Newborn won't sleep in cot, too scared to bed share. On my knees

[AliceAbsolum]

No other generation of women were told to put tiny babies on their backs away from them otherwise they will die
I'm terrified of co sleeping but she will not sleep in her cot. I can't stay awake 24 hours a day
The whole thing is fucking awful

She's 4 weeks old and I've tried dummy, swaddle, white noise, warming the surface, putting a t shirt down. Rocking, stroking patting. Nothing works. As soon as she realizes that she is put down she screams

You cannot be serious?! A rare baby indeed that this will work for. I’ve met a couple in my time but they are absolutely the minority

Yeh that’d be nice but no chance here

Each to their own, but I'm so glad we moved our boys into their own cots/ rooms at 4 months (prior to that, they were using side cots).

They both sleep for 12 hours solid and people regularly comment on how 'chilled' and 'happy' our baby is.

I've had two very 'happy' and 'chilled' babies cosleeping What relevance is a baby's temperament to this thread?

Excellently put.

The risk of death by falling asleep in unideal conditions is much higher so risk of falling asleep sat up rocking baby, or risk of falling off sofa etc are much higher than risk of baby dying from cosleeping when nobody is on drowsy medication, smokers or drinkers, and is done with no duvet or pillows.

Cosleep OP but do it safely.

Try to get over your worries about co sleeping. Millions of families do it successfully. Millions of people in cultures where it's considered dangerous do it but don't admit to it.

There are also tandem cots that you attach to your side of the bed.

I co slept, had never experienced sleeping deprivation. It makes it so much easier to feed during the night.

Im cosleeping with my 4 month old for this exact reason.
I would never admit it to anyone in real life and I'm not sure why I feel like that? I feel guilty and embarrassed but it was necessary for us, So I'm sure alot more people do it than admit to it.
I'm a very stick rigidly to all guidelines type of person but you can't pour from an empty glass, you won't be keeping baby safe and happy if you're on the edge of a breakdown brought on by sleep deprivation.

It feels like the most natural thing in the world, we both now get amazing sleep, I'm a happy calm well-rested mummy!
I can lie down and breastfeed him which makes it super easy. I, of course, follow all the guidelines to make it as safe as possible but I resisted cosleeping as I was so scared. I literally didn't sleep for 3 days running and nearly dropped baby as I fell asleep sat bolt upright on the sofa- despite doing everything in my power to stay awake. That was enough to shock me into co-sleeping. I think weighing up the risks vs benefits it is definitely safer for us to cosleep but that has to be a decision you make for yourself to be at peace with it. You can't function if your not sleeping and it's so SO dangerous to fall asleep on the sofa etc holding baby so cosleeping in that case where it is set up safely is safer.
I can almost guarantee people co-sleep and won't admit it!

Just co-sleep and do it safely.

I co-slept with mine from birth. I breastfed them lying down too and slept through it. I honestly think it would have broken me otherwise.

You absolutely can safely co sleep. It's much safer than sitting up and falling asleep.

Only you and baby in the bed. Duvet tucked around your back and legs. No other blankets ti het caught up.

Lie on your side, cozy cuddle in baby to you.

Your mummy hormones mean you will not roll over onto your baby.

Do not drink or take drugs or smoke.

You need rest.

Apologies if this has already been posted but here's the lullaby trust guidance.

I turned to cosleeping on the advice of a community midwife.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

I’m sorry that’s utter rubbish.

@ThisGirlNever guidance is for babies to room share with parents until minimum 6 months as this reduces the chance of SIDS. SIDS cases are actually highest around 4 months as babies are often moved into their own rooms too early. The fact your babies slept through in their own rooms is change/luck and not because they’re in their own rooms.

@underneaththeash it isn't, it's supported by the stats. Why do you say it's rubbish?

I don't move around. Wake up in the same place. My baby is safe

Exactly!!

There's new research on sids. And my son went in his own room at 11 weeks. Best thing I ever did. For both of us. He slept through the night

@ThisGirlNever so you don’t know the statistics for bed sharing, you didn’t put your own babies to sleep on their front, you wouldn’t recommend it and you know it’s against the guidelines … so why exactly are you sharing this unsafe suggestion??!

@Emmamoo89 I haven't seen this new guidance, would you mind posting it here?

@BuffaloCauliflower

We did sleep training at the same time.

My eldest son cried for ten minutes, on the first night, rolled over and slept for 12 hours. He cried for a few minutes on the second night and that was that. Our youngest son was even easier.

It worked for us. It might not work for others - but I'm very glad we're not messing around co-sleeping with toddlers.

My DSIL is Japanese and coslept because that is what they do in Japan. I lived in SE Asia and that's what they do there. I was also terrified to cosleep here in the UK but I think we have an almost unhealthy obsession with not doing it. I would definitely Chuck DH out if cosleeping though as evolution has it that mothers are lighter sleepers and know where the baby is but partners are not and will more likely do damage

@AliceAbsolum if you decide to try co-sleeping please do not put pillows or duvets around your baby as the Lullaby Trust are clear that this is a suffocation risk for your baby. I would also be wary of any advice generally that does not reflect the Lullaby Trust’s safe sleep rules.

We coslept with LO at the top of the bed and we were slightly lower down so our heads were at their leg height.

If you don't smoke and are not under the influence of alcohol or drugs cosleeping is safe. I didn't think I'd be comfortable
cosleeping but actually found I felt safer being with my babies than apart. Read about breath matching, there's a few reasons it is safer if done properly.

We were lucky, our first ever health visitor was very pro cosleeping and gave us lots of support and advice.

Obviously it's important to do what feels right for you. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I hope your DH is taking his turn here. It shouldn't all be on you seven days a week.

My baby is safe thank you! I stay in the same place and I don't have the duvet pulled right up. Just to his chest. And my arm goes tightly over it.