Newborn won't sleep in cot, too scared to bed share. On my knees

[AliceAbsolum]

No other generation of women were told to put tiny babies on their backs away from them otherwise they will die
I'm terrified of co sleeping but she will not sleep in her cot. I can't stay awake 24 hours a day
The whole thing is fucking awful

She's 4 weeks old and I've tried dummy, swaddle, white noise, warming the surface, putting a t shirt down. Rocking, stroking patting. Nothing works. As soon as she realizes that she is put down she screams

I pick her up I boob or rock her she falls asleep, I put her down, she screams. Repeat. This is no way to live

How about a bedside cot?

So bad I feel for you.

I did co sleep. I know it worries you. The only other thing that helped with one dc was a bedside cot that zipped up and down. Woe betide if that zip was too loud though. It did work most of the time.

and lots of sympathy.

Do you have room to place the cot next to your bed with one side removed? That way you could try to see if she'll settle as long as she can feel your hand on her. Skin to skin helps some babies to sleep much better.

You could also try swaddling. It works very well for some babies.

Oops sorry just realised you've tried swaddling!

If you look at actual research into co-sleeping, when done safely there is no increased risk of SIDS.

This is exactly why I co slept, and many many women are the same. I was terrified of it and I resisted for 4 months, during which time I'm genuinely surprised I didn't die as I had no sleep. I cried all the time, was a total wreck and developed severe PND.

You have to make your peace with Co sleeping. Done properly it is actually safer than cots.

Mine managed better in a Moses basket when she was very small, I guess she felt more contained than in the next to me.

Sigh. You've already tried patting etc so touch obviously doesn't work atm. In my defense I'm extremely unwell at the moment so my brain's not working. I skim read and was just anxious to try to help!

Yes, to reassure you that many women do co-sleep perfectly safely, I did so with each of mine. And my mother did, with all 8 of us.

This is all in a bedside cot. It's not level with our bed as it's a snuzpod, even if I basically lie in the cot with her she screams she just wants to be held

Have you tried putting her in her cot when she's awake? To watch a mobile or you sing to her? Maybe you need to break the negative association she has with the cot. We used a small rocking crib next to the bed so I could be seen through the bars and I'd hold their hands through it if they became unsettled.

I coslept, read the guidelines. If you or your partner are drinking alcohol or take certain medication it is not safe otherwise it is safe to co sleep.

Just cosleep

When mine were babies it was actually considered safer!

I know cosleeping is scary initially but have you read about how to do it safely? Wear a dressing gown or thick jumper, then blankets or sleeping bag to your waist, nothing near baby. Lie on your side facing babe and you can always be touching her. Everything in your being is tuned towards keeping her safe, I know babies do get suffocated but this is when falling asleep on sofa etc, not following safe guidelines. Eventually you can learn to bf lying down and you don’t even really wake, you’ll get a much better sleep.

Also totally normal for a 4 week old to be on their mummy.

I've coslept with both and felt absolutely safe doing so and never had sleep deprivation even with frequent waking. Living as you are doesn't sound safe at all to your physical and mental health.

Look at the Lullaby Trust guidelines for safe cosleeping.

None of mine would sleep in the cot, even a co-sleeper until 8 weeks +. Move your partner to the couch, remove thick blankets or loose pillows which could cover babies face, pop her on the mattress next to you flat on her back, inside a baby sleeping bag if you use one, with a duvet drawn up over you only. Get some sleep. Provided you have not taken sedative drugs or alcohol this is likely very safe. I breastfed mine and woke as soon as they stirred. At least locally to me HVs give safe co-sleepibg advice as they know most people do it and would rather they did it safely. It's much more risky for parents to fall asleep from exhaustion with baby in their arms sitting up on the sofa or in bed.

It IS safer. The stats speak for themselves. 50% of SIDS happens in 'ideal' cot conditions and 50% bed sharing. But of the 50% bed sharing, 90% are caused by unsafe bed sharing such as falling asleep on a sofa, which is included in the stats. So safe co sleeping is safer than safe cot sleeping.

Co-sleep.

we did it - it was fine

Sorry that was a reply to @gogohmm

I had a sidecar type of cot that attached to my side of the bed and was a this shape - [ with the open end flush with the edge of my mattress. So I didn’t have to worry about pillows or duvet or rolling on my babies while sleeping. Because I’d be right next to them…often with my hand on them…they’d sleep ok. It made breast feeding at night super easy and as my DH did the nappy change, winding and walking back to sleep..I’d pick them up, breastfeed, wake DH up, hand over the baby and go back to sleep while he did his bit for the night wakings.

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/07/Co-sleeping-and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals.pdf

Of all babies who died of SIDS half died alone in a cot and the other half died co sleeping.
However 90% of all of the deaths were due to unsafe sleep practices.

There's no bloody difference! Co sleep and follow the safe 7.

Have you tried a small
Moses basket with a stand?
This was a
Lifesaver for me xxxx