Can I just have a moany, sweary, hateful rant about infertility?

[TheWayItAllWouldGo]

I am just done.

I hate my fucking body. I hate being the only childless one in my family. I hate the ovulation tracking, the pleading to the universe, the fucking 2 million pregnancy tests I've taken every month for the last 5 years.

The late periods.

The faulty tests and evap lines.

The stabbing pain in my heart when I see that light spotting yet again.

The having to schedule sex around my fucking fertility app.

The lovely pregnancy announcements I've seen from people I know lately.

The "when are you having kids?"

The "just stop stressing and it will happen"

The "we are blessed" posts

The crying.

The loneliness.

The pain.

I hate it all.

Yes I've been to the doctor. please don't offer me any advice. I just need to swear, cry and profess my hatred for life and how utterly cruel it is. I will go back to being happy for everyone tomorrow and nobody will ever know how deeply heartbroken I am.

I'm so sorry. I've watched my friend go through ivf and it didn't work. It's so hard and no words will make it better. ❤️❤️

This was me 30 years ago. It's the shittiest most awful feeling in the world. No one who has been through it will ever understand just how utterly soul destroying infertility is. To not be able to achieve something so natural and normal to so many other women just seems so senseless and unfair. Even now even though things have worked out well for me and I'm happy, I still feel the pang and remember how hopeless it all was. Its very early days for you right now but I hope you can eventually find some peace.

I understand, and it is completely shit. Take care of yourself.

I feel this too and also look after other people's babies for a living ❤️ finding it extra hard today

I hear you. I have been there. The pain is indescribable x

Rant and shout as much as you like, I didn't, I wish I had. I just kept silent.
I was slightly different, I could conceive easily but not carry. Same result, no child.
DH was kind and sympathetic at the time. That helped me. All 15 years ago now.

I am so sorry. It is absolutely shit. Rant away all you want. You deserve a really good swear and some nice wine. I hope that you find people in real life who totally get it and you can spend time with. It can feel very isolating to be in this position.

OP, I am so sorry. It’s just shit.

i remember when I frequented the infertility forums a few years ago there were a couple of long running threads with an awesome group of women. You might find them resonant reading now:

mind number boredom here - www.mumsnet.com/talk/infertility/2468049-The-mind-numbing-boredom-of-infertility#59546733

uber barrens here - www.mumsnet.com/talk/infertility/3191089-Uber-barren-ghetto-elite-squad-9th-battalion

I am with you! 5 years of infertility and ivf failures!

I am sorry you are struggling. It's heartbreaking.
💗

That false positive pregnancy test is especially cruel, OP. It looks so convincing except that the line is too thin. I’ve never seen any like that.

🙄🤐

I hear you OP. Its fucking shit and unfair.

A lot more babies and toddlers in need of adoption that people realise, apparently.

Well, shit! Who knew?

Seriously though - why is the responsibility of the infertile to adopt all these babies and toddlers in need?

This!!!!!

I know there's people who feel the need to always say something positive/comforting but it doesn't help. Let people grieve and let them acknowledge that sometimes things are shit. Adoption is NOT a plaster for infertility.

I’m so sorry, this is such a shit time of year for those grieving. You really sound like you are a lovely and incredibly strong person behind all this. It’s so unfair.

So sorry Il people are so nosy asking questions they have no business asking

"Not everyone gets their baby" this is it. The correct thing to say. There isn't always hope.

It's like a 101 for things not to say to I childless woman: adopt/ I couldn't have a brother or sister for my first born/ still got time yet/ have you had a day 21 test/ have you tried the clearblue monitor/ took me four months with number 2 and I cried every day. Ad nauseum.

Yes I am one of those. Childless not but choice. 42. So game over for me I will

Everyone forget about us hopeless causes.

@TheWayItAllWouldGo sorry you're going through this 😪❤

OP ... Dont waste years away ... travel . eat at every fancy restaurant you wish .. live another life to the one you had planned and smash it ... xxxx

I feel the same OP & I’ve been in this a year. I feel for you & myself.

I’ve had enough but at the same time not enough to give up yet.

God I hope it happens.

100% & it’s mentioned so causally like there are child, like dogs, waiting to be collected.

I want MY OWN child, cheers.

It is shit indeed. I had an illness a few years ago that means I can’t have kids. Really feel it as Christmas.

It's honestly shit, we tried for 8 years and unfortunately it doesn't always happen for everyone.

I should be approaching my due date this week, except we never got past week 5 and we can’t afford more ivf. I’m a midwife. Mostly I can paper over how much it hurts that we won’t ever have a baby of our own but sometimes it’s just too much. I really get it. We aren’t going to be one of those ‘oh but after 5 years we had a baby’ couples, I just have to accept that some people never get their happy ending. Shit things happen to good people. Love to you, OP and all those in the same position.