Friend and her BIG house

[subtoprem]

I have a friend I met through a hobby about five years ago.

She lives in a big house that I've been to quite a few times, so I'm fully aware, but she drops it in conversation all the time. Is this weird?

Eg. I moan about having some cleaning to do, her "think yourself lucky you don't have to clean my big house!"

Conversation about when our kids were growing up "well, I've been lucky living in a big house, so much easier with space"

Inane chat about the size of her dog "yes, I'm so glad I have a big house!"

Seriously, it gets shoehorned into a conversation every time we meet (maybe once a month)

I don't care about the size of her house 😂

I live in a big house and have noticed over the years, that people seem to feel very free to make negative comments about it, whereas I am always complimenting theirs (and never mentioning mine). If someone compliments it I make some stupid comment about cleaning or being crap at gardening to change the subject. The truth is it was cheaper than many smaller houses in the market town we moved (from a flat) 10 miles away from. Also, I genuinely am crap at cleaning it and gardening and can't wait to move to a smaller house one day, but can never say this to anyone in case I am a Big House Mentioner.

just be glad she doesn't shoehorn it into a story about her dying mother like bitchface does with her Mercedes

I know it is a hobby to think of anything people say is bragging but I just see it as repetitive

Same as people who speak of their pet constantly, or their haemorrhoids, their annoying neighbour or anything where they speak of nothing else and it is inserted into every conversation

I do think it is odd to have something or make a decision and be 'embarresed' by it (if this is the case) if you are embarred by a big house, large diamond, flying first class don't do it, or just speak of it normally

Seems stupid to say 'I live in a mansion but don't want to tell people I do' if people want to think of it as bragging if you tldo they have the problem

Whenever I’ve come across this sort of cringe it’s usually from people who grew up with very little money and were embarrassed by this as a child. I don’t think the feeling ever leaves them. It’s a kind of validation of themselves. Most are obsessed with who lives where.

This is giving me Father Ted vibes. “Have you seen my big house, Father?”

But - when I was going though a terrible time in my life, she was the only one that stuck by me. She was the only one who phoned me every day, gave practical help, made difficult phone calls on my behalf, took my children out for some fun when I was at breaking point. I don’t think I would still be here without her

@Iateallthechips then she's worth her weight in😊 gold

I had a friend who really took the wind out of my sails when I showed her our new house after we moved in 20 years ago.It is a new build terrace house that we had saved long for the deposit for .I was absolutely thrilled to have my own home for the first time .So she walked around and then asked 'are you ok with 'making do' with this house ?I mean it nice and all but wouldn't be to my taste and I would never want to live in a house that I couldn't walk around. Then added 'I presume this is just your starter home ?
The silly old bag told me shortly afterwards that she found it difficult to find the time to meet up with me as she 'now moved in different circles'Needless to say we are not friends anymore.

Eeee, I love this. I would have been laughing hilariously.

I moan about my flat being small because it causes logistical problems. Big houses have their own logistical probs.

Of course, any house or flat have their own issues. But one of the issues I won't ever have to deal living in a freestanding house is the strata or community issues I'd have to deal with if I was living in an apartment or a terrace (sharing walls with right and left neighbours). I liaise directly with the council.

Thing is, pets, family members, hobbies etc. all tend to crop up in conversation fairly naturally. ("What did you do this weekend" "Oh I went for a lovely long dog walk in the sunshine")

Whereas house size doesn't really. I mean what is there to say about it? Unless you are looking to move house, or doing a massive renovation, that might be a discussion point.

I don't know anything about my colleagues' houses, for example, apart from the one guy who is in the process of moving (so it's a natural conversation topic). For the rest, I know which suburb/village/town they live in (because people moan about the train line they commute on!), but that's it. Why would we have a conversation about how many bedrooms or loos someone has, if it wasn't for someone wanting to draw attention to it?

Tell me about it. Noise is one of my moans.

But there are many pluses such as not having £6,000 heating bills, not having to spend hours cleaning when I’d rather be doing something else, not being responsible for garden maintenance or external fabric maintenance.

And that’s the point - people moan about stuff then feel ungrateful and look on the positive side. Which may be happening with the OP.

Furious reaction from big house bragging apologist.

Thinking about it, maybe this is regional? Are the people who talk about their houses constantly mostly down south?

The culture around housing is very different down there, I guess.

This is a good thread with funny and interesting replies.
I had a school mum type friend who invited me to her "little cottage, just down the lane" honestly, my jaw dropped at the huge, wonderful home, which she had not mentioned at all.
It tends to be the ones that actually have money and land, that don't mention it and the ones that have very little, that do.

Yes I know what you mean.

I received a lot of jibes from different people but they didn't get invited back. I never mention my house to anyone. At the time I took it with a pinch of salt because one was worried they wouldn't get a mortgage and another lived at home at that point.

I've known a fair few braggers.

Two are below 5ft2. They have everything they ever wanted in life except a few extra inches and humility.

Another gets jealous and thinks the world revolves around her.

This. Every single time she does it accompanied with a raised eyebrow and hard stare.

Can't help themselves!😂

Sitting just under these comments is I think genuine fear.

What if they are extremely happy and content living in that big house with absolutely everything. Where does that leave me?

So they hold on to any perceived weaknesses they might find.

'Two are below 5ft2. They have everything they ever wanted in life except a few extra inches and humility'

Their height or their boring conversation about their car names anything they can find to bring them to heel. You will not be perfect and I will find something about you.

You can see a line of deep rooted envy in some of these posts that some people (whisper it quietly) might actually have everything, and that is very confronting and will automatically make some people defensive and try to find some other slight.

If contented people talk about what makes them happy, if that is what is happening here then why would it be threatening to you?

Repeatedly?

You need to play her at her own game, and start thinking up lots of pointed remarks extolling the virtues of small houses (cheaper to heat, easier to keep clean, lower rates, more environmentally friendly). I mean, there aren't many, but I'm sure you can think of more, and just keep banging on about it until you get through this thick show-off woman's skull.

I think this can work both ways. Some people do brag but others can just be chatting. I live in a very normal/small sized place but it does feel enormous to me because I'm quite rubbish domestically.

As soon as she says the words 'big house' you should say them with her.. and then 'yes we know '!

People are weird. I know some people who are somewhat self satisfied about the fact that they live in a big house in a really nice area. Which is true. It is a big house and it is a fantastic area, one of the best in the country.

Thing is, they keep the place like an absolute dump. Isn't cleaned or maintained. It's far too big for them and must cost an absolute fortune to heat.

I understand they have an emotional attachment to the place. But in that situation I think I would be willing to pony up and say "yes my place is a dump but I've been here all my life and I like it and I'm going to stay", rather than engage in any big house boasting/property pride.

Anyway, that's people for you.

I spend less than 1000 Australian dollars yearly on electricity bills - heating, air-con and the rest. I don't have gas but I have 20 solar panels on my roof, like most on my street and everywhere in Australia.

The issue with the OP is not about a friend boasting about her big house, it's why, if she's a friend, hasn't she raised her resentments with her.