Newborn won't sleep in cot, too scared to bed share. On my knees

[AliceAbsolum]

No other generation of women were told to put tiny babies on their backs away from them otherwise they will die
I'm terrified of co sleeping but she will not sleep in her cot. I can't stay awake 24 hours a day
The whole thing is fucking awful

She's 4 weeks old and I've tried dummy, swaddle, white noise, warming the surface, putting a t shirt down. Rocking, stroking patting. Nothing works. As soon as she realizes that she is put down she screams

Are you kidding ?

Poor you. I co-slept with mine, after a few nights of literally not sleeping with my first I just did it and it changed my life. Motherhood (for me) is only do-able if I co-sleep.

Separate blanket from your partner if you have one, and only up to your knees. Sleep in a hoody or something similar. On your side, baby curled against your side, boob out, baby suckles all night at will and you sleep. For me, it just felt very mammalian and natural and I got to sleep!!!

Good luck, it's so hard

You can co-sleep safely, follow the lullaby trust guidelines.

Most cases of SIDS related to co-sleeping are where the parent falls asleep unintentionally like on a sofa, or are intoxicated.

It’s how babies are meant to sleep. I feel so sorry for newborns who are sleep trained, they’ve just spent 9 months inside you, of course they need to be near you to feel safe and comforted. It also helps with them learning to regulate their breathing and body temperature.

Sids has had new research. Check it out. My son is completely safe with me

My son is completely safe with me. I do not need to justify myself to strangers.

Again I'm not going to justify myself to strangers. My set up is safe. I would never put my son in danger.

utswmed.org/medblog/sids-research-enzyme/#:~:text=The%20study%20found%20that%2026,of%20the%20SIDS%20risk%20window.

That's the link for the new research

Just to add he's mostly in the middle of the bed. Above me and the duvet is just over his legs. I occasionally hold him while he's facing me to my chest. He's never on his back when I'm holding him with the duvet up to his chest well his side. I cradle him to me and the reason I have to have pillows to side above duvet is because he likes to roll. Again don't know why I'm justifying myself but I won't allow strangers make out I'm putting my son in harms way.

Why are you using a duvet at all when it is an unnecessary risk? Be honest it’s for your own comfort. Your son doesn’t need a duvet. So selfish. If he rolls get cot bars not putting pillows he could roll into and suffocate @Emmamoo89

@Nowdontmakeamess

It’s how babies are meant to sleep.

Says who?

I feel so sorry for newborns who are sleep trained, they’ve just spent 9 months inside you, of course they need to be near you to feel safe and comforted.

And yet both my sons sleep solidly for twelve hours (7pm-7am) and are happy and content. They've both done this since they were four months old. We never had to leave them to 'cry it out' for extended periods (DS1 took 10 minutes the first day and 3 minutes the second day).

To be honest, I feel sorry for families that have toddlers that are incapable of sleeping in their own beds. It must be terrible for the parents and I can't see how it's going to help a child's long term development - e.g. will they be able to cope with school trips away? What happens when they're usurped by a younger sibling that needs to co-sleep? When does it end? Do you have to go to bed at 7pm every night, just so the kid can sleep? If you keep the kid up until you're ready for bed, does the kid get enough sleep?

I've heard of kids still sleeping in their parents' beds at 11 years old. No thanks.

He is safe. That is all I need to say. Think what you like. I ain't going to lose any sleep over it

@AliceAbsolum have you checked there is nothing medical going on such as reflux?

He gets a kids duvet at grandmas in his cot. He knows not to pull it over his face.

Many many more parents cosleep than would openly admit, precisely because of the shame that's been embedded around the subject. The party line is not helpful for struggling parents or arguably their babies either. What parents need is to be informed on the safest ways of cosleeping if that's what they decide to do rather than being shamed into secrecy about it whilst not having the knowledge of how to do it safely. Please don't be hard on yourself, read up on safe ways to cosleep on the lullaby trust website and do what you need to do to get some sleep. You'll be a much happier mum for it

my Childs step dad said his grandad was Hitler (no joke) should I be mad ???

Oh darling, I’ve been there. Started cosleeping around the 4 month mark as my MH took a nosedive due to sleep deprivation. Changed my life (still doing it now, 13+ months and loving it)

read all the guidelines you can, master side lying feeding as you mention BF.

if you have a partner or someone else as support, I asked my husband to ‘watch’ me as I did cosleep naps. Helped my confidence until I felt secured and safer in cosleeping.

mums are very tuned to our babies, especially BF (this isn’t to be inflammatory or critical of other feeding methods, it’s hormonal around the milk/smell etc) so it’s never a deep deep sleep (unless you have a medical sleep disorder ofc)

as a side note - they do sell adult sleeping bags I bought for cosleeping (can’t stand the cold of no blankets!) and this allowed me to be warm but still launch a boob out at the baby as needed. We even had matching ones 😂

I remember being TERRIFIED to Cosleep until around 4 months so I hear you. Next baby, I’m diving right in (safely) to cosleep! Lots of love

Very much recommend Lynsey Hookway on Instagram too. She is wonderful and empathic you parent and baby. Fabulous woman! Saved my sanity many a time

It's so true with the breastfeeding bit. They'll always stay close to the boob. It's natural. My son never moves away from my boobies. Always wake up to him at the same place.

It can be impossible. Ask yourself - is it safer to plan to co sleep in a safe way or to fall asleep holding baby in a way which could be unsafe, ie they fall down in between covers and pillows.

Our DS was like this for the first two months, DH and I had to hold him in shifts essentially. It was brutal but manageable between us. It turned out he had silent reflux and once properly medicated for this we could lie him down for short spells and then by 3 months much longer spells. He was sleeping through at 4 months so there’s still hope!

My midwives have all encouraged me to co-sleep - one in the hospital who plucked ds1 out of his cot and tucked him next to me saying "that's where he wants to be" and 2 at home who put the baby next to me and tucked us up together post birth.

I would have gone stark staring mad without cosleeping as I had 2 kids who never slept unless they were touching me. Dd was much more chilled but was still much happier with me. Look up safe co-sleeping and embrace it. They will not be clingy forever. Even my velcro baby who could not be put down ever is now a fabulously confident teen. You will not damage their social skills by having them in with you, but you will get a heck of a lot more sleep.

Proper cosleper cot and or v pillow inhad DD in crook of arm on this. Hard to explain but there was no where for her or I to move too.
Loads of me saw us like this 3ndsys post section.

I also had too much anxiety to co sleep until my baby was older. It wasn't until I saw this guide that I felt confident enough to do it. This video is helpful for demonstrating safe sleep positioning. Having a pillow behind my back and between my knees stopped me moving around the bed completely.