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Original poster

Would you be okay with a 10 year old using the ladies?

227 replies

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:42

Accompanied by their carer obviously

The disabled toilet was locked, there were two and both weren't responding to the access key this poor woman had

She had a very clearly disabled boy with her. He was in need of a change and crying, ripping at her coat and trying to bite and scratch her. No verbal words, just very flight risky and tried bolting off a few times. He had what looked like toddler reins on but obviously not exactly toddler ones

I say age 10 but that's generous, he was probably about 11/12. As tall as the woman etc and she wasn't tiny

She gave up then after he successful did manage to bite into her arm and marched him into the ladies

My friend was tutting and looked ready to say something, pretty much doing that look as if she was about to speak if the woman looked in her direction

I said leave her be. She said it was disgusting she was bringing such an older child into the toilet when he wasn't a small child or under 8/9.

I said she was desperate, leave her be

She said 'whatever, it isn't right and I'm shocked you're standing for it'. It seemed to ruin the mood of our coffee out then and we haven't text since!

Would you be okay with a much older boy using a woman's toilet if they're with a carer?

Obviously, this isn't a trans argument and nobody 'identifying' as a woman should be using the ladies toilet.

This really isn't about that so I would appreciate if we could avoid that argument Blush

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 31/12/2022 08:37

@Sux2buthen

I answered this in my subsequent post 🤷🏻‍♀️

EarringsandLipstick · 31/12/2022 08:38

Cross-post, but I didn't 'semi' answer it, I responded to the best of my ability & in a logical way.

HTH

Sux2buthen · 31/12/2022 08:39

Yes I see that now.
It's common for boys over 5 to be in the womens loos/ changing. I think your experience is unusual.
As for the 7 year swimming thing, also unusual and a guideline rather than recommendation

Deathraystare · 31/12/2022 08:46

Certainly would not be bothered by this. The woman did what she had to under the circumstances. I know my bladder would not wait for options! It highlights that we are not all the same and some people have real difficulties in life.

The only thing that pisses me off is 'entire' men rocking up to the ladies' toilets.

I did have a sneaky laugh though at the two unisex loos in the theatre. Men actually have to queue with us! The poor dears!

EarringsandLipstick · 31/12/2022 08:59

Sux2buthen · 31/12/2022 08:39

Yes I see that now.
It's common for boys over 5 to be in the womens loos/ changing. I think your experience is unusual.
As for the 7 year swimming thing, also unusual and a guideline rather than recommendation

Well, all I can tell you is it is not unusual for me (Ireland). I've never noticed a boy of over 5 or so in the women's toilets or boys of anything more than 7 or so in the female changing rooms.

I don't particularly think about it nor would I react if there was a boy a bit older in either of these scenarios.

I have 3 DC; they naturally chose the appropriate toilet facility, unaccompanied, as age permitted. No big deal, no discussion and no angst.

If it's entirely different where you live, well, ok.

Gotafacelikea · 31/12/2022 09:05

Would not have a problem at all and would not think much of anyone who did. I’d also let them in front of me if there was a queue.

purpledalmation · 31/12/2022 11:56

Women's toilets have doors in case the 'no's' hadn't noticed. Literally nothing to see here. It would be far worse to enter a men's loo with all those disgusting urinals.

MintJulia · 31/12/2022 12:00

If he was disabled and she took him into a cubicle, yes of course.

Your friend is being unhelpful and ridiculous. What's she worried about, the boy seeing her washing her hands? Or getting a glimpse of the tampax machine.

willingtolearn · 31/12/2022 12:04

No issue with this at all, or an older individual of either sex whose carer was female, if there was no disabled toilet available.

The lack of disabled toilet access did lead to the problem though and both the carer and the person being cared for may have felt embarrassed to be put in that situation. Not ideal for their dignity and privacy.

Bigdamnheroes · 31/12/2022 12:10

No I wouldn't be ok with that at all. I was raped by a teenager in his bathroom and faced with a teen boy behaving unpredictably in a similar space I believed to be safe, well that teen would be hurt, badly.

I wouldn't be in control of my response I don't think, it would be full on flashback, fight like my life depends on it and I'm not 9 anymore so he'd likely come out of it somewhat worse for wear. Boys that age don't belong in the ladies.

caravanbuckie · 31/12/2022 12:21

Bigdamnheroes · 31/12/2022 12:10

No I wouldn't be ok with that at all. I was raped by a teenager in his bathroom and faced with a teen boy behaving unpredictably in a similar space I believed to be safe, well that teen would be hurt, badly.

I wouldn't be in control of my response I don't think, it would be full on flashback, fight like my life depends on it and I'm not 9 anymore so he'd likely come out of it somewhat worse for wear. Boys that age don't belong in the ladies.

I understand your reaction due to your trauma, not surely you can see a 10 year old disabled child with his career is no threat?

I have complex PTSD and I often react in ways that are extreme, but I absolutely understand that to be my problem.

QueefQueen80s · 31/12/2022 12:25

I take my 8 year old in, no way is he using the mens on his own.

FatGirlSwim · 31/12/2022 12:31

No issue whatsoever.

Nor do I have an issue with trans women using the ladies’ loo, and not sure why you brought this up.

Bigdamnheroes · 31/12/2022 15:30

@caravanbuckie It's not a logical reaction. I can sit here and say oh yeah it's fine but if I actually came face to face him, I will likely freak out, have a panic attack and if he is between me and the door, I will likely hurt him to get away.

It would leave me vomiting and shaking with adrenaline for the rest of the day and honestly, I feel as a woman, I have more right to use the ladies in safety than a male does. Even a disabled male. There are disabled toilets there. If your key doesn't work, ask for access. Press the button for assistance.

I have sympathy for his mother struggling but it doesn't trump the rights of women to have female only facilities.

x2boys · 31/12/2022 15:51

helpinghandinhisname · 30/12/2022 18:47

Thank goodness so many of you agree Flowers

Honestly I don't know how this woman does it but she obviously does and I admire that

I feel really quite sad people would be 'judging'

What's the alternative?
I have a severely autistic non verbal 12_yr old you tend to grow a thick skin to.ignor ent people ,I know you think you are being kind but parents of disabled, children have no choice but to.get on With it ,We need more changing spaces for disabled adults and children

x2boys · 31/12/2022 15:54

Bigdamnheroes · 31/12/2022 15:30

@caravanbuckie It's not a logical reaction. I can sit here and say oh yeah it's fine but if I actually came face to face him, I will likely freak out, have a panic attack and if he is between me and the door, I will likely hurt him to get away.

It would leave me vomiting and shaking with adrenaline for the rest of the day and honestly, I feel as a woman, I have more right to use the ladies in safety than a male does. Even a disabled male. There are disabled toilets there. If your key doesn't work, ask for access. Press the button for assistance.

I have sympathy for his mother struggling but it doesn't trump the rights of women to have female only facilities.

You would attack a disabled child ?
Seriously if you attacked my disabled child I would call the police and hope they would prosecute .

AllOfThemWitches · 31/12/2022 15:55

Yes, I've had to do it with my autistic 10yo and if anyone took issue with me, i wouldn't have a single pleasant thing to say in response.

AllOfThemWitches · 31/12/2022 15:58

You would attack a disabled child ?
Seriously if you attacked my disabled child I would call the police and hope they would prosecute .

Same.

AllOfThemWitches · 31/12/2022 15:59

'Even a disabled male' says it all. Absolutely fuck all idea, head's wedged firmly up her arse. Get a grip.

Ansumpasty · 31/12/2022 16:00

Sorry, haven’t read the whole thread.

Your friend was an absolute dick. What kind to person WOULD have an issue with that?

Also, I don’t see 10 as a ‘much older child’ either and wouldn’t have an issue with them using a ladies toilet. They’re still very young- what exactly is someone’s issue with this? It’s very unlikely that they’ve even started puberty…what risk exactly to they pose!?

caravanbuckie · 31/12/2022 16:00

Bigdamnheroes · 31/12/2022 15:30

@caravanbuckie It's not a logical reaction. I can sit here and say oh yeah it's fine but if I actually came face to face him, I will likely freak out, have a panic attack and if he is between me and the door, I will likely hurt him to get away.

It would leave me vomiting and shaking with adrenaline for the rest of the day and honestly, I feel as a woman, I have more right to use the ladies in safety than a male does. Even a disabled male. There are disabled toilets there. If your key doesn't work, ask for access. Press the button for assistance.

I have sympathy for his mother struggling but it doesn't trump the rights of women to have female only facilities.

I don't even know what to say to this Sad

lifeinthelastlane · 31/12/2022 16:01

FatGirlSwim · 31/12/2022 12:31

No issue whatsoever.

Nor do I have an issue with trans women using the ladies’ loo, and not sure why you brought this up.

It surely goes without saying that someone who is happy with the loo being unisex won't mind a boy using it.

BCBird · 31/12/2022 16:04

I would not have a problem. I would cut the poor woman some slack.

boboshmobo · 31/12/2022 16:05

My son is 11 and although small I take him into the ladies with me as he can't go alone to the men's . He has sn and limited speech ..
I was thinking I do need to take him into the Disabled now but I don't want to be in th way of someone disabled using it ..

Interesting as someone so doable cannot be compared to a NT child of that age and your friend sounds very mean and entitled ( and obviously very lucky she hasn't had to deal with such situations !!🙄🙄)
Life is very tough with a disabled child!

roarfeckingroarr · 31/12/2022 16:05

Wouldn't bother me at all and I feel very strongly about women's single sex spaces