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Original poster

Friend and her BIG house

258 replies

subtoprem · 17/01/2023 06:19

I have a friend I met through a hobby about five years ago.

She lives in a big house that I've been to quite a few times, so I'm fully aware, but she drops it in conversation all the time. Is this weird?

Eg. I moan about having some cleaning to do, her "think yourself lucky you don't have to clean my big house!"

Conversation about when our kids were growing up "well, I've been lucky living in a big house, so much easier with space"

Inane chat about the size of her dog "yes, I'm so glad I have a big house!"

Seriously, it gets shoehorned into a conversation every time we meet (maybe once a month)

I don't care about the size of her house 😂

OP posts:
AreOttersJustWetCats · 17/01/2023 08:29

The number of posters criticising braggarts by saying things along the lines of "But her house isn't even that big! Just a normal farmhouse/rectory/5 bed. I used to live in a much bigger house..."

😂😂😂

Nanalisa60 · 17/01/2023 08:29

Well I wonder if she is happy heating her big house.

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 08:29

SaySomethingMan · 17/01/2023 08:25

She sounds like a thoughtful parent.

Show quote history

I was in a very stage whispered way if you see what I mean - I very much lived in the wrong part of town but went to playgroups in the nicer bit. So the other parents were often a little taken aback when they saw our house wasn’t as nice as theirs.

Port1aCastis · 17/01/2023 08:30

I used to have a friend like that but she doesn't speak to me anymore because she was wittering on and bragging about the size of her house and I merely enquired as to when her big mortgage would be paid off but she took umbrage and then didn't speak to me.
Ah well at least I don't have to live with sore ears listening to her brag all the time.

JRsTornadoOfLove · 17/01/2023 08:32

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 17/01/2023 07:04

She should try living in Nottingham Cottage it's tiny, the staff keep banging their heads on the low ceilings, and the cat hits every wall and I'm not even holding it with an outstretched arm.

😂😂

used to make ducking movements when she went though a normal sized door
That is so funny!!

darjeelingrose · 17/01/2023 08:32

Mirabai · 17/01/2023 08:25

Well if you didn’t care about the size of her house, you wouldn’t be on here complaining about it.

Perhaps she just finds it a challenge to look after, but sometimes appreciates it hence dog/children comments.

Show quote history

Do you do this too then? The OP is clearly finding her friend boring and tedious and doesn't care either way about her house. She could have written the same message about any number of things.

Rubyupbeat · 17/01/2023 08:33

It seems we all know someone like this and yet the ones that are used to living in actual large houses, just dont make a thing of it.
I have a friend who I knew for a good few years before going to her house, flippin heck, not quite Downton, but you get my drift.
She inherited it and she told me she never invited people round as she didn't want them to get the wrong idea about her. It was a money pit, but now paying for itself doing weddings, conferences, Chinese and American parties who love staying in places like that.
I also knew another lady ,from the school gates, who never stopped boasting about her huge house and drove about in her personalised Cayenne and always nastily remarked about the kids from the local social housing estate. We didn't see her by secondary school and apparently her husband was inside for money laundering and drug dealing on a huge scale.

Original poster
subtoprem · 17/01/2023 08:34

Wilkolampshade · 17/01/2023 07:00

God you're all MUCH nicer than me - if I were on the receiving end of any of this shit I wouldn't be able to stop myself saying something very direct....

I'm just a bit bemused by it really!

OP posts:
Notformethankyoukindly · 17/01/2023 08:35

I have a friend with a huge mansion and massive garden. ALL her time and energy go on maintaining them, but there’s only her and her weird DH who live there (her adult DC scarpered). Why? Why do people saddle themselves with outsize properties?? When she moans about the work involved in maintaining the plumbing/windows/lawns, I tell her to sell the bloody place so several underhoused families can live there as a commune, get a job, ditch the husband, get a small house and start actually living. But I know she’s now snookered herself and this is it for her now. Sad.

Swissmountains · 17/01/2023 08:35

Your friend is insecure and looking for validation.

I use light humour and it seems to work with people like this.
' It takes so long to clean my big house' my reply 'at least you get your step count done for the day and no need for a gym visit.
'My big house cost a fortune to heat' my reply ' Bargain basements have hot water bottles in the sale if you need one'
'This is just one of my houses, the other three are much bigger' my reply; 'It sounds exhausting for you'

I have found a light touch and reply works best, eventually they have kind of given up. I am so disinterested and unimpressed by the stealth bragging in general.

watcherintherye · 17/01/2023 08:38

he can afford a cleaner, a gardener, a million pound house, a range rover and matching his and hers aston martins in a custom colour named after their cat…

Mocha, amber, jade? Grin

Savoury · 17/01/2023 08:39

My own DH’s family had house dysmorphia when I met him and for many years, he’d talk about the big old country farmhouse he grew up in. It was a very old, wooden beamed country house but less floor space than our own house at the time. It had a nice big garden though but was in a village with the back garden overlooking farming land.

This arose because both parents grew up in a 2-up-2-down with no front garden.. They felt they had made it and it was the biggest house they’d ever both been in when they moved in.

Swissmountains · 17/01/2023 08:40

Notformethankyoukindly · 17/01/2023 08:35

I have a friend with a huge mansion and massive garden. ALL her time and energy go on maintaining them, but there’s only her and her weird DH who live there (her adult DC scarpered). Why? Why do people saddle themselves with outsize properties?? When she moans about the work involved in maintaining the plumbing/windows/lawns, I tell her to sell the bloody place so several underhoused families can live there as a commune, get a job, ditch the husband, get a small house and start actually living. But I know she’s now snookered herself and this is it for her now. Sad.

I wonder why on earth she doesn't hire people to help?

Or is her house maintenance a very convenient excuse to getting out of doing things she doesn't want to do I wonder.....If you are running a mansion most people can stretch financially to staff and help to look after it, I suspect she does have a varied life that perhaps she isn't sharing with you/others for some reason.

Maybe she feels judged, so she pretends to do it all herself.

Original poster
subtoprem · 17/01/2023 08:41

@Mirabai it's genuinely not that, I find it really odd. She's not bragging as such I don't think, she doesn't go on and on but it just gets dropped casually into a conversation every time I see her and I'm not sure why.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 17/01/2023 08:41

Oh god I know someone like this. Never stops crapping on about her 'large Edwardian house' 🥱

BevMarsh · 17/01/2023 08:42

Woman I work with is like this.
She was once talking to a new colleague about her large kitchen with range, the high ceilings, large picture-railed rooms and having the largest bathroom she'd ever seen.
One day I had visit her at home due to work.
She lived in an end terrace which yes, was old and had high ceilings but was in no was huge or 'wow'. At all.
Same woman used to talk about how much bigger her car was than mine.
It was marginally larger.
Once had a courtesy car at work that was exactly the same as mine and she complained the company had paid for the most basic crappy car they could find😂.

I feel sorry for her that she must be lacking something in life to act like this.

Alondra · 17/01/2023 08:42

subtoprem · 17/01/2023 08:34

I'm just a bit bemused by it really!

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Instead of being bemused and complaining on MN, what about raising the issue with her?

medianewbie · 17/01/2023 08:47

NeedAHoliday2021 · 17/01/2023 08:06

I had a friend who went in about having 4 toilets because her house was so big. The fact we have an extra living room downstairs was lost on her and we were clearly supposed to be jealous but we’d just moved from a 3 storey home and specifically chose not to buy the house she bought. Dh refers to her as 4 toilets 😆

I had an NCT friend whom I eventually just thought of as '4 loo Lucy'. Guess how many toilets her new build had?

Gonners · 17/01/2023 08:48

Simonjt · 17/01/2023 06:47

I have a friend who does this, he is currently claiming he can’t afford his utility bills, yet he can afford a cleaner, a gardener, a million pound house, a range rover and matching his and hers aston martins in a custom colour named after their cat…

That's an interesting colour for a car! Is it called "mange"?

Swissmountains · 17/01/2023 08:49

subtoprem · 17/01/2023 08:41

@Mirabai it's genuinely not that, I find it really odd. She's not bragging as such I don't think, she doesn't go on and on but it just gets dropped casually into a conversation every time I see her and I'm not sure why.

So if it is not bragging, and only said occasionally. Why do you care? It wouldn't bother me one bit. This might say more about you noticing than her. Is there something about her house that makes you uncomfortable? The fact you notice when it is mentioned occasionally.

Is it is a sore point for you? People have all sorts of quirks and habits.

Swissmountains · 17/01/2023 08:51

medianewbie · 17/01/2023 08:47

I had an NCT friend whom I eventually just thought of as '4 loo Lucy'. Guess how many toilets her new build had?

Show quote history

Yeah- how dare she not mention your extra living room Grin

BringMeTea · 17/01/2023 08:51

Could you start carrying a hipflask of tequila and whip it out and take a nip every time she says the words 'BIG house'?

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 17/01/2023 08:53

It could be insecurity so she is trying to big herself up. It might be a clumsy way of demonstrating she is aware of her privilege. Or she could be a huge great Boasty McBoaster.

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 17/01/2023 08:55

@medianewbie

i have a colleague known as "Paid Cash Alex'. Guess how he paid for his house? And how many times a day he mentions it?

ChampagneLassie · 17/01/2023 08:55

Cinnabomb · 17/01/2023 06:24

i have a friend that does this. The funny thing is, her house isn’t actually that big. Don’t get me wrong it’s lovely and big by most peoples standards (4 bed Edwardian rectory style) but compared to the house I grew up in it’s not very remarkable! Not a stealth brag, but I think this is the sort of thing where unless you’re living on a sprawling estate it’s really cringe to say - and most people who have houses that big have the decorum not to brag about it!

I once sat next to someone at dinner with a title who was (politely) bemoaning a little the hassle of keeping house, with kids, dogs, and constant repairs. Googled her afterwards and it was a, 122 room pile!