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Would you be okay with a 10 year old using the ladies?

227 replies

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:42

Accompanied by their carer obviously

The disabled toilet was locked, there were two and both weren't responding to the access key this poor woman had

She had a very clearly disabled boy with her. He was in need of a change and crying, ripping at her coat and trying to bite and scratch her. No verbal words, just very flight risky and tried bolting off a few times. He had what looked like toddler reins on but obviously not exactly toddler ones

I say age 10 but that's generous, he was probably about 11/12. As tall as the woman etc and she wasn't tiny

She gave up then after he successful did manage to bite into her arm and marched him into the ladies

My friend was tutting and looked ready to say something, pretty much doing that look as if she was about to speak if the woman looked in her direction

I said leave her be. She said it was disgusting she was bringing such an older child into the toilet when he wasn't a small child or under 8/9.

I said she was desperate, leave her be

She said 'whatever, it isn't right and I'm shocked you're standing for it'. It seemed to ruin the mood of our coffee out then and we haven't text since!

Would you be okay with a much older boy using a woman's toilet if they're with a carer?

Obviously, this isn't a trans argument and nobody 'identifying' as a woman should be using the ladies toilet.

This really isn't about that so I would appreciate if we could avoid that argument Blush

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 30/12/2022 19:19

In the situation you describe I’d have no issues whatsoever. I like to think I might have offered to see if I could help.
NT 10 year olds are a big fat no!

Snowdropsarelovely · 30/12/2022 19:20

LittleDisaster · 30/12/2022 18:52

The situation you describe of course I'd have no issue at all. But what about an equally disabled 14/16/21/35 yo?

I'd be fine with that ! What else is the mum / carer supposed to do?

TheWheelsHaveComeOff · 30/12/2022 19:21

I would have absolutely no issue with this whatsoever. His exact age would also be irrelevant. Common sense dictates this boy is of very slim/no sexual assault and I would simply sympathise with the boys carer. It wouldn't even enter my head to have any anger about such a situation.

TheWheelsHaveComeOff · 30/12/2022 19:22

this boy is of very slim/no sexual assault threat*

Sux2buthen · 30/12/2022 19:22

Wouldn't be bothered at all bu a child of that age in the woman's toilets regardless of needs.

FourTeaFallOut · 30/12/2022 19:22

Trez1510 · 30/12/2022 19:18

This. There is a plethora of this type of thread on the main chat/AIBU boards.

I fear the transphobes in the Feminism - Gender Identity Issues are not receiving enough traffic to allow the prejudice to become 'accepted wisdom' to those who fall for any old crap that's designed to 'scare' them.

Although, the OPs 'sisters' could also see where her friend was coming from. 🙄

Don't piggy back on my post talking bollocks. You have completely misunderstood my cynicism.

Calphurnia88 · 30/12/2022 19:22

Your friend sounds like a bit of a dick.

LadyKenya · 30/12/2022 19:23

Smartiepants79 · 30/12/2022 19:19

In the situation you describe I’d have no issues whatsoever. I like to think I might have offered to see if I could help.
NT 10 year olds are a big fat no!

For you maybe.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 30/12/2022 19:23

Absolutely no issue at all. It's depressing to think that some do. Where is understanding of the situation and sympathy?

caravanbuckie · 30/12/2022 19:24

My biggest issue is with your repeated use of 'clearly disabled' - it indicates if you didn't see disability you would have a similar attitude to your friend.

MsRosley · 30/12/2022 19:25

Poor woman. And dump the horrible friend. How could she have so little empathy?

cansu · 30/12/2022 19:26

Anyone tutting and having an issue with this is a complete arse and I would be recoidering my friendship with someone as utterly stupid as your friend.

cansu · 30/12/2022 19:28

I should say I have a so with severe SN and LD aged 21 and I would do what I needed to do whether that be going into the mens or the ladies with him.

Trez1510 · 30/12/2022 19:31

FourTeaFallOut · 30/12/2022 19:22

Don't piggy back on my post talking bollocks. You have completely misunderstood my cynicism.

I did misunderstand your cynicism.

However, missing your cynicism does not equate to me talking bollocks.

HTH.

Hotsweatymomspagetti · 30/12/2022 19:32

Nope no issues even if it was an adult male with a female carer it wouldn’t bother me.

purpledalmation · 30/12/2022 19:33

Your friend was being a total arse. I'd rip her a new one I'd be so angry, but I am one of those mums struggling with a big disabled kid.

Hellno44 · 30/12/2022 19:34

Your friends s dick. The child needed adult supervision and assistance. The parents choice was use the ladies or use the men's. As the adult / carer is a lady she uses the ladies.

If it was a male parent with a female child he would be expected to take her into the men's. Your friend would have complained if a man came into the ladies to change a female child.

Googlecanthelpme · 30/12/2022 19:34

I’d have no issue with this at all.

If it was a person who absolutely needed to use the woman’s toilets for any other reason - let’s say access issue or disability or whatever, I don’t know exact reasons. But let’s say it was a disabled adult man or an adult man with a distressed child or anything like that, I’d be happy for a man to use the female toilet.

Each situation has to be judged on its own merit. If I felt vulnerable or felt it was a bit of an awkward or difficult situation then I’d bloody well wait outside and let him / them finish. And I’d let any woman know who came along to just hold back a second.

In general men and older male children shouldn’t be using female spaces no, but there will be the odd genuine occasion thst of course we have to make concession for, as sodding human beings.

your friend sounds like a shortsighted cretin.

SmartWatch · 30/12/2022 19:35

I'd have absolutely no issue with a NT boy in with their mum up to about 11. After that I'd think it was a little unusual but assume they had a hidden disability. Generally I'd have no issue with any male in the ladies toilet with their mother or female carer. I do however have an issue with men without additional needs in there and I don't consider thinking they are women to be an additional need.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 30/12/2022 19:35

YANBU it wouldn’t bother me. If the disabled was out of order what choice did she have? I also have a disabled DC and on occasion have taken him into the ladies if the disabled toilet is occupied. My dc isn’t very good at holding and on medication. I have to be with him as his carer because 1. He can not currently undertake personal care 2. He is very vulnerable and would talk to anyone. 3. Would freak out and have a meltdown when the hand air driers go off.

However I wouldn’t be as polite as the very desperate mum today and would have told your friend to mind her own business possibly followed a nice finger gesture.

I’ve grown a very thick skin when it comes to my DC because someone always feels they have the right to make a comment about us be it because we’re using a disabled toilet, to DC having a melt down in public because it’s to crowded or loud.

imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 19:36

In this scenario absolutely fine

been and done it. · 30/12/2022 19:39

Well I was in a service area the other day and a huge chap came out of the end cubicle and cleared off so no it wouldn't bother me at all..in fact I'd be thanking God it was her and not me if I'm honest.
People can be such insensitive knobs.

Hopeforrainbows · 30/12/2022 19:40

Absolutely more than ok. That’s what cubicles are for. Your friend is showing no empathy whatsoever. I’d be tutting at your friend for being so uncaring. In fact I’d have struggled to bite my tongue at your friend being so obviously rude to a mother who is doing the best she can in the circumstances.

Not like we can’t all have the privacy we need in a cubicle. And his carer would be doing what she could to hide his privacy.

BradfordGirl · 30/12/2022 19:40

I would be fine and have done this myself. One woman looked unhappy, I ignored her. Teenager could say a few words, but I needed to change his nappy and he could not do that.

Bicurator · 30/12/2022 19:41

I wouldn’t care about any 10 year old boy using the ladies, or any age male with a disability accompanied by a female carer. I think this country is woeful for people with disabilities and people should remember that things can change in an instant for anyone