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Original poster

Should I tell the school DD doesn’t intend on showing up?

195 replies

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 19:58

DD(15) is in Year 12(not in England) and her last day of term is Tuesday which is a half day and non uniform day.

Anyway, she says they aren’t doing too much in class at the minute and that on Monday she is just going to stay at home and do her coursework and on Tuesday morning, she is going out with her friends who are also skipping school.

i have told her that she should at least go in on Monday as it is a full day, I have said I don’t want her taking Tuesday off either but If she is to take either off, I’d much rather she had Tuesday off over Monday as it is a shorter day and they probably won’t be doing anything apart from watching Christmas movies as she’ll only have 2-3 classes and it’ll be home time.

that aside, I can’t force her to go in. Should I ring the school first thing on Monday morning and tell them she has said she is not coming in on the last 2 days? Or I don’t know if I shohld just call her in sick to save any hassle but I really don’t want to lie to them!

OP posts:
BewareTheBeardedDragon · 17/12/2022 20:01

Don't lie to them - do tell them she has decided not to come in. She may well get in trouble when she returns and it may teach her a lesson. I would remind her that when she has a job she can't just decide not to go in because she doesn't feel like it.

Smartiepants79 · 17/12/2022 20:02

Do you get to pick and choose when you want to go to work??
Will she actually use Monday to do constructive work?? Or is she likely to spend most of it on the phone?
If you’re accepting and supporting her not going then you need to phone them and tell them she’s ill. They will contact you and ask where she is if she just doesn’t turn up. What are you up planning on saying??

Quveas · 17/12/2022 20:05

She is old enough to deal with consequences. Why should you lie to them? If there are consequences, that's her problem. Tell them the truth. She's decided not to attend school.

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TheOtherBoleynGirls · 17/12/2022 20:11

So she wants to bunk and you’re contemplating lying to the school about it? Nope. She wants to skive she can take the hit.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 17/12/2022 20:16

Agree with others. Let her deal with it. She is old enough to decide what she wants to do, she should be old enough to deal with it.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 20:17

I’ve made it clear to her that she should be in school on both days unless she genuinely is unwell, however, I don’t mind her taking Tuesday off as much as Monday given that the last day is usually just Christmas movies and a carol service and then home.

Ive made it clear that if I do tell the school the truth that she will have to accept any consequences they may impose on her in the new year. She said that they’re not going to care or do anything given it is the end of term.

I hope she changes her mind and goes in. I don’t want to lie as I don’t want her getting in trouble but I also don’t want to all the hassle of being called in to discuss her behaviour with her head of year.

OP posts:
cansu · 17/12/2022 20:21

Given she is only 15 and a child, why don't you tell her that she is going to school and that she does not get to decide this. If she refuses to go, I would not be facilitating any shopping trips either. You sound very weak with her.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 20:25

cansu · 17/12/2022 20:21

Given she is only 15 and a child, why don't you tell her that she is going to school and that she does not get to decide this. If she refuses to go, I would not be facilitating any shopping trips either. You sound very weak with her.

I have told her, and I have been firm with her but I can’t drag her into school.

I won’t be facilitating any shopping trips. She would be getting the bus, or so she says.

OP posts:
healthadvice123 · 17/12/2022 20:25

Surely you can make her go to school if you want as consequences at home if she doesn't go in as well ?
If you agree to a day off thats fair enough but not if you don't and then next end of te
Will be a we aren't doing anything day etc

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 17/12/2022 20:30

Agree with cansu, you sound very weak. My ds is 14. He said half of his class is off last few days of school, so he wants to stay home too. I said yeah, no way. And off he went.
You say you don't mind her taking day off. So you don't have principle at all. She can see right through you.

It's up to you, let the child decide, and you cover for her. Or not.

cansu · 17/12/2022 20:32

The school will expect you to send her in as you are her parent and should make the decisions. You are essentially saying that you are unable to enforce any consequences at home. She really should be told that she will not be allowed to go out shopping if she has not attended school. I appreciate that teenagers are not easy but you sound like you have given up.

Balloonsandroses · 17/12/2022 20:36

I have a 15 y/o DD who also thinks the last two days of school were pointless. She knows she has to go anyway. Saying you’d rather she took Tuesday off than Monday is lending at least some support to the idea of Tuesday off - zero tolerance here for bunking off. I wouldn’t dream of phoning school for her - she can deal with the consequences herself. Wouldn’t come up here though as mine knows she’d get very short shrift if bunking off (“you can’t be bothered to go to school? I can’t be bothered to pay for your phone / give you a lift anywhere / wash preferred items of clothing etc etc”)

surreygirl1987 · 17/12/2022 20:41

Whaaat?! You're enabling her to bunk school, and you're leaving it to the school to sort out the consequences?! What am I reading?!

I'm a teacher and it drives me absolutely mad when parents don't play their part. Kids bunking school, refusing to do their homework, not turning up for detention etc... we are limited in the consequences we can apply (we can't drag them in either!), and when we call parents at home, we get 'well, what can I do?' 🙄 The kids know there will be no consequences so they get away with whatever they like.

surreygirl1987 · 17/12/2022 20:42

I agree with the above post 100%! Now, those are the consequences I'm talking about!

Original poster
asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 20:47

No no. I don’t condone her skiving school.

I don’t want her off on both days, at all. She should be in school.

But, whilst overall I do feel she should be in school, I wouldn’t mind her having Tuesday off as much as I would mind her having both days off - but overall, I want her in on both days.

I want to tell the school but at the same I don’t want her getting into trouble but maybe I should just tell them so that it doesn’t give her the idea that it is ok to just skip school and mum and dad will ring in sick for her.

OP posts:
FatGirlSwim · 17/12/2022 20:52

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 20:55

FatGirlSwim · 17/12/2022 20:52

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

What wouldn’t? Your DC bunking off school or having to ring in and say she refused to go?

OP posts:
Forgetaboutme · 17/12/2022 20:58

I am a little surprised at the responses here. My 16 year old has missed the last few days before Christmas every year of high school. I did the same thing at his age. It was just going from class to class watching movies. Not sure where you all are but where I live more kids than not miss the last week. I've never called the school about it.

whynotwhatknot · 17/12/2022 20:59

if she doesnt go in its a sick day so should be at home in her room not going out shopping with her mates

wtf

whynotwhatknot · 17/12/2022 21:00

Forgetaboutme · 17/12/2022 20:58

I am a little surprised at the responses here. My 16 year old has missed the last few days before Christmas every year of high school. I did the same thing at his age. It was just going from class to class watching movies. Not sure where you all are but where I live more kids than not miss the last week. I've never called the school about it.

nope never did that-i was in school in the 80s

Kanaloa · 17/12/2022 21:00

To be honest I do think the last couple of days of school are utterly pointless. You could watch Home Alone in your own house in comfort rather than on a rubbish screen an uncomfortable classroom. It’s a waste of time really.

To me it would depend how the rest of her attendance is and how her behaviour is generally. If she’s a good student and a well behaved teen I’d let her have the last day and a half off. People love to say ‘oh you can’t just take time off uni/work whenever you like’ but like… yes you can. You manage your own time at work - if you want a day off you take a sick day.

Kanaloa · 17/12/2022 21:01

Forgetaboutme · 17/12/2022 20:58

I am a little surprised at the responses here. My 16 year old has missed the last few days before Christmas every year of high school. I did the same thing at his age. It was just going from class to class watching movies. Not sure where you all are but where I live more kids than not miss the last week. I've never called the school about it.

And you never even saw the end of the movies. The first hour of every one.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 21:03

Well, sadly I don’t think she is going to change her mind. She has just told me again that she will be staying off on Monday and will be going out with her friends on Tuesday.

between now and Monday, i will have to discuss with DH whether we ring in and tell school she refused to go or make an exception since it’s end of term and she hasn’t had any days off this term and ring her in sick.

OP posts:
gliiterryballs · 17/12/2022 21:04

I want to tell the school but at the same I don’t want her getting into trouble

This is your problem. Why don't you want her to get in to trouble? She should be getting into trouble, from both you and school. Why are you accepting this from her? You want he in school so she goes to school. If she refuses you punish her. So should school.

gliiterryballs · 17/12/2022 21:05

Just to add I have no opinion on whether or not she should be in school, mine missed plenty of these days over the years, but; you want her to go to school, so you need to enforce that.