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Original poster

Friend and her BIG house

258 replies

subtoprem · 17/01/2023 06:19

I have a friend I met through a hobby about five years ago.

She lives in a big house that I've been to quite a few times, so I'm fully aware, but she drops it in conversation all the time. Is this weird?

Eg. I moan about having some cleaning to do, her "think yourself lucky you don't have to clean my big house!"

Conversation about when our kids were growing up "well, I've been lucky living in a big house, so much easier with space"

Inane chat about the size of her dog "yes, I'm so glad I have a big house!"

Seriously, it gets shoehorned into a conversation every time we meet (maybe once a month)

I don't care about the size of her house 😂

OP posts:
Scooopsahoy · 17/01/2023 08:56

I know someone who does this but with cars. Every conversation she manages to shoehorn in mentions of her new Range Rover, and her husband’s Porsche.

I’m held tempted to refer to our old bog standard Ford Focus at least five times in every conversation to see if she picks up on it!

Iamthewombat · 17/01/2023 08:57

BringMeTea · 17/01/2023 08:51

Could you start carrying a hipflask of tequila and whip it out and take a nip every time she says the words 'BIG house'?

I bet she wouldn’t notice!

HAHAHA at the Hyacinth Bouquet woman ducking through doors.

You have to wonder about big house boasters. I always assume that they are mediocrities who are nevertheless determined to be special somehow. They can’t just get on with their lives, no. They must be acknowledged. With so little to recommend them - not particularly clever, or witty, or attractive - they resort to building their entire persona around the height of their ceilings or the number of loos in their house.

Shannith · 17/01/2023 08:57

I had a boss like this.

He was a tool and his most hilarious move was to show me and a few other people, the house he was buying on Google maps. I mean it was massive, with stables and 100 acres. A bit bigger his old one apparently but no swimming pool or tennis courts which he was going to have (heavy sign) get built.

I didn't know the phrase at the time, but instead of being impressed we were all thinking small dick energy.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 17/01/2023 09:01

In our old house we had the biggest garden on the street. Not bragging but we did, it was end of terrace and twice the size of the others. I used to mention it from time to time eg duribg lockdown we could spend all day out there, eating, camping, building obstacle courses and dens. I don't see it as bragging, just having a conversation. Is no one allowed to mention anything that sets them apart? Your friend probably feels a bit embarrassed about her inherited house.

SillySausage81 · 17/01/2023 09:02

Is she definitely bragging, or is she just making conversation and commenting on her life? If she grew up in a smaller house than the one she currently lives in, or if she spent her early adult years in much smaller flats and houses, then it could just be that the comparison is constantly on her mind (and not necessarily always in a good way).

A year and a half ago I moved away from an expensive city where me and all my friends were living in cramped 1 or 2 bed city centre flats, and now (for less money) I am living in a medium-sized 3 bed Victorian terrace. So not a mansion by any means, but it certainly feels it compared to what we were used to, and I am still making daily mental comparisons, both good and bad (costs more to heat, takes longer to clean, more space for our stuff, more physical effort going up and down stairs all day, harder to find things you've mislaid...)

Oh also, my husband grew up in a house about 5 times bigger (his parents weren't rich either, they're just from another country where there's more space so land is cheaper) and he is always going on about the difference between our house and his parents' house. It gets irritating sometimes because he makes it sound like it's a massive hardship living in such a (in his eyes) teeny tiny house, when our current house is bigger than the one I grew up in and I never felt like that was a hardship at all, but I know for a fact he's not saying it to brag at all, he's just commenting on what he sees as an objective fact - our house is smaller than his mum's, and it is easier to have family to stay if you've got three guest bedrooms!

Original poster
subtoprem · 17/01/2023 09:02

Apologies, should've put "light hearted" at the beginning!

She isn't a bad person, I'm not losing sleep over it, I just find it a bit weird that she thinks people need reminding every time she sees them (I'm assuming she does it with other people, she might not!)

OP posts:
ItsNotReallyChaos · 17/01/2023 09:04

The only friend I have who has a properly big house is at pains to not draw attention to the fact at all. In fact I've told her she shouldn't be sheepish about it!

Teatime55 · 17/01/2023 09:05

We have a 3 bed house, so do nearby neighbours. There’s is slightly bigger.
The husband constantly mentions it. However, it’s on a noisy road. They bought years after us and have a massive mortgage (we have none) they complain it’s cold and they have no money to make any improvements.
I would like the slightly bigger space but ours is easy to heat and we have cash in the bank.

Saturn88 · 17/01/2023 09:09

That sounds irritating but sometimes I think people can be odd and what sounds like bragging is just them stating the fact that they are aware their house is big. What's annoying is she doesn't appreciate it sounds like bragging.

I have a friend who constantly states her son's abilities, it sounds like she's bragging as we have DSs of a similar age but then she also states her DSs issues a lot too. She's just very open.

I wonder though if your friend isn't happy in her big house?

Alondra · 17/01/2023 09:09

subtoprem · 17/01/2023 09:02

Apologies, should've put "light hearted" at the beginning!

She isn't a bad person, I'm not losing sleep over it, I just find it a bit weird that she thinks people need reminding every time she sees them (I'm assuming she does it with other people, she might not!)

Light-hearted or not, you have an issue with this. You may not be losing sleep over it but you are resentful because otherwise, you wouldn't have posted about it.

I'll repeat what I've said before, if you think she's a good friend, talk to her. There are so many problems, and small resentments between good friends that can be solved with a genuine conversation.

Periodlate · 17/01/2023 09:10

subtoprem · 17/01/2023 08:34

I'm just a bit bemused by it really!

Show quote history

If she talks about it a lot, I reckon the size of it bothers her in some way. Perhaps she doesn’t like it? Does she live alone? Is it draughty?

I’m sure she doesn’t realise that she’s boring people with it. But I often find that if someone talks about one topic a lot, that’s because they ruminate about it a lot.

EveryLittleWish · 17/01/2023 09:12

Unless you are well off , I don’t always associate a big house as a good thing . They can be expensive to renovate or decorate & more timely to clean. It could be a bad execution of your friend having a moan but also trying to be positive?

Minimalme · 17/01/2023 09:12

My own Mother (now cut off by me thankfully) walked into a house we had just moved into (3 bed terrace, perfectly sized for a family) and said:

"Imagine, some people live their whole lives in a house this size".

She is still living in a five bed detached, preparing to take her millions to the grave clutched in her cold, dead hands.

Some people live for material things. They can do what they like but it's not something I put up with.

LoraPiano · 17/01/2023 09:13

Oh this thread is so cathartic. I thought I am the only one who gets annoyed. I have a childhood friend makes 200k+ and has a DETACHED house in London, and shoehorns it into conversation, the amount of work it needs, the mortgage, the gardening requirement etc.

I cut her some slack because she grew up in a flat with 3 other siblings, but god this house business is so tedious.

BigCheeseSandwich · 17/01/2023 09:13

“oh gosh, I am just not used to these low ceilings, it’s terrifying, sorry!”

Terrifying 😂that is amazing.

OfCourseDimSum · 17/01/2023 09:14

I live in a 3 bed semi though it is a decent size I grew up in a 6 bed house with a 2 bed servants quarters attached to it and DH grew up in a 5 bed house that had an in and out drive in a road. So we do feel as if out house is small but to my knowledge when people asked I say I grew up in a large very cold house that was beautiful but a nightmare to live in.

The complaining about cleaning an old big house is quite justified because it’s bloody awful.

BigFloppa · 17/01/2023 09:16

Lkydfju · 17/01/2023 07:14

As said earlier in the thread people like this are usually over compensating for something else and their own insecurities

Yes! I have to confess I used to do this. Before I divorced I lived in a big house. I was desperately unhappy and my ex husband was horrible to me. I would see my friends in their lovely happy homes and I just wanted to make myself feel better. It wasn't a nice trait!

Karma got me though as now I live in a teeny tiny house Grin

gogohmm · 17/01/2023 09:17

Sounds like she actually resents it. I was pleased when my fmh sold because the cleaning of an older larger house is draining

gamerchick · 17/01/2023 09:19

Cosycover · 17/01/2023 07:12

'do you have a big house? You never mention it'

Various of these. Interrupt her and say 'youre going to tell me about your big house aren't you'. 'again with the big house' or whatever. I just wouldn't be able to resist tbh.

Swissmountains · 17/01/2023 09:19

Minimalme · 17/01/2023 09:12

My own Mother (now cut off by me thankfully) walked into a house we had just moved into (3 bed terrace, perfectly sized for a family) and said:

"Imagine, some people live their whole lives in a house this size".

She is still living in a five bed detached, preparing to take her millions to the grave clutched in her cold, dead hands.

Some people live for material things. They can do what they like but it's not something I put up with.

I laughed out loud at your post and what your mum said, until I read about the cold dead hands and immediately wondered if you are getting therapy for this?

Imagining her cold dead hands clutching millions is not healthy mini.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 17/01/2023 09:20

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 17/01/2023 07:04

She should try living in Nottingham Cottage it's tiny, the staff keep banging their heads on the low ceilings, and the cat hits every wall and I'm not even holding it with an outstretched arm.

🤣🤣🤣!

Swissmountains · 17/01/2023 09:21

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 17/01/2023 09:20

🤣🤣🤣!

Show quote history

Don't forget the dog bowl!! You can't even have a good punch up in the kitchen 😂

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 09:21

BigCheeseSandwich · 17/01/2023 09:13

“oh gosh, I am just not used to these low ceilings, it’s terrifying, sorry!”

Terrifying 😂that is amazing.

Every time we went out as a group after that, ever the husband of the friend who’s house she did that in would run a head of us into the pub or restaurant saying “just going to check out the ceiling heights - wouldn’t want to make anyone scared!” 🤣

Always went right over her head, bless her.

Mirabai · 17/01/2023 09:22

OfCourseDimSum · 17/01/2023 09:14

I live in a 3 bed semi though it is a decent size I grew up in a 6 bed house with a 2 bed servants quarters attached to it and DH grew up in a 5 bed house that had an in and out drive in a road. So we do feel as if out house is small but to my knowledge when people asked I say I grew up in a large very cold house that was beautiful but a nightmare to live in.

The complaining about cleaning an old big house is quite justified because it’s bloody awful.

I agree. I think people don’t realise what a handful a big old house is. Cleaning - never done, maintenance - never ending, heating bills - massive. It sort of takes over your life.

I live in a flat that I often complain about being small. Then I feel bad for complaining when some people would love to live in London, indeed some people would love to have a home, so I say I say I guess I’m lucky really - Is that a stealth boast?

123woop · 17/01/2023 09:22

The replies to this are so funny 🤣🤣🤣🤣