Would you be okay with a 10 year old using the ladies?

[helpinghandinhisname]

Accompanied by their carer obviously

The disabled toilet was locked, there were two and both weren't responding to the access key this poor woman had

She had a very clearly disabled boy with her. He was in need of a change and crying, ripping at her coat and trying to bite and scratch her. No verbal words, just very flight risky and tried bolting off a few times. He had what looked like toddler reins on but obviously not exactly toddler ones

I say age 10 but that's generous, he was probably about 11/12. As tall as the woman etc and she wasn't tiny

She gave up then after he successful did manage to bite into her arm and marched him into the ladies

My friend was tutting and looked ready to say something, pretty much doing that look as if she was about to speak if the woman looked in her direction

I said leave her be. She said it was disgusting she was bringing such an older child into the toilet when he wasn't a small child or under 8/9.

I said she was desperate, leave her be

She said 'whatever, it isn't right and I'm shocked you're standing for it'. It seemed to ruin the mood of our coffee out then and we haven't text since!

Would you be okay with a much older boy using a woman's toilet if they're with a carer?

Obviously, this isn't a trans argument and nobody 'identifying' as a woman should be using the ladies toilet.

This really isn't about that so I would appreciate if we could avoid that argument

It’s thinking of my 9 year old boy getting sexually abused which stops me sending him into the men’s room alone.

@caravanbuckie @x2boys

Of course it isn't wrong! I commented earlier that I bring my boy in, and I work with disabled adults so I have a FUCKTON of empathy thankyou. Hence my post to the OP. I also said she should seek more counselling and coping mechanisms as hitting a child especially a disabled one is abhorrent.
I just think she should be getting a more empathetic reaction because of why she is like that.

The toilet should be appropriate to the adult so in this case the women's toilets.

In those particular circs I'd be fine if the person was 11, 21, 31 ... it's a disabled person in distress & their carer trying to access sanitary facilities.

Again, if you’re likely to involuntarily attack disabled children maybe you need residential care.

I understood everything you said and I didn't say it was wrong. What was wrong was your utterly abhorrent suggestion that people needed to think about their children being raped. Disgusting.

I empathised with that poster from the start btw, I mentioned my complex PTSD as I feel that's a major factor in understanding and empathising.

Exactly

@caravanbuckie Well I hold my hands up and apologise for wording it like that, it does sound awful. I just meant some people react too quickly without really putting themselves in others shoes.

I wouldn't have a problem with that whatsoever, your friend sounds like a judgemental twat

The thing is lots of us on this thread are the parents of vulnerable disabled children,I have empathy for the at the p.p circumstances and what she r went through ,but I can't and nobody should be condoning attacking disabled children because of it.

An obvious emergency , I wouldn't care of the child was a teenager or even a young adult . She needed to sort them out .

Regular 10 year old boy, probably not unless he was with mum and not messing about etc just in/ out.

In this situation no way would I mind, the woman had no choice.

I have had to use a larger disability access cubicle in the past when it's stood empty and there's a queue for the regular ladies toilets when dc were desperate!

@x2boys Definitely didn't condone it, my post literally said "It's never okay to hit a child".

No issue whatsoever. On what planet does your 'friend' think this poses a risk to women. Adult, able bodied men are a different issue entirely - however they project.

There is a whole topic of people on here that would most likely agree with the friend in this scenario.

I cant see the harm. All the toilet cubicles have doors. Some folk.m

I would be 100% fine with that. Don’t understand how anyone wouldn’t be. You’d need to lack empathy, perspective and compassion to feel otherwise.

No, there really isn't.

Oh there really is.

No issue whatsoever! I would have been sympathetic and empathetic as you were. I can't see where your friend was coming from at all!

Agree. Shocking that anyone would have a problem with this.

This thread is a great example of the massive lack of understanding around 'severe' autism. Some people are lumping vulnerable, distressed children in with violent, dangerous males.

And good luck to anyone who ever tries to 'attack' my disabled child.

I wouldn't think twice if I saw a child in the female toilets unless they were being disrespectful in any way ie bothering people, being rude which I have seen happen from teen girls before in our town at weekends. Actually just using the toilet and sink then leaving I don't think I'd give two glances.

I have a disabled 12 year old who will never be able to access toilets themselves so maybe have a more open mindset. My child doesn't understand the difference between male and female toilets to them a toilet is a toilet. They couldn't even tell you their name they are no threat to anyone other than them.

The rape was not your fault. Equally, if you attack a disabled boy in the toilets, it would not be his fault. And he and his career would also be pretty traumatised by your action, which would still be an illegal assault, whatever lies behind it.

Zero issue from me. Id probably have asked if there was anything i could do? Like hold a bag her coat or something so she wasnt loaded down struggling. The poor lady that's 1 snippet of her day she probably has it much worse 24 7 and your friend is a twat.