Would you be okay with a 10 year old using the ladies?

[helpinghandinhisname]

Accompanied by their carer obviously

The disabled toilet was locked, there were two and both weren't responding to the access key this poor woman had

She had a very clearly disabled boy with her. He was in need of a change and crying, ripping at her coat and trying to bite and scratch her. No verbal words, just very flight risky and tried bolting off a few times. He had what looked like toddler reins on but obviously not exactly toddler ones

I say age 10 but that's generous, he was probably about 11/12. As tall as the woman etc and she wasn't tiny

She gave up then after he successful did manage to bite into her arm and marched him into the ladies

My friend was tutting and looked ready to say something, pretty much doing that look as if she was about to speak if the woman looked in her direction

I said leave her be. She said it was disgusting she was bringing such an older child into the toilet when he wasn't a small child or under 8/9.

I said she was desperate, leave her be

She said 'whatever, it isn't right and I'm shocked you're standing for it'. It seemed to ruin the mood of our coffee out then and we haven't text since!

Would you be okay with a much older boy using a woman's toilet if they're with a carer?

Obviously, this isn't a trans argument and nobody 'identifying' as a woman should be using the ladies toilet.

This really isn't about that so I would appreciate if we could avoid that argument

He's hardly any sort of threat to womankind is he?

I would have no problem with it, it doesn't sound like she had any other option.

i think you need some new friends.

I'm not sure I see the point of this thread.

No one with any decency or functioning moral compass would have an issue with this.

Exactly this.

I'd be absolutely fine with it.

So the point is I wanted to make sure that was the case! Job done really

Jesus your friend is a dick. And clearly has never had to deal with a disabled child. I dont have a disabled child either however I can have empathy for the situation this woman is in, god love her she must face this multiple times a day.

"adult man with a distressed child or anything like that, I’d be happy for a man to use the female toilet."

Most men in this situation would just take the child into the men's room.

It’s fine to use the most appropriate toilet facility when you HAVE to. She had to toilet her DS, nothing else was available. It’s not as though she’d be leaving him there to threaten /state at random women.
I get the point that that the lack of disabled facilities isn’t a female flaw or up to women to fix. But basic humanity suggests this child wasn’t a threat to anyone and just needed to use a toilet.

That poor woman. I have been there myself with my own disabled boy, who sounds very similar to the little boy you met. Being the parent of a disabled child is already so hard, the judgements/tuts/micro-aggressions we suffer are only the icing on the cake in terms of how difficult and isolating life is.

At least your friend has shown you what a judgmental arse she is.

I have a disabled child. You wouldn’t necessarily know it at first glance, or second glance either. But he is. He isn’t violent or non-verbal. He can pass as entirely neurotypical. But he wouldn’t be safe alone in a public toilet. He will talk to anyone. Believe anyone. Touch anyone. Let them touch him. He is my child and it is my job to keep him safe. And that is an end to it.

Anyone who has a problem with that can sit down, take a hard look in the mirror, and thank their lucky stars that they aren’t in my shoes. Or his.

Absolutely no problem at all! You have an awful friend

My nine year old boy is still so nervous about going into mens toilets on his own. We try our best if it looks clear and always go l if there are singular cubicles but if anyone tried to make my nervous CHILD feel awkward about using the ladies I'd give them short shift!

Luckily I've never met anyone who has been anything other than understanding and lovely!

I used to take my boys into the female toilet until around 9/10. I just didn’t trust creepy men not to be hanging around the male toilet.

Let’s face it, you could be in the ladies toilet nowadays and a man who has decided he is a woman a few weeks who could be in there with you.

Your friend sounds awful.

I’m also shocked so many posters take issue with a NT 10yr old boy using the ladies. I would not be happy with my 10 year old boy going into a men’s toilet alone, if men are a threat to women in women’s spaces they’re also a threat to pre pubescent boys. Pre pubescent boys are not a threat to women in women’s spaces, and women’s toilets are cubicles, men’s aren’t.

Exactly this

Of course I woudn't mind! God help us where is the compassion or understanding of anyone who did?

I would have absolutely no issue with a 10 year old boy entering the women's toilets, special needs or otherwise. For those that do, I wonder what on earth you think he might do?

A (NT) 10 yo boy is way too old to be in a women's space, like single sex toilets. This is a space requiring a degree of privacy; it's not 'what they might do', it's about the age at which it is appropriate for each sex to use spaces (toilets, changing rooms etc) appropriate to their sex.

I can't imagine many 10 yo boys want to use a woman's toilet. I know mine definitely didn't.

7 is usually the correct age recommended.

Recommended by whom? Also kids vary massively in size, I now plenty of ten year olds that could pass for 6/7 and vice versa, will you ID them?

Recommended by whom?

Based on my experience - that's the sign up in my local swimming pool, for example, and at a sports facility we use.

In terms of toilets, I have never seen a boy of more than about 5 use a female toilet space - not that I've looked too closely as it's simply not an issue anywhere I have been.

will you ID them?

No, what an odd thing to post. As I say, I've never seen the situation arise. If I noticed a boy that appeared older than usual, I would do nothing at all. However it's never arisen.

Only on MN is this an issue; and where there are apparently a whole host of mothers terrified for their sons to use men's toilets.

My DSs, and any other children I know, naturally gravitate towards the appropriate bathrooms as they are comfortable & competent to do so, without any discussion or angst needed.

I think it's very unfortunate that there is such a paucity of provision for this sort of situation. Older kids/adults with opposite sex carers, single parents trying to juggle multiple offspring of each sex - there's obviously a real need for additional unisex spaces.

The lad in the OP is going to need this, going forward, assuming he will still need assistance as an older teenager & adult.

It's not any sort of answer to suggest it's a good solution for his mum to routinely take him into the women's toilets - ok, so as a one off the disabled toilet was unavailable & so there was an emergency.

The gents would have been just as suitable as an option for a male with a helper, IMO, & either way, any sensible bystander would appreciate that the young man needed help, was with a female carer, & the obvious option of the disabled loo was out of action.

The women's toilets do not need to be the default. Either toilet would have worked.

Christ almighty, what kind of arsehole wouldn't even be comfortable with an adult disabled man in the women's with a carer?

Recommended by.....?

Oh sorry I see you've already semi answered that