place I’d ever come for advice - especially about parenting.

DarkShade · 17/01/2023 23:12

I find that communication and making sure he knows what to expect is key, in language that he will understand. Say to him: "We'll read a story and then sing two songs, then I'll go to my bed / downstairs / whatever." Read the story, repeat the plan. "We'll sing two songs now, then I'll tuck you in and I'll go downstairs, What two songs would you like?" You get the idea. Then tuck in, say goodnight, leave. Guide him back to bed and leave swiftly each time. Yes your baby will probably wake up, but if you bring bedtime forward there will be time to settle baby again, and within the week he should get the idea.

Haven't read full thread so don't know if it's been suggested, but a gro clock worked really for us. It's an illuminated clock with a picture of stars, and at wake up time a picture of the sun comes up. You show the child how it works and tell them that they can get up when the sun comes up, and need to stay in bed if its the stars. It's a simple rule and it feels to them like an external rule, they don't realise you set the clock, so it takes the frustration they feel about not being able to get up away from you.

Foxglovers · 17/01/2023 23:12

I still lie with mine until they fall asleep. DD was like your son at that age and we just dropped her nap - so I still get to cuddle her to sleep it just takes about 5 minutes at most and she’s often asking to go to bed at 6.30! I think there are ways where you can still give him the comfort he needs to go to sleep. Definitely one for dropping the nap!

onestarrynight · 17/01/2023 23:16

Explain to him, kindly but firmly, that now he's big enough to go to sleep by himself. Tell him what the routine is going to be and stick to it, taking him back to bed every time he gets up. Tips that helped us: tell him cuddles are for before bedtime and in the morning but not at night. Be kind but incredibly dull during the night: speak as little as possible and in a whisper. Remind him to cuddle his favourite teddy (AKA mummy substitute). And have faith that he'll be fine and can manage this transition even when he makes it clear that he doesn't like it at first.