Friend and her BIG house

subtoprem · 2023-01-17T06:19:37+00:00

I have a friend I met through a hobby about five years ago. She lives in a big house that I've been to quite a few times, so I'm fully aware, but she drops it in conversation all the time. Is this weird? Eg. I moan about having some cleaning to do, her "think yourself lucky you don't have to clean my big house!" Conversation about when our kids were growing up "well, I've been lucky living in a big house, so much easier with space" Inane chat about the size of her dog "yes, I'm so glad I have a big house!" Seriously, it gets shoehorned into a conversation every time we meet (maybe once a month) I don't care about the size of her house 😂

Cinnabomb · 17/01/2023 06:24

i have a friend that does this. The funny thing is, her house isn’t actually that big. Don’t get me wrong it’s lovely and big by most peoples standards (4 bed Edwardian rectory style) but compared to the house I grew up in it’s not very remarkable! Not a stealth brag, but I think this is the sort of thing where unless you’re living on a sprawling estate it’s really cringe to say - and most people who have houses that big have the decorum not to brag about it!

Riverlee · 17/01/2023 06:28

What’s her background?

Is she from an impoverished background and so proud of her house? Or slightly embarrassed she lives in such a big house, so tries to downplay it? (Or both).

Original poster

subtoprem · 17/01/2023 06:39

Riverlee · 17/01/2023 06:28

What’s her background?

Is she from an impoverished background and so proud of her house? Or slightly embarrassed she lives in such a big house, so tries to downplay it? (Or both).

Neither really - it's not like it's a mansion or anything either, just a farmhouse type of place.

It's inherited (years ago) and still full of old furniture etc, not the type of house people would fawn over and I've not paid it much attention. I have friends with much nicer houses that I would feel envious of, but hers isn't one of them. Maybe that's the problem!

OP posts:

Simonjt · 17/01/2023 06:47

I have a friend who does this, he is currently claiming he can’t afford his utility bills, yet he can afford a cleaner, a gardener, a million pound house, a range rover and matching his and hers aston martins in a custom colour named after their cat…

Ridelikethewindypops · 17/01/2023 06:49

Maybe she actually doesn't like it? Inherited big old house with dusty old furniture....maybe she dreams of a modern 2 bed apartment somewhere thst it only takes 20 minutes to clean.
What stage of life is she at? If her kids are grown and gone maybe she's thinking of downsizing.
Or maybe she's bragging, hard to say really 🤷‍♂️

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 06:52

Oh God. I had a friend like that. Always going on about her “big house”. Every bloody conversation.

When we bought a house (a three bed semi, eve horror!) she came round and kept saying how it was sweet “for a small family” and used to make ducking movements when she went though a normal sized door and used to do exaggerated squeezing against the wall motions like Hyacinth Bucket if you walked into a normal, 12x12 foot room and He would say, “oh gosh. I am just used to my big rooms!”

It was tedious.

stillsmilingtoday · 17/01/2023 06:55

Big houses are a complete nightmare and money pit but you can’t complain about them to many people for obvious reasons. Maybe she feels comfortable enough with you that she thinks she can say these things without being judged?
if you do think she’s bragging then call her out on it kindly and I’d be surprised if she doesn’t stop.

Notplayingball · 17/01/2023 06:56

Probably overcompensating for other areas of her life that aren't so great...

Ridelikethewindypops · 17/01/2023 06:57

used to make ducking movements when she went though a normal sized door and used to do exaggerated squeezing against the wall motions
This is hilarious 😂

Wilkolampshade · 17/01/2023 07:00

God you're all MUCH nicer than me - if I were on the receiving end of any of this shit I wouldn't be able to stop myself saying something very direct....

PurpleFlower1983 · 17/01/2023 07:01

I have a relative who does this, it’s a 3 bed, very small new build that’s much smaller than our 4 bed end terrace but he says it all the time.

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 07:01

Ridelikethewindypops · 17/01/2023 06:57

used to make ducking movements when she went though a normal sized door and used to do exaggerated squeezing against the wall motions
This is hilarious 😂

Her best one ever was at another friends house, she walked in holding her baby and very was dramatically shielding the babies head as “oh gosh, I am just not used to these low ceilings, it’s terrifying, sorry!”

Normal height ones! The same as in her huge house! 🤣

MysteryBelle · 17/01/2023 07:02

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 06:52

Oh God. I had a friend like that. Always going on about her “big house”. Every bloody conversation.

When we bought a house (a three bed semi, eve horror!) she came round and kept saying how it was sweet “for a small family” and used to make ducking movements when she went though a normal sized door and used to do exaggerated squeezing against the wall motions like Hyacinth Bucket if you walked into a normal, 12x12 foot room and He would say, “oh gosh. I am just used to my big rooms!”

It was tedious.

This made my day, 😂😂😂

Mortimermay · 17/01/2023 07:02

I know someone who does this too and they don't appreciate it if you're not interested enough in their big house. In this case, it's definitely bragging because it's not the only thing they brag about. They like to compare themselves against others all the time, usually with material things e.g. cars, holidays, and having a big house is their way of feeling as though they're doing better than whoever they're talking to.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 17/01/2023 07:04

She should try living in Nottingham Cottage it's tiny, the staff keep banging their heads on the low ceilings, and the cat hits every wall and I'm not even holding it with an outstretched arm.

HandsOffMyCarrierBags · 17/01/2023 07:06

Total disinterest is the way forward, change the topic

ClarissaParry · 17/01/2023 07:11

When my neighbours moved in, the previous owners of my house were living here still, and would say things like this - we have a bigger garden, our house is bigger, etc. I heard about it years after we bought the place and I still cringe in vicarious embarrassment. We didn't buy a mansion, of course, just an end terrace with a slightly bigger garden than the other houses in the street. (Most other houses have been extended as well)

I've mentioned the size of our house in conversations about lockdown, mostly, because having enough space to spread out and away from each other was something I was specifically grateful for, but it isn't something I've built my identity or ego around! I agree with pp about it not being something worth talking about unless you've got an estate, and then of course, you wouldn't.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 17/01/2023 07:11

Squeal in exasperation you worry about ringing her incase the phone signal doesn't reach to the west wing....

Cosycover · 17/01/2023 07:12

'do you have a big house? You never mention it'

MysteryBelle · 17/01/2023 07:13

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 17/01/2023 07:04

She should try living in Nottingham Cottage it's tiny, the staff keep banging their heads on the low ceilings, and the cat hits every wall and I'm not even holding it with an outstretched arm.

😂

Lkydfju · 17/01/2023 07:14

As said earlier in the thread people like this are usually over compensating for something else and their own insecurities

AmazingBouncingFerret · 17/01/2023 07:27

I have the opposite. I was very fortunate at a young age to take advantage of a 100% mortgage before the banks went to shit and because of that I’ve climbed the ladder to get a fairly large (but also pretty bog standard) 5 bedroom house. I have a colleague who always shoehorns in something about my “mansion” in front of customers and it can get embarrassing having to explain that it’s not.

barbrahunter · 17/01/2023 07:28

My old next door neighbours used to say that their house was bigger than mine because the builder built it especially for him and his own family to live in. The houses were identical Strangely enough, I remember my mum saying similar about my old childhood home. It must be some sort of weird snobbery. Has anyone else heard someone saying this?

Petronus · 17/01/2023 07:31

Ahh I worked with someone like this, she managed to shoe horn where she lived and how much money her family had into almost every conversation. She was nice otherwise, but I found this quite crass as we were in low paying roles, so obviously others not in the same boat/possibly struggling.

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 07:35

barbrahunter · 17/01/2023 07:28

My old next door neighbours used to say that their house was bigger than mine because the builder built it especially for him and his own family to live in. The houses were identical Strangely enough, I remember my mum saying similar about my old childhood home. It must be some sort of weird snobbery. Has anyone else heard someone saying this?

Yeah, we lived on a 1980s new build estate when I was a child. Identical house across the road, same design, same floor plan, but they insisted theirs was larger.

Some people just need that in their lives. I’ve lived in some horrendous flats and houses when I was renting, where I live isn’t what my self worth or self esteem is built on.