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Would you be okay with a 10 year old using the ladies?

227 replies

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:42

Accompanied by their carer obviously

The disabled toilet was locked, there were two and both weren't responding to the access key this poor woman had

She had a very clearly disabled boy with her. He was in need of a change and crying, ripping at her coat and trying to bite and scratch her. No verbal words, just very flight risky and tried bolting off a few times. He had what looked like toddler reins on but obviously not exactly toddler ones

I say age 10 but that's generous, he was probably about 11/12. As tall as the woman etc and she wasn't tiny

She gave up then after he successful did manage to bite into her arm and marched him into the ladies

My friend was tutting and looked ready to say something, pretty much doing that look as if she was about to speak if the woman looked in her direction

I said leave her be. She said it was disgusting she was bringing such an older child into the toilet when he wasn't a small child or under 8/9.

I said she was desperate, leave her be

She said 'whatever, it isn't right and I'm shocked you're standing for it'. It seemed to ruin the mood of our coffee out then and we haven't text since!

Would you be okay with a much older boy using a woman's toilet if they're with a carer?

Obviously, this isn't a trans argument and nobody 'identifying' as a woman should be using the ladies toilet.

This really isn't about that so I would appreciate if we could avoid that argument Blush

OP posts:
HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 30/12/2022 18:54

Poor woman must have ben desperate! I don't blame her at all. A disabled child in the disabled cubicle in the women's toilets is fine.

happyinherts · 30/12/2022 18:54

I'd rather she took him in the ladies than try and take him in the mens. Absolutely no problem at all.

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:55

happyinherts · 30/12/2022 18:54

I'd rather she took him in the ladies than try and take him in the mens. Absolutely no problem at all.

Agreed. Because that's a male space and she would be at risk herself. Whereas by taking a clearly severely disabled male into the woman's isn't a threat of any kind in that way

OP posts:
helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:56

My friend's argument is that it's sad and not at all right there isn't enough disabled toilets for him to have used, but that isn't the woman's problem; and he doesn't get to invade a women only space as a result of that

OP posts:
808Kate1 · 30/12/2022 18:56

Would have absolutely no problem with it. Your mate's a dick.

But what about an equally disabled 14/16/21/35 yo?

Would be fine with this too.

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:56

And my response to that is, use your bloody common sense!

OP posts:
OrpingtonWings · 30/12/2022 18:57

My understanding of the issue with ladies only toilets rather than mixed is the concern is a safety one so I wouldn’t have an issue with this at all - especially as there was the disabled toilet she needed available with in the ladies area and the other two spaces were busy and she would have used them first if she could.

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:57

@808Kate1 Not you sorry, was responding to my own answer

OP posts:
Mumma · 30/12/2022 18:57

Your friend is a prick.

shreddies · 30/12/2022 18:57

Jesus your friend is quite lacking in empathy isn't she

Flapjack637 · 30/12/2022 18:59

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 30/12/2022 18:53

A child or disabled adult accompanied by a female carer is fine in my view.

This.

Birthdayhat · 30/12/2022 18:59

Well I still take my 10yo in the ladies with me and think nothing of it... He is autistic but probably would be fine on his own. It still seems a bit young to send him into the men's on his own but I will think again next time based on some of these replies. In the OP's situation I would see the situation for what it was and see if I could help them in any way.

808Kate1 · 30/12/2022 19:00

@helpinghandinhisname I did wonder😂

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2022 19:00

This is the situation I'm about to find myself in ds turns 10 soon I can't leave him outside while I pee unless his brother is with me I can't send him into the men's unless his brother takes him if he needs the toilet and I'm reluctant to use the disabled toilet as we are able bodied so i need to convince his brother to come put with us or pray I don't get challenged

LittleDisaster · 30/12/2022 19:00

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:55

Agreed. Because that's a male space and she would be at risk herself. Whereas by taking a clearly severely disabled male into the woman's isn't a threat of any kind in that way

Surely no 10yo is a "threat" but you wouldn't expect to see them in the ladies? I think she absolutely did the right thing and your friend sounds awful, but it is an interesting situation. Disabled doesn't necessarily mean not a threat, so would it be OK if the same woman needs to take him to the loo in 10/20 years time?

I think it probably is, but I can see it would be uncomfortable for some

Cheeseandabsolutelycrackers · 30/12/2022 19:00

I would have had no problem with this at all.

I'm also quite happy with unisex toilets so I am probably at one end of the scale, but a disabled person of any age who obviously required support, I don't know anyone who wouldn't get that.

Parrotid · 30/12/2022 19:01

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:56

My friend's argument is that it's sad and not at all right there isn't enough disabled toilets for him to have used, but that isn't the woman's problem; and he doesn't get to invade a women only space as a result of that

She needs to fuck right off with such a stupid attitude. This isn’t about “males invading spaces”! Fucks sake. I wouldn’t be friends with such a monumental bell end.

Tigger7654 · 30/12/2022 19:02

Usually a 10 year old would be a no but I wouldn't mind in this situation.

Summer2424 · 30/12/2022 19:02

@helpinghandinhisname i'd have no issue at all

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 19:03

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2022 19:00

This is the situation I'm about to find myself in ds turns 10 soon I can't leave him outside while I pee unless his brother is with me I can't send him into the men's unless his brother takes him if he needs the toilet and I'm reluctant to use the disabled toilet as we are able bodied so i need to convince his brother to come put with us or pray I don't get challenged

My nephew is able bodied. My husband is sadly not any longer at 45 and is in a wheelchair FT

My nephew on H's side needs a disabled toilet more in many ways. He is non verbal, flight risk and needs constant 24 hour care. He is only 6 years old.

Able bodied means nothing really. Use the disabled loos Flowers

OP posts:
Heatherbell1978 · 30/12/2022 19:03

I'm shocked that you're asking this question. Of course in this situation it's fine. I'd have been the bystander telling her to use the ladies instead.

OneWildNightWithJBJ · 30/12/2022 19:03

Wouldn’t bother me whatever age he was. I also wouldn’t be bothered by an non-disabled 10-year-old boy either.

nomorechoco · 30/12/2022 19:04

I take my disabled son in who is 12 when there is no disabled loo. I’m not sure what your friend thinks will happen but she shows a shocking level of compassion that borders on ignorance

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 19:05

Heatherbell1978 · 30/12/2022 19:03

I'm shocked that you're asking this question. Of course in this situation it's fine. I'd have been the bystander telling her to use the ladies instead.

Im asking because I've asked my sisters and although l they say they agree with me, they also say they do really get where my friend was coming from

So I was interested what the general opinion is as some people are incredibly black and white on the women only stance, which I am too in general

OP posts:
PurpleBurglarAlarm · 30/12/2022 19:05

It wouldn’t bother me a jot in fact I’d be asking if I could help at all - hold doors open or whatever.

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