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Original poster

Should I tell the school DD doesn’t intend on showing up?

195 replies

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 19:58

DD(15) is in Year 12(not in England) and her last day of term is Tuesday which is a half day and non uniform day.

Anyway, she says they aren’t doing too much in class at the minute and that on Monday she is just going to stay at home and do her coursework and on Tuesday morning, she is going out with her friends who are also skipping school.

i have told her that she should at least go in on Monday as it is a full day, I have said I don’t want her taking Tuesday off either but If she is to take either off, I’d much rather she had Tuesday off over Monday as it is a shorter day and they probably won’t be doing anything apart from watching Christmas movies as she’ll only have 2-3 classes and it’ll be home time.

that aside, I can’t force her to go in. Should I ring the school first thing on Monday morning and tell them she has said she is not coming in on the last 2 days? Or I don’t know if I shohld just call her in sick to save any hassle but I really don’t want to lie to them!

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 17/12/2022 22:12

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 21:57

@Kanaloa surely you understand what people are saying when they say "you just can't just take days off of work?"

You are taking the comment so literally it has blown my mind!

Well I don’t really understand how it’s relevant to this. The girl has had no days off all term and plans to miss a day and a half where they will do no work whatsoever. She knows she has good attendance and has chosen to take a day, planning this for a time when very little to no work will be missed.

So no, I don’t see how it’s relevant to say ‘well you can’t miss work! She needs to learn that she can’t miss work’ because in this situation it would be entirely appropriate and normal to miss or take a day away from work. So no, I don’t understand what people are saying as it’s relevant to this situation.

SofiaSoFar · 17/12/2022 22:13

Gymrabbit · 17/12/2022 22:02

so what you are saying on this thread is you have no control whatsoever over your under age daughter.
you can’t make her go to school, you can’t take her phone off her….
basically you’re not a parent at all.

This is the long and short of it.

RampantIvy · 17/12/2022 22:17

There doesn't appear to be much parenting going on. If DD had said that to me I would have told that school wasn't optional, and the idea of not going in was non negotiable.

The only time I allowed her to stay at home to study was when she was doing her GCSEs and there was no study leave until the last week of exams. DD said she got more revision done at home, which was true, so she had unauthorised study leave.

OP I wouldn't be lying about your daughter's absence. If she really is going to do some coursework, then tell the school.

Interested in this thread?

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General education
Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 22:21

@kanaloa it's the MESSAGE it sends to her DD. It's a big problem for OP if her child knows her mum wants her to go into school on both days, but because she perceives OP as weak, she's taking the mick.

The child is trying to negotiate 1.5 days off. And her mum is now trying to rationalise it to herself and say "well, maybe, but please only take a half day" and yet the child is still pushing.

Permissive parenting is a problem in our society.

OP, you owe it to your child to show her you are in charge. If you want her in school, she does what you say. End of story.

Kanaloa · 17/12/2022 22:23

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 22:21

@kanaloa it's the MESSAGE it sends to her DD. It's a big problem for OP if her child knows her mum wants her to go into school on both days, but because she perceives OP as weak, she's taking the mick.

The child is trying to negotiate 1.5 days off. And her mum is now trying to rationalise it to herself and say "well, maybe, but please only take a half day" and yet the child is still pushing.

Permissive parenting is a problem in our society.

OP, you owe it to your child to show her you are in charge. If you want her in school, she does what you say. End of story.

I wasn’t arguing that. I totally see the problem with the obvious lack of parental authority here. My comment wasn’t about that - it was about people making comments that she shouldn’t miss the days as ‘you can’t do that at work.’ If her mum says she should go then she should go, but not because you can’t do it at work. That was the point that I was making. I never once said that she should be allowed to walk all over her mum, I said that there’s no point saying ‘you can’t do that at work’ because it’s both untrue and irrelevant.

DuplicateUserName · 17/12/2022 22:26

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 21:03

Well, sadly I don’t think she is going to change her mind. She has just told me again that she will be staying off on Monday and will be going out with her friends on Tuesday.

between now and Monday, i will have to discuss with DH whether we ring in and tell school she refused to go or make an exception since it’s end of term and she hasn’t had any days off this term and ring her in sick.

I can't believe what I'm reading here!

No wonder she's running rings around you both if you have to have a 'discussion' like that?!?!

How long before she picks and chooses which laws she wants to stick to, and you're 'discussing' whether to inform the police she's breaking them?

Madness.

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 22:26

@kanaloa I can't explain it any clearer. You can't take a day off work just cos you cant be arsed to go in on that day. That's a fact in any workplace.

Bellie710 · 17/12/2022 22:26

BanjoVio · 17/12/2022 21:42

I’m a teacher and had students working up until the end, as per the instructions of the Head. My last lesson of term was a Year 10 class doing a timed practice exam question on a set English Lit text. Going from class to class watching films in the last week is very old fashioned now.

Show quote history

Our kids were watching films this week and don't finish until the 23rd! I have so far had 7 years of senior school and the last week of term in every term is a total waste of time!

greenteafiend · 17/12/2022 22:26

If kids and parents are supposed to be legalistically sticking to the letter of the law on this, then the schools should do--they should be teaching up to the last day of term!

RampantIvy · 17/12/2022 22:28

And where are all these secondary schools where 15 year olds don't do much work the last week of term?
At DD's school they worked right up until the penultimate day. Only the last day was a fun day.

dolor · 17/12/2022 22:29

LOL

You're really bothered about this?

Kanaloa · 17/12/2022 22:29

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 22:26

@kanaloa I can't explain it any clearer. You can't take a day off work just cos you cant be arsed to go in on that day. That's a fact in any workplace.

You haven’t explained it at all. You can take a day off work just because you don’t want to go in. You can take leave, a sick day, some places offer duvet days. That’s a fact in any workplace. Of course if you take too many you might get fired, but op’s daughter has never missed a day before now. You haven’t explained anything clearly, you’re just making random statements, and your last post was totally unrelated to anything I’d said in the first place.

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 22:32

@kanaloa 😂there is no way of explaining it more clearly.

Have a great evening!

starfishmummy · 17/12/2022 22:35

She has just told me again that she will be staying off on Monday and will be going out with her friends on Tuesday.

She's a child. She doesn't get to decide that. You or dh should be taking her to school on those days. If she then skips out there should then be consequences.

raspberrytinsel · 17/12/2022 22:39

Just lie and say she is sick, much ado about nothing.

Kanaloa · 17/12/2022 22:39

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 22:32

@kanaloa 😂there is no way of explaining it more clearly.

Have a great evening!

Well no, because you’re not really explaining anything at all. You’ve picked up something I’ve said that is actually correct then attempted to make me look like I’m wrong without actually saying anything to the contrary except totally random statements like ‘you can’t take a day off because you can’t be arsed going in. That’s a fact in any workplace.’ Then when I’ve pointed out it’s obviously not a fact in any workplace, you don’t want to refute so just make out you’ve already explained it clearly (which you haven’t).

CrapBucket · 17/12/2022 22:42

It seems like we have all forgotten that over the past 2 years, teenagers have been asked to do their learning at home on and off because of covid, we all say how mental health and well being matter, the planet is on fire and full of war/danger/poverty. This is the backdrop to their daily lives. For an otherwise perfectly obedient 15 year old to want to spend 1.5 days enjoying themselves rather than killing time watching part of Nativity for the umpteenth time seems entirely reasonable to me.

PeachCottonTree · 17/12/2022 22:42

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 21:10

i can’t really do anything except encourage her to go in which is what I have been doing. I can’t physically drag her to school, not unless her teachers want to come round and drag her in.

She doesn’t normally skip school so whilst I don’t like the idea of it, I don’t feel as strict about it as I would if it was at any other point in the term given it is the very end of term but that doesn’t mean I condone what she plans on doing. It doesn’t change my view that she should be in school every single day unless there is an actual reason she can’t be .

Show quote history

You are condoning it if you’re contemplating phoning the school to lie that she’s sick.

Brandybucks · 17/12/2022 22:49

If my parents taught me not to lie as a child (which most parents do), but then lied on my behalf about something I would be really confused and I’m pretty sure I’d start lying about lots of things.

We learn our morality mostly from our parents so I think that having integrity, even in the seemingly small things, really matters.

squidgybits · 17/12/2022 22:51

It is the last two days fgs, literally nothing happens and many do not turn up in my experience
If she was doing it every other week, that is different
Can't believe the grinches on here making out her future career is practically ruined, get a grip

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/12/2022 22:54

@Bellie710 helluva attitude, no?
I'd like to hear from some teachers on your assertion that the entire last week is a waste of time. 🤔

notaladyinred · 17/12/2022 22:59

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 21:03

Well, sadly I don’t think she is going to change her mind. She has just told me again that she will be staying off on Monday and will be going out with her friends on Tuesday.

between now and Monday, i will have to discuss with DH whether we ring in and tell school she refused to go or make an exception since it’s end of term and she hasn’t had any days off this term and ring her in sick.

So you're going to cancel at least some of her Christmas presents/events, right? And ground her over the festive period?

OldFan · 17/12/2022 23:01

that aside, I can’t force her to go in.

You can try- you're her mum and it's your responsibility as she's still a child.

Bellie710 · 17/12/2022 23:03

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/12/2022 22:54

@Bellie710 helluva attitude, no?
I'd like to hear from some teachers on your assertion that the entire last week is a waste of time. 🤔

It is not my attitude, with our school it is a fact! They have 5 days left and were watching films this week, that is the norm in our school.

My kids still go in but all I'm saying is that in our school you would miss absoutely nothing taking the last week off!

RampantIvy · 17/12/2022 23:06

What age group @Bellie710? GCSE years?

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