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Would you be okay with a 10 year old using the ladies?

227 replies

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:42

Accompanied by their carer obviously

The disabled toilet was locked, there were two and both weren't responding to the access key this poor woman had

She had a very clearly disabled boy with her. He was in need of a change and crying, ripping at her coat and trying to bite and scratch her. No verbal words, just very flight risky and tried bolting off a few times. He had what looked like toddler reins on but obviously not exactly toddler ones

I say age 10 but that's generous, he was probably about 11/12. As tall as the woman etc and she wasn't tiny

She gave up then after he successful did manage to bite into her arm and marched him into the ladies

My friend was tutting and looked ready to say something, pretty much doing that look as if she was about to speak if the woman looked in her direction

I said leave her be. She said it was disgusting she was bringing such an older child into the toilet when he wasn't a small child or under 8/9.

I said she was desperate, leave her be

She said 'whatever, it isn't right and I'm shocked you're standing for it'. It seemed to ruin the mood of our coffee out then and we haven't text since!

Would you be okay with a much older boy using a woman's toilet if they're with a carer?

Obviously, this isn't a trans argument and nobody 'identifying' as a woman should be using the ladies toilet.

This really isn't about that so I would appreciate if we could avoid that argument Blush

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helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:44

Just to add very quickly, the toilet she did take him into was a disabled cubicle but in the woman's toilets

She obviously needed to space, and quick access.

I feel nothing but sympathy and admiration for the love she clearly had for him, and the patience. I don't see how anyone could really not be okay with this in such dire circumstances but I'm happy to be corrected and listen to people's (women, specially) reason's why

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justabigdisco · 30/12/2022 18:45

Would have no issue whatsoever with this

Overthebow · 30/12/2022 18:45

Generally no I wouldn’t be ok with a ten year old male in the ladies, but in this situation, which was clearly difficult and the disabled key not working then yes it’s fine and I wouldn’t have said anything either.

achildisborn · 30/12/2022 18:45

Absolutely fine, this is me frequently and Altho my child is 5yo currently I can see this happening in the future also and would do whatever it took to mitigate the situation.

CrimsonPostBox · 30/12/2022 18:46

I'd have no issue with this at all. Poor lady! :(

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:46

@justabigdisco thanks for agreeing, I have to say also that it was clear he was a total non threat. The poor boy was very clearly severely disabled either autism wise or learning disabilities with it. No way he was going to have any other motive than to follow his mum/carer and get himself changed by that person

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Cuppasoupmonster · 30/12/2022 18:46

God how awful for her. I wouldn’t object to this.

hennaoj · 30/12/2022 18:46

Your friend was being a dick. I wouldn't care, poor lady with the child has enough to deal with.

FawnFrenchieMum · 30/12/2022 18:46

I can’t believe anyone would have issue with this. Let’s hope they never have any disabled relatives to care for.

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:47

Thank goodness so many of you agree Flowers

Honestly I don't know how this woman does it but she obviously does and I admire that

I feel really quite sad people would be 'judging'

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DisplayPurposesOnly · 30/12/2022 18:47

I think your friend is weird, and lacks empathy. Poor woman with boy!

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 30/12/2022 18:47

I hope never to run into your friend when I'm trying to help my disabled son.

Actually, she'd better not run into me. She'd get an absolute mouthful off me and a lesson in tolerance.

Parrotid · 30/12/2022 18:47

Your friend is a massive arse. What exactly did she expect her to do?

Geneticsbunny · 30/12/2022 18:47

Your friend is a grade a twat. You should have serious words with her. She cannot possible comprehend how stressed out that poor woman was. she literally didn't have a choice.

Fuckstix · 30/12/2022 18:48

No problem whatsoever. I'm not sure why your friend thought there was one. It was an emergency.

ThePoshUns · 30/12/2022 18:49

Poor woman, I'd have no issue wit that at all. Looks like you have seen a side of your friend that must be disappointing.

YouWouldNotBelieveIt · 30/12/2022 18:50

With a disabled child who couldn't go to the toilet alone, what else could the poor woman have done? I would have said it was reasonable under those circumstances

RudsyFarmer · 30/12/2022 18:51

I would say you’ve learned something about your friend today.

MarshaMelrose · 30/12/2022 18:51

Just about everyone wanders into the ladies so I really don't see the big deal. That woman puts up with that behaviour every bloody day. I should think most of us could tolerate a teenager in the loo for 5 minutes if onout of gratitude that we're toddling off alone.

LittleDisaster · 30/12/2022 18:52

The situation you describe of course I'd have no issue at all. But what about an equally disabled 14/16/21/35 yo?

Iceballoon · 30/12/2022 18:52

Yes of course I would, I believe 10 is still too young for a boy (disabled or not) to go into the mens toilets alone.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 30/12/2022 18:53

A child or disabled adult accompanied by a female carer is fine in my view.

murasaki · 30/12/2022 18:53

I might have looked askance initially but the minute I'd clocked the actual situation as described here, no issue whatsoever

Hollyhead · 30/12/2022 18:54

Anyone who is not able to feel empathy and compassion for that poor woman in that situation is a grade A twat. I’d be reconsidering the friendship.

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:54

LittleDisaster · 30/12/2022 18:52

The situation you describe of course I'd have no issue at all. But what about an equally disabled 14/16/21/35 yo?

Well, he could well have been 14. As I say 10 is very generous (but I went to school with some super tall boys before Year 6 stage!), so I don't know his age

Woman was about as tall as me and I'm 5'4. So he wouldn't be younger than 10 really and could be even older

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