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Original poster

Friend and her BIG house

258 replies

subtoprem · 17/01/2023 06:19

I have a friend I met through a hobby about five years ago.

She lives in a big house that I've been to quite a few times, so I'm fully aware, but she drops it in conversation all the time. Is this weird?

Eg. I moan about having some cleaning to do, her "think yourself lucky you don't have to clean my big house!"

Conversation about when our kids were growing up "well, I've been lucky living in a big house, so much easier with space"

Inane chat about the size of her dog "yes, I'm so glad I have a big house!"

Seriously, it gets shoehorned into a conversation every time we meet (maybe once a month)

I don't care about the size of her house 😂

OP posts:
BettyUnderswoob · 17/01/2023 07:36

Cosycover · 17/01/2023 07:12

'do you have a big house? You never mention it'

😂 Yep, this is definitely the way forward!

IwtHs · 17/01/2023 07:38

I'd probably say something like ' your house isn't that big! You should have seen the size of some of the houses I've been to'.
Or ' Bless you, I bet your energy bills are extortionate, I'd much rather live in a smaller house right now'

Zonder · 17/01/2023 07:39

I would either try and get a mention of her big house into as many conversations as possible, or i would start commenting on other people's houses saying they might not be that big but at least they are lovely.

In reality I wouldn't say either of those. I'd just see less of her.

heartbeatacrossthegrass · 17/01/2023 07:43

My friend with a massive house once stood in my tiny galley kitchen and explained to me "RichDH and I need a big kitchen because we love cooking". Oh really! Obviously the only reason I have a small one is because I hate food 🙄

Blip · 17/01/2023 07:44

Maybe say
Oh is it big?
I never really thought of it as big.
What's your square footage?
Your fuel bills must be terrible, would you consider moving?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 17/01/2023 07:45

Just let the positives go over you, 'ah you should downsize to make the cleaning/ heating / random other thing better/ easier/ cheaper. Much nicer being in a cosy little house.'

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 17/01/2023 07:46

I work with a woman like this
We moan about utility bills she's boasting about her huge house
Any opportunity

We just ignore her

Trofie · 17/01/2023 07:46

Why do any of you persist in calling these people ‘friends’ and in seeing them? Though I’d be tempted to keep seeing the friend who throws herself against walls lest she be jostled in the ‘tiny rooms’, and is considering putting her baby in a helmet against the ‘terrifying’ low ceilings, just for the comedy value…

Blip · 17/01/2023 07:47

@heartbeatacrossthegrass how rude!!!
I'd just say yes, I've certainly heard that the size of your kitchen correlates to how much you like to cook.

Alondra · 17/01/2023 07:48

If you are so resentful of her comments about her house, tell her. She may be a passive bitch trying to put you down (in which case she's not a friend) or she's simply saying how she feels without thinking how it's impacting on you. Frankly, it depends on the context of the conversations and when they happened.

I have a rule of thumb with friends and family. If I feel someone is trying to diminish me, I speak up. Gently first but I always raise the issue. There is no biggest killer in any relationship than resentment.

Have you ever told her how you feel?

Justleaveitblankthen · 17/01/2023 07:48

BettyUnderswoob · 17/01/2023 07:36

😂 Yep, this is definitely the way forward!

Show quote history

Yes, I would do this 😁
Or, each time she mentions it say: "Oh, that reminds me of this huge house I went to the other day, it was utterly gorgeous - you would have loved it.." and then 'remember' this house to her each time she brags again 👹

Blip · 17/01/2023 07:49

Or maybe just say it's a shame you got landed with that old house instead of being able to choose your own.

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 07:57

Trofie · 17/01/2023 07:46

Why do any of you persist in calling these people ‘friends’ and in seeing them? Though I’d be tempted to keep seeing the friend who throws herself against walls lest she be jostled in the ‘tiny rooms’, and is considering putting her baby in a helmet against the ‘terrifying’ low ceilings, just for the comedy value…

Yes, I will admit that’s mainly why! She is like it with cars, children, jobs, schools - hers is always the best. I find her oddly fascinating.

But - when I was going though a terrible time in my life, she was the only one that stuck by me. She was the only one who phoned me every day, gave practical help, made difficult phone calls on my behalf, took my children out for some fun when I was at breaking point. I don’t think I would still be here without her.

People have many different qualities to them, some wonderful, some not so great. So I can forgive all the mine is better than yours bullshit, because deep down, she’s a lovely person.

And she’s fucking hilarious when she’s off on one in a mad sort of way, even though it can be tedious to be told how much better all her stuff is.

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 08:02

And I say I “had” a friend like thar as sadly she moved a long way away, so we have lost a lot of contact.

Although a mutual friend did try and encourage her to do a christmas round robin as that would have been unintentionally hilarious.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 17/01/2023 08:06

I had a friend who went in about having 4 toilets because her house was so big. The fact we have an extra living room downstairs was lost on her and we were clearly supposed to be jealous but we’d just moved from a 3 storey home and specifically chose not to buy the house she bought. Dh refers to her as 4 toilets 😆

RosesAndHellebores · 17/01/2023 08:07

Perhaps your friend just doesn't have a filter and doesn't do it intentionally but is stating what she believes to be the facts.

ShandaLear · 17/01/2023 08:12

When she mentions it again just say, ‘Aah, you love your big house don’t you? It’s lovely that it makes you so happy/keeps you occupied/gives you something to spend your money on’. You’re just letting her know, that you’ve heard, understood, and acknowledged it and then maybe she can move on.

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 08:16

NeedAHoliday2021 · 17/01/2023 08:06

I had a friend who went in about having 4 toilets because her house was so big. The fact we have an extra living room downstairs was lost on her and we were clearly supposed to be jealous but we’d just moved from a 3 storey home and specifically chose not to buy the house she bought. Dh refers to her as 4 toilets 😆

Oh man, that reminds me of someone I knew when ds was little. We were living in a bog standard, small 2 bed new build. She lived in a big house on the “right” side of town.

She bought her 3 year old to play with mine and he needed the loo. I told her it was upstairs. As they were walking up the stairs I heard:

”Mummy! They only have one toilet and it’s upstairs!”

”Shhh darling. Not every one is a lucky as us having three bathrooms and a downstairs loo, be kind.”

🤣

NotAnotherBathBomb · 17/01/2023 08:17

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 06:52

Oh God. I had a friend like that. Always going on about her “big house”. Every bloody conversation.

When we bought a house (a three bed semi, eve horror!) she came round and kept saying how it was sweet “for a small family” and used to make ducking movements when she went though a normal sized door and used to do exaggerated squeezing against the wall motions like Hyacinth Bucket if you walked into a normal, 12x12 foot room and He would say, “oh gosh. I am just used to my big rooms!”

It was tedious.

😂

Mellymoon · 17/01/2023 08:18

I would start shoehorning her big house into all of your conversations too in weird ways

Alondra · 17/01/2023 08:18

But - when I was going though a terrible time in my life, she was the only one that stuck by me. She was the only one who phoned me every day, gave practical help, made difficult phone calls on my behalf, took my children out for some fun when I was at breaking point. I don’t think I would still be here without her.

For me, this is friendship. I have few friends, we've had disagreements and not liking stuff from each other, but real friendships are those that will have your back in tough times. Casual friends are lovely but will never be there for you when you really need them.

Mommabear20 · 17/01/2023 08:21

I have a brother that does this! 🤦‍♀️ every time the conversation of our annual family gathering comes up it's 'well I suppose it'll be at our house again as it's the only place with enough space!' 🤷‍♀️ we'd all be happy to go to dinner at a restaurant 😂

SweetSakura · 17/01/2023 08:22

Cinnabomb · 17/01/2023 06:24

i have a friend that does this. The funny thing is, her house isn’t actually that big. Don’t get me wrong it’s lovely and big by most peoples standards (4 bed Edwardian rectory style) but compared to the house I grew up in it’s not very remarkable! Not a stealth brag, but I think this is the sort of thing where unless you’re living on a sprawling estate it’s really cringe to say - and most people who have houses that big have the decorum not to brag about it!

Ha! Yes I had a friend who did this, she was sort of stealth bragging and going on about how her neighbour in an identical house was selling up because she was "rattling around" and I stupidly said that while the house was nice it wasn't so big you would rattle around and my friend was really offended. But I grew up in a house about 5 x the size of her house so I just honestly said it without thinking! (She wouldn't have known this though, it isn't something i tend to mention)

Mirabai · 17/01/2023 08:25

subtoprem · 17/01/2023 06:39

Neither really - it's not like it's a mansion or anything either, just a farmhouse type of place.

It's inherited (years ago) and still full of old furniture etc, not the type of house people would fawn over and I've not paid it much attention. I have friends with much nicer houses that I would feel envious of, but hers isn't one of them. Maybe that's the problem!

Show quote history

Well if you didn’t care about the size of her house, you wouldn’t be on here complaining about it.

Perhaps she just finds it a challenge to look after, but sometimes appreciates it hence dog/children comments.

SaySomethingMan · 17/01/2023 08:25

Iateallthechips · 17/01/2023 08:16

Oh man, that reminds me of someone I knew when ds was little. We were living in a bog standard, small 2 bed new build. She lived in a big house on the “right” side of town.

She bought her 3 year old to play with mine and he needed the loo. I told her it was upstairs. As they were walking up the stairs I heard:

”Mummy! They only have one toilet and it’s upstairs!”

”Shhh darling. Not every one is a lucky as us having three bathrooms and a downstairs loo, be kind.”

🤣

Show quote history

She sounds like a thoughtful parent.