Should I tell the school DD doesn’t intend on showing up?

[asblindasabat]

DD(15) is in Year 12(not in England) and her last day of term is Tuesday which is a half day and non uniform day.

Anyway, she says they aren’t doing too much in class at the minute and that on Monday she is just going to stay at home and do her coursework and on Tuesday morning, she is going out with her friends who are also skipping school.

i have told her that she should at least go in on Monday as it is a full day, I have said I don’t want her taking Tuesday off either but If she is to take either off, I’d much rather she had Tuesday off over Monday as it is a shorter day and they probably won’t be doing anything apart from watching Christmas movies as she’ll only have 2-3 classes and it’ll be home time.

that aside, I can’t force her to go in. Should I ring the school first thing on Monday morning and tell them she has said she is not coming in on the last 2 days? Or I don’t know if I shohld just call her in sick to save any hassle but I really don’t want to lie to them!

Why is it the school's responsibility to punish her when you won;t put any consequences in place?
Saying "well don't go then" is encouraging her to stay off in my opinion.

And what consequences will she get at home for bunking off of school?

So many miseries on this thread!

Talk about picking your battles.

Making a fuss about this is setting up battles and barriers in your relationship for no reason.

I wouldn't say anything. Wait until next term and see if they ask, then procrastinate.

Talk about picking your battles.

Making a fuss about this is setting up battles and barriers in your relationship for no reason
If a child feels entitled to rule the roost and inform their parent that they've booked social things with their friends instead of attending school, I'm going to guess there's not been many barriers at all.

The problem here isn’t whether or not it’s ok for her to take the days - that’s another debate. But the fact she’s dictating to you and seems to have full control of your relationship. It’s not on, you need to parent your child.

This isn’t about giving in, if she’s adamant she’s not going then I can’t do anything about that except take her phone away from her, block internet access on her laptop at certain times and cancel our trip to the Xmas markets.

I probably will just ring the school in the morning and tell them she won’t be in the next 2 days as she wont go in. It is a decision they have to make if they wish to punish her in the new year.

you’re right it’s not about giving in, there’s nothing to give into she’s already in control.

I think you should contact a family contact centre for support and a parenting class - they are super helpful and will work with you and your daughter, it seems as if your relationship needs a bit of an overhaul. Have you considered a parenting class? They are great, but it really does sound like you need the support.

It's not for no reason.

I agree that we should pick our battles. For me, responsibility and commitment are battles worth picking. Teaching a child that you can just duck out of you can't be bothered is not a good idea imo. I do get that we all have different ideas of what's important though.

“I think you should contact a family contact centre for support and a parenting class - they are super helpful and will work with you and your daughter, it seems as if your relationship needs a bit of an overhaul. Have you considered a parenting class? They are great, but it really does sound like you need the support.”

Bloody hell. They’d laugh you out of the shop

This isn’t about giving in, if she’s adamant she’s not going then I can’t do anything about that except take her phone away from her, block internet access on her laptop at certain times and cancel our trip to the Xmas markets.

So tell her that is the consequence if she chooses not to go in. Parent her. Or do you not want to miss Xmas markets yourself?

Also, year 12? They're not watching
movies for 1.5 days. Maybe in y7.

Sep200024 · Today 18:13
“I think you should contact a family contact centre for support and a parenting class - they are super helpful and will work with you and your daughter, it seems as if your relationship needs a bit of an overhaul. Have you considered a parenting class? They are great, but it really does sound like you need the support.”

Bloody hell. They’d laugh you out of the shop
......................

I agree with you, Sep. The girl is 15, not 10. When she is 16 she will be able to leave home! The op hasn't said her daughter is usually troublesome. This issue is not a big deal. I wish I had been more assertive at 15!

This isn’t about giving in, if she’s adamant she’s not going then I can’t do anything about that except take her phone away from her, block internet access on her laptop at certain times and cancel our trip to the Xmas markets.
Which you have already said she won't/doesn't care about.

I probably will just ring the school in the morning and tell them she won’t be in the next 2 days as she wont go in. It is a decision they have to make if they wish to punish her in the new year.
That's it, throw your hands up & leave it in the hands of her teachers.
It's not like you could ring them up & strategise this together to at least achieve an acceptable outcome is it?

What are you going to do it DD is right, & her teachers "won't care" are too overwhelmed by overwork to issue a reprimand or consequences in the new year?
Just meekly accept it?
That'll be great. You'll have taught DD that your opinion means nowt, & she can do as she pleases. Because you won't step up & parent, & she is smart enbough to dodge school reprimands. Good lesson.

My teen DS won't be going into school on Wednesday (a half day) as none of his friends are going either. There won't be any consequences.

Our Primary school finished for a half day on Friday as one of the teachers was getting married at noon. They're back in for 3 days next week.

I always find it weird the posters who compare school to paid work when they're two completely different things. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I always find it weird the posters who compare school to paid work when they're two completely different things.
Apples & oranges are two completely different things. They're both fruit though.

My teen DS won't be going into school on Wednesday (a half day) as none of his friends are going either. There won't be any consequences.
Sounds fun, but not relevant, as OP feels her DD's school has a different structure.
Also - this isn't about the days off per se, it's about OP's seeming unwillingness or maybe inability to parent her teenage daughter, despite being worried about the issue.

I managed to get her to go in today, thankfully, but myself and DH have mutually agreed to allow her to have tomorrow off. She finishes at 12.30pm and would only be attending 2 classes then there is a carol service which she has no interest in and then it will be home time so I’m happy for her to have tomorrow off instead.

It's great that she's agreed to let you be the parent on this occasion.

Good luck with the next few years.

I was really only concerned about her having both days off, or today on its own as she had a full timetable today.

Tomorow she only has a couple of classes due to the half day and she is likely to be out class all morning in the assembly hall at the carol service so she won’t be missing much. So I’m not really worried in the slightest.

And I agreed to let her stay off.

Why is she allowed out with friends on Tuesday if she bunks off school Monday? I know “grounding” isn’t approved of by some anymore but this kind of thing sliding is why we’ve got such massive workplace absenteeism going on, or people choosing not to work at all. I know two days isn’t a big deal long term but these habits are formed in childhood/adolescence.

Sorry OP just saw that she went in. However, she won’t LET you have her phone?! I take it she pays the contact from a paper round or similar? Next couple of years are going to be difficult if she has this level of control at 15!