Disengaged dh still not asked about Christmas food

[IncessantNameChanger]

I posted about him last week. We did finish off the kids presents and he spent most of yesterday wrapping. But there never was any engagement with buying food.

I bought a few things every week so we have starters, mains, afters, some part cook rolls for boxing day. My and the kids breakfast. Pickles.

The things he likes? No booze, no cheeses, no snacks or nibbles, no pate, no dips etc. No new years food.

I have decided to take the kids to the cinema today so he can let it sink in. I have everything me snd kids enjoy. But I do feel he just checked out this year.

I have decided this year resolution is to stop trying to do everything. Starting right now. I'm done with carrying the mental load

You’re right he’s not because OP said no.

Shes engaging with dinner and Xmas prep so that’s different isn’t it.

he’s been mopping and not engaging for weeks but she should still cater to him? Haha give me a break, would you actually do that 🤣🤣

Apologies if I got that wrong. I wasn't aware of the other thread either.

Tbh this has all become quite confusing.

OP has another thread going from last week.

She is a SAHM to four and a carer to one one of those, DH works full-time and does all the cooking as well as Christmas dinner, I believe.

He also, by OP's own admission in her first post, spent yesterday wrapping presents, so I don't think it's fair to say he's a lazy arse who doesn't engage or contribute.

Its very rare you'll find me on the side of the husband in these threads. Because typically the woman is correct in that she is doing the heavy lifting 'the mental load' carrying and so on, because more men don't pull their weight domestically than do.
But in your case, if what people have said about your previous threads is correct, plus your own account, you come across as being overlly demanding, and piggy backing on the fact that a lot of men can be inadequate to justify your unfair expectations and unreasonable treatment of one of the rare examples that isn't.

Totally agree.
To not pick up the things he likes to eat when you’re already shopping is just being horrible in my opinion.

VERY misleading OP. And to think - I totally had your back 🤣

Lol - well done OP 🙄 enjoy your miserable Christmas Day

Oh lord. I don't think this is going to teach him the lesson you think it will. The mature thing would have been to say to him "I got stuff for me and the kids so you need to make sure you go get the things you want" instead of passive-aggressively and purposely not getting him anything and staying silent so he can be disappointed on Christmas day.

Don't forget you have children there who will see this happen! How do you think they are going to feel sitting there eating their special breakfast on Christmas morning while their dad has nothing?

Sorry OP but you sound very nagging and hard work , he works all week and does all the cooking by your own admission, surely you can step up and buy a few treats he likes when you shop if you’ve been together long enough to make a family of 4 you’ve had plenty of time to know what he likes as a treat
maybe you have nagged so much he just switched off to get a break from it

He sounds like he is depressed. And I think your passive agrressiveness might not help?
Instead of talking about next week etc, why can't you say, like lets go food shopping for Christmas now, etc?

Aww this made me so sad 😢 poor bloke

I'm afraid some men just aren't that interested in domestic detail to the extent some women are. If he normally cooks and does stuff and works full time- I don't see it's massive issue he isn't that interested in the Xmas food shop.

How did it go yesterday OP? Hope you managed to have a good day.

This ffs. It isnt helping the woman to do her jobs. These are things adults, not women.

anyway, op if it is not the standard in your house that he disengages at Christmas, it does seem like there is more to it.

how did the day go?

The things he likes? No booze, no cheeses, no snacks or nibbles, no pate, no dips etc. No new years food.
the domestic detail you speak of was what the h wanted to eat and drink. you do know how sexist you sound too, right?

He spent a day wrapping presents, did some present shopping for kids, seems he's the one who gets up early to collect son from nightshift. He isn't doing nothing is he and honestly where is this terrible mental load picking up some cheese, pate, wine when you are already in the supermarket?

If my husband was in the supermarket and decided to deliberately just buy what he likes and nothing I liked I'd be thinking what a nasty spiteful person he is, sexism wouldn't come into it, if I was in a same sex relationship and she did the same I'd feel exactly the same.

I didn't realise he did all the cooking. Maybe he'll just cook enough for him and the kids and OP can sit and watch.

I’d love to know how the last few days went.

I wonder if OP read the thread and finally realised she was being utterly ridiculous and sorted out the food in the end.

Or whether she stuck to her guns and enjoyed herself immensely every time he looked in the fridge for something that wasn’t there.

I don’t think we’ll ever find out, because coming back and admitting she was wrong is too difficult, or perhaps the idea of being smug when he was looking for some brie wasn’t actually as enjoyable as one thought it would be.

I’d imagine now that Boxing Day is behind us, maybe some harsh truths have been learnt (sadly at the family’s expense).

Everything was fine. Sorry to disappointed you all. We all had a lovely time. I won't be buying as much as food as we normally do as no one seemed to miss anything and we have saved lots of money and time. Sorry

Great that you had a good time.

TBH I wasn't really bothered either way. as I had totally forgotten about this thread.

Much ado about nothing?

That's lovely, OP.

So he had just disengaged with Christmas food and not with family life after all?

I realise I bought far too much stuff and haven't even made my Boxing Day meal yet as no-one fancied another big meal yesterday, so I'll be cutting back on stocking up for the apocalypse next year too!