Can I just have a moany, sweary, hateful rant about infertility?

[TheWayItAllWouldGo]

I am just done.

I hate my fucking body. I hate being the only childless one in my family. I hate the ovulation tracking, the pleading to the universe, the fucking 2 million pregnancy tests I've taken every month for the last 5 years.

The late periods.

The faulty tests and evap lines.

The stabbing pain in my heart when I see that light spotting yet again.

The having to schedule sex around my fucking fertility app.

The lovely pregnancy announcements I've seen from people I know lately.

The "when are you having kids?"

The "just stop stressing and it will happen"

The "we are blessed" posts

The crying.

The loneliness.

The pain.

I hate it all.

Yes I've been to the doctor. please don't offer me any advice. I just need to swear, cry and profess my hatred for life and how utterly cruel it is. I will go back to being happy for everyone tomorrow and nobody will ever know how deeply heartbroken I am.

I hear you. And I'm sorry.

op, I haven’t been through it- my cousin is doing ivf- first time lost hers and this time lost two. I’m so sorry, offering you a hand hold through your rant. I like to think some things you really want don’t come easy, ironically. I hope 2023 holds better things for you xx

I can't relate (other than to 'when are you having kids') because I'm childfree through choice, but offering you a 'listen' for your rant and hoping you will be able to get through Christmas as well as possible in the circumstances.

I am sorry, you are allowed to be all those things!

💐💐💐

It’s shit. And you have every right to feel angry and sad about it all. I feel for you and wish you only good things.

I’m really sorry. That is shit.

I really hope it happens.

This may not be for you at all, but a friend adopted a baby a couple of years ago. A lot more babies and toddlers in need of adoption that people realise, apparently.

op have you had a day 21 progesterone test through your GP?

Absolutely rant!
I totally know where you are coming from. It is shit.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope you do manage to have a baby xx

Rant away - it’s shit for you and you are allowed to be ducking angry

Scream as much as you need. I hear you

sorry for typo

Oh OP. I get it.

Just for a month or two, I'd dump all the apps and timings and checking temperatures. Stick it all in the bin until Easter.

Have Christmas and New Year getting pissed and having sex when you feel like it, just for the sheer hassle-free pleasure of it. Give yourselves a break. 🍷

I'm sorry. Rant all you like. I remember one Christmas many years ago when it all got too much. I came home from visiting relatives & roared, cried & ranted all night. People can be so insensitive. Oh the 'just relax' comments. I could've screamed when smug people told me to do that. Bloody MIL & her stupid comments too. Wishing you lots of love.

I'm broken. In body, mind, heart.

I've had my baby names picked out for 20 years. I'll never get to use them.

Never get to see those 2 pink lines. Except for the few buggered up tests that tell me I'm pregnant when I'm not.

And the irony of it is I look after people's precious babies for a living.

My heart feels so heavy.

I hate it too. I'm with you.

And the person who said, "you're not infertile, you had a miscarriage" when that was over 2 years ago and nothing since: special place in hell.

I hear you, although I was eventually blessed with IVF DC, it was 6 long years of heartache, it’s not fair and was the worst time of my life after losing my mum young, all I ever wanted was my own family, I got there in the end, I really hope the same happens for you 💐

I'm with you, except I'm also a few years further along than you and I've found the closer I get to mid 40 the less often I get asked when I'm having kids etc. I've also found being very blunt helps but that depends how comfortable you are with that

The just relax bit always pissed me off. My mum kept saying it to me and I had to point out that we didnt start off with ovulation charts and thermometers, we started off very relaxed, it's only when that didn't work out we moved on to other option

And all the 'oh I know someone who got pregnant when they were 42 and had given up trying' they can all fuck off too. Because I know I can't have kids, I tried for nearly 10 years, I now have a coil to reduce the risk of endometrial cancer, but I can still hear the voices in my head telling me 'maybe' and honestly it's the tiny bit of hope that is the killer

@TheTheWayItAllWouldGo thank you for posting this OP ❤️ you've put into words exactly how I was feeling. I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same. It's utterly shite and unfair and so so lonely. Two years since I had my coil out and another Christmas putting the tree up wondering if the next time I do so I'll be a mum or pregnant. Laid here crying on Christmas eve with searing pain in my ovaries, just being reminded how much none of it works as it should.

My friend is going through the same. The unbelievably insensitive pish folk throw at her when she’s at her lowest. This weeks offering? that she was selfish and self absorbed. And that the world doesn’t revolve around her feelings.

This coming from someone who has children.

shout and rant all you want.

I had secondary infertility, had ds & then tried for 6 years for another baby, peed on thousands of sticks, held my breath every time my period was due, knew the A-Z of pregnancy tests. My marriage ended & within 3 months I was pregnant only to lose my baby girl at 16 weeks, it broke me.

I’m so sorry.
it’s unbelievably shit. I hope that you get your precious baby.
Absolutely not the same - I have DC but I’m going through early menopause and can’t have any more. I’m seeing babies everywhere.

I’m sorry. It’s horrible, it’s cruel and it’s unfair.

Big hugs. My friend is going through this. It’s shit. And the fact she’d make a brilliant mum makes it all the worse to witness. I hope your dreams become a reality for 2023 ❤️

It’s shit and cruel , rant away I’m happy to listen. May 2023 answer your prayers.