Newborn won't sleep in cot, too scared to bed share. On my knees

[AliceAbsolum]

No other generation of women were told to put tiny babies on their backs away from them otherwise they will die
I'm terrified of co sleeping but she will not sleep in her cot. I can't stay awake 24 hours a day
The whole thing is fucking awful

She's 4 weeks old and I've tried dummy, swaddle, white noise, warming the surface, putting a t shirt down. Rocking, stroking patting. Nothing works. As soon as she realizes that she is put down she screams

And may i add when he was that young we weren't over that often. Only once a twice a week before he turned 4 months and was about 8 and half months when we started going back over.

My son is fine. He can lift the duvet off himself. I trust my mam. Its what she did with all of us.

I specifically added my line in parentheses as I didn't want to make the post about targeting you - you must make your own choices.

However, there's no getting away from the fact that you - and your mam - are 💯 wrong

You said your mam used a duvet when your DS was 4 weeks old. He could not kick it off then.

It isn't my view; it's expert research.

I wouldn't want anyone taking on your advice.

As for 'trusting your mam', of course, so do I. But my mum put us to sleep on our front and used a carrycot to transport us in the car - because that was advice in the 70s. When I started to have my DC 30 years later, the advice had changed, based on good evidence, and so my mum did not expect me to do what she did on such matters, based on the non-scientific reasoning that like your mum, she had raised 4 DC without any adverse outcome.

You must do as you wish with your own DS, but stop using it as reasoning that others should follow unsafe practices.

I can't see how it matters - your point was a duvet was being used at 4 weeks, because you 'trust your mam'

Not 4 weeks. It was 5 days old. Wether we are wrong or not. Its done now and my son is cherished love and safe and that's all that matters. I'm done arguing with people that don't matter

"it" 🤔

Also I'm not asking anyone to do what I've done. Plenty people do it. We make our own choices. I was panicky when it first started but realised he's absolutely fine. And yes he can kick and push the duvet away from himself. He is pretty strong

I wasn't calling him it for fuck sake 🙄 saying it wasn't when he was 4 weeks old

I'm done arguing with people that don't matter

But I'm not arguing with you, about your choices.

I (& others) are reiterating that this is unsafe practice - for others who are reading.

It's ok (I guess) if you want to ignore evidence-based recommendations. It's not ok to suggest this is a recommended action based on 'trusting your mum' and your baby being fine.

Truly, plenty of people don't. Safe practice around sleeping (including of course co-sleeping) is why cot deaths have reduced so significantly since the 80s, thankfully.

Of course, you are right, many aspects of parenting are down to individual choice. Matters of safety though, shouldn't be.

(Like I say, my posts weren't about taking issue with you individually, but to be clear what the evidence & expert guidance says).

I would never put my son in harms way. He's my miracle baby. I love him so much. My instincts would alert me if anything was wrong and they haven't. I trust my instincts. And more people need to.

@Emmamoo89

Do you think mothers who had babies who tragically died due to cot deaths didn't 'trust their instincts' or love their babies?

Of course they did, but the science hadn't identified the risk factors they have now in relation to safe sleeping.

You of course love your DS! And I'm sure your instincts work great in so many areas.

But you should not advise others to trust their instincts around safe sleeping, ahead of expert guidance, and some of the practices you suggest are wrong and dangerous.

And I wasn't recommending it. Just said what I've done. People can do what they want. And other people have said that they've done what ive done and defended me because I was getting attacked. I feel comfortable doing it. Didn't at the beginning as I was a new mam. But I trust my own judgement and my mother. She's a fantastic mam.

I'm not saying that at all. Cot death I'm assuming is sids. They've done new research. It's a chemical in the brain. Nothing can prevent it.

I'm done talking about this now. Again my son is healthy loved and well looked after. I don't need to justify myself to anyone.

Yes I totally agree! I don't blame you. Instincts are so powerful. They will tell you when something is wrong. I just wish people would leave me tf alone. Like I love my son so much. I wouldn't let anything happen to him.

@Emmamoo89 Instincts are so powerful. They will tell you when something is wrong

So you’re saying if something happens someone baby or if someone’s baby dies it’s their fault as their instinct didn’t prevent it from happening? Or how do you explain babies dying if instincts won’t let anything bad happen?

I'm not even going to dignify this with a response 🙄

Morning, everyone.

Obviously SIDS is a very emotive topic, particularly for anyone who's been affected by baby loss. We thought it might be helpful to put some information here from Tommy's that might answer some questions on the subject.

On more generic sleep advice, we also have a page on newborn sleep here.

We hope those might be of use.

Cot death I'm assuming is sids. They've done new research. It's a chemical in the brain. Nothing can prevent it.

This will be my last post on this (and I'm conscious that the OP was not asking about this but about safe co-sleeping so don't want to keep derailing).

You. Are. Wrong. I hope that anyone else reading this thread will realise this, and look at appropriate links, including the ones from MN posted just now.

The causes of cot death, also known as SIDS, are not fully known. It is simply untrue to say it is due to a 'chemical in the brain', or that it is not, in some cases, preventable. How else can you account for the dramatic drop in deaths since the introduction of Back to Sleep? Here are the stats:

It became an epidemic between 1970 and 1991, and, at its peak, babies in some of the world’s richest countries were dying at the rate of one in every 250 live births each year. The rate in the last year for which figures were available in England and Wales only, 2013, is one in every 3,000.

Source: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/aug/26/back-to-sleep-sudden-infant-death-syndrome-cot-death-peter-fleming

Just think about that for a moment. Are you suggesting that those babies in the 70s & 80s had a chemical imbalance? And babies born after 1991 do not, with no intervention.

Here is the evidence base for what I have written:

https://www2.hse.ie/conditions/cot-death/?gclid=Cj0KCQiA5NSdBhDfARIsALzs2EC-rn1Oa7CXMHoI8CUlzlUuRW83lcfhxUC8ijFqdZ3g6arStue3XAaAn7KEALww_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Finally my sympathies to anyone who has been bereaved through cot death / SIDS or in anyway affected. 💐

You can’t have it both ways. Either your instincts stop something bad happening to your baby or they don’t. I’m glad mumsnet have posted correct advice to counteract all your quite frankly dangerous and ignorant posts on this thread.

I never once implied any of the bs you spouted. You keep doing you and ill do what's best for my son.

www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/700childrens/2022/08/new-sids-research.

Yes I have my sympathies too. Just research what ive read up and it's great they are getting closer to finding out the cause. Unfortunately some cases where they have seen its a chemical in the brain they won't have been able to stop it from happening. It's so sad

I know I said I wouldn't post again but @Emmamoo89 did you even read the article you linked?

Like this part, right at the start:

SIDS has no known cause at this time but is believed to have multiple factors that lead to the death of the infant. The leading theory for the cause of SIDS is the Triple Risk Model, which is defined as three specific factors coming together to cause the death. The three factors are a vulnerable infant, in a critical period of development (2-4 months), and environmental stressors like exposure to cigarette smoking during and after pregnancy, soft mattresses, bedding and objects in the bed, co-sleeping, etc. When these three factors overlap, the incidence of SIDS increases.

It specifically mentions bedding & objects in the bed as risk factors.

The point you appear to be focusing on is this:

Recently a new research studyy* was released online, with findings that could be the key to determining what an underlying vulnerability is in babies that die from SIDS, despite being in a safe sleep environment

Which is a possible blood enzyme issue and is specifically talking about babies who die from SIDS despite being in a safe sleep environment.

The article concludes by reminding of the importance of observing safe sleep habits.

You are not only wrong, you are irresponsible to try and twist this to 'it's a chemical issue; nothing can be done to prevent it'. I've tried not to personalise this but it really makes me so angry that you can refute science & medical evidence & falsely present alternative causation.

One thing I will point out sids and suffocation are two completely different things. Now I will not comment anymore. I really don't need the stress as I'm very newly pregnant.