Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Should I tell the school DD doesn’t intend on showing up?

195 replies

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 19:58

DD(15) is in Year 12(not in England) and her last day of term is Tuesday which is a half day and non uniform day.

Anyway, she says they aren’t doing too much in class at the minute and that on Monday she is just going to stay at home and do her coursework and on Tuesday morning, she is going out with her friends who are also skipping school.

i have told her that she should at least go in on Monday as it is a full day, I have said I don’t want her taking Tuesday off either but If she is to take either off, I’d much rather she had Tuesday off over Monday as it is a shorter day and they probably won’t be doing anything apart from watching Christmas movies as she’ll only have 2-3 classes and it’ll be home time.

that aside, I can’t force her to go in. Should I ring the school first thing on Monday morning and tell them she has said she is not coming in on the last 2 days? Or I don’t know if I shohld just call her in sick to save any hassle but I really don’t want to lie to them!

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 18/12/2022 00:25

XelaM · 18/12/2022 00:19

This.

People on this thread are nuts. It's 1.5 days at the very end of term. What's the huge deal? 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

The 'huge' deal is the child basically sticking two fingers up to her parents.

She's 15, she doesn't get to tell them what she will and will not be doing when it comes to attending school 🙄

LolaSmiles · 18/12/2022 00:38

People on this thread are nuts. It's 1.5 days at the very end of term. What's the huge deal? 🤷‍♀️
The big deal to me isn't the fact that a child might want to miss the last day or so of term.
The big deal is that a child has clearly got to a position where they call the shots, they decide if they feel like going to school, they inform their parent what their social plans are instead of school and a parent is on Mumsnet asking people whether they should cover for their child because the child has spoken.

BanjoVio · 18/12/2022 06:16

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 23:38

If she goes in on Monday I will try and speak to her form teacher and see if she’d be happy enough for Dd To stay off on Tuesday.

If a parent of someone in my tutor group did this I’d find it laughable. Obviously she isn’t going to be ‘happy’ for your child to stay off while she’s dragging herself in, most likely on her knees with exhaustion, for the benefit of all the other kids who can be arsed to be there. How insulting. Form tutors also don’t authorise absences full stop, never mind because your DD wants to bunk off school when she feels like it. Ridiculous.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
Kanaloa · 18/12/2022 06:20

magicthree · 18/12/2022 00:00

@Kanaloa - well, you sound like an employer's dream! In any place where I have worked no-one just decides they won't go in because they don't feel like it. They either apply for leave in advance or they are genuinely sick. When I left my last job I had weeks of sick leave owing, no way would I have taken it just because I was "entitled" to it. And yes, it does have something to do with a work ethic, as a 15 year old will be working in a few years' time - and it's rather interesting that many posters on this thread have pointed out that you are talking nonsense.

But I’m simply not talking nonsense. I’m saying that in the workplace you are entitled to time off. Which you are. Having a day and a half off when work is low does not indicate a poor work ethic. It just doesn’t.

Kanaloa · 18/12/2022 06:22

Obviously it’s a problem that op doesn’t feel able to tell her daughter no but it isn’t relevant to or reflective of the workplace in the slightest, because taking a day and a half off when work is low is very much something that can happen in the workplace, and saying it can’t just makes you look stupid.

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 06:29

Compromise and tell her to go in on Monday but if they're not having proper lessons you'll go and pick her up?

ClydeFrog · 18/12/2022 06:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

KatherineJaneway · 18/12/2022 06:30

Oblomov22 · 17/12/2022 21:09

I've never heard such a load of nonsense. If a 15-year-old starts saying these things, I'll be telling them quick smart that they will be going to school and that's the end of it.

Totally

RampantIvy · 18/12/2022 06:36

People on this thread are nuts. It's 1.5 days at the very end of term. What's the huge deal? 🤷‍♀️

The girl is 15. It is the principle of not letting a 15 year call the shots🤷‍♀️

BananaSpanner · 18/12/2022 06:40

Ok, you think people aren’t explaining why you are wrong so I will.

I work in the public sector, we don’t get ‘duvet days’. You are only permitted sick days if you are sick. Getting away with pulling a sickie because nobody can prove otherwise and being permitted a sick day are different things.

Also annual leave is subject to minimum staffing levels. If you wish to have a day off at either short or advanced notice and there are already the maximum amount of staff members off, you will not be granted leave and will be expected to be in work.

There are exceptions for genuine emergencies eg dependents leave but you can’t just take a day off if you fancy it unless permitted by your employer.

BananaSpanner · 18/12/2022 06:41

BananaSpanner · 18/12/2022 06:40

Ok, you think people aren’t explaining why you are wrong so I will.

I work in the public sector, we don’t get ‘duvet days’. You are only permitted sick days if you are sick. Getting away with pulling a sickie because nobody can prove otherwise and being permitted a sick day are different things.

Also annual leave is subject to minimum staffing levels. If you wish to have a day off at either short or advanced notice and there are already the maximum amount of staff members off, you will not be granted leave and will be expected to be in work.

There are exceptions for genuine emergencies eg dependents leave but you can’t just take a day off if you fancy it unless permitted by your employer.

This was to @Kanaloa

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2022 07:04

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/12/2022 00:05

I think that is valuable interaction.

Show quote history

I agree it is. My dd is year 10 and she loved Friday, the last day of term, where they did a mixture of work and quizzes etc and had the choice between PE or a movie. Dd and a few chose PE lol.

You can’t physically force your dd to go to school. However, I wouldn’t be lying either. If the school genuinely aren’t doing any work, I’d be fine for my dd to be studying tbh as I know she would be putting in the work. Issue is you can’t find out until Monday, which is too late.

saraclara · 18/12/2022 07:23

Kanaloa · 18/12/2022 06:22

Obviously it’s a problem that op doesn’t feel able to tell her daughter no but it isn’t relevant to or reflective of the workplace in the slightest, because taking a day and a half off when work is low is very much something that can happen in the workplace, and saying it can’t just makes you look stupid.

So if a teacher took a day and a half off 'just because', you and others here would be fine with that?

LlynTegid · 18/12/2022 07:39

Please don't lie, please don't support your DD missing school, however limited the educational value of these two days.

Sushi7 · 18/12/2022 08:46

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 23:39

And that’s what I would do, except I’d physically have to lift her into the car and out of it at school, both of which are not possible.

Show quote history

OP, you are her mother so you can take her phone off her all day Monday. Take it on Sunday night. I think it’s hilarious that you think she’s going to do coursework all day. She’ll have a few books and her laptop open, but when you’ve left her she’ll be on her phone on social media. If she puts up a fight about you confiscating her phone for a day then you know she’ll be on it.

FatGirlSwim · 18/12/2022 08:49

It’s completely different from being an employee though. School is for her benefit, nobody else’s, she’s not letting anyone down by not being there.

One year I let one of my dc take the last few days of term off. It was my idea. They were doing nothing in school and they were exhausted, peopled out, and there was no benefit to them being there. Op’s dd wants to do her coursework and interact with friends. Probably more beneficial to her.

The dc of mine who stayed home last week of term gets good grades and also has a job, a good work ethic and would never throw a sickie from work. They can see why it’s different from being forced to sit through quizzes and Christmas films.

Some dc may get a lot out of the last few days of term, others won’t.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting a 15 year old manage their own coursework vs attendance and make this decision. Nobody’s getting hurt and there are no long term consequences. She’s missing a few films and a quiz?

FatGirlSwim · 18/12/2022 08:52

Sushi7 you know nothing about the OP’s dd. She might well want to catch up on her coursework. I would have as a teen.
If she doesn’t, the consequences are hers and nobody else’s. Far more effective than some weird battle over her phone that only destroys your relationship and has no real impact.

I’d listen to her, be an ally and trust her until there’s reason not to.

Kanaloa · 18/12/2022 08:52

saraclara · 18/12/2022 07:23

So if a teacher took a day and a half off 'just because', you and others here would be fine with that?

Show quote history

If my child’s teacher (who had never missed a day before) was absent for a day and a half? Of course I’d be fine with that. It would be absolutely bonkers for me to be upset or worked up over a teacher who had never missed a day missing a short time from school. It has actually happened before believe it or not… part of my job is providing cover for when teachers are, you know, off from school for whatever reason.

Kanaloa · 18/12/2022 08:56

BananaSpanner · 18/12/2022 06:40

Ok, you think people aren’t explaining why you are wrong so I will.

I work in the public sector, we don’t get ‘duvet days’. You are only permitted sick days if you are sick. Getting away with pulling a sickie because nobody can prove otherwise and being permitted a sick day are different things.

Also annual leave is subject to minimum staffing levels. If you wish to have a day off at either short or advanced notice and there are already the maximum amount of staff members off, you will not be granted leave and will be expected to be in work.

There are exceptions for genuine emergencies eg dependents leave but you can’t just take a day off if you fancy it unless permitted by your employer.

Right, you get annual leave, which you arrange in advance for a convenient time. Such as a time when it is extremely quiet and no work is being done…

And I’m not sure what you mean by being ‘permitted’ a sick day. If you say you are sick nobody can force you to be in work. Nobody who has taken only 1.5 days of sick leave over a year is exactly taking the piss.

saraclara · 18/12/2022 09:04

Nobody who has taken only 1.5 days of sick leave over a year is exactly taking the piss.

But OP's daughter isn't sick. And a teacher taking a day and a half off for no reason and/or lying about it, would face a lot of condemnation, both at their workplace and on this forum.

FatGirlSwim · 18/12/2022 09:05

It’s nothing like being an employee though.

Kanaloa · 18/12/2022 09:08

saraclara · 18/12/2022 09:04

Nobody who has taken only 1.5 days of sick leave over a year is exactly taking the piss.

But OP's daughter isn't sick. And a teacher taking a day and a half off for no reason and/or lying about it, would face a lot of condemnation, both at their workplace and on this forum.

You asked if I would be fine with it. Would I be fine with a teacher who had never missed a day missing 1.5 days? Yes, of course. Teachers also miss days all the time. Because they’re sick, yes, but sometimes because they’re tired, stressed, burned out etc. Everyone does. I just think the point is being missed - the child shouldn’t be in school because people are insisting it’s impossible to miss any time from work because that’s simply untrue. The op’s inability to control her child is an issue, but not because it’s reflective of the workplace in the slightest. Because it isn’t.

Kanaloa · 18/12/2022 09:09

But yeah, I was answering the question you actually asked, which was would I be fine with it. Of course I would! I think anyone who wouldn’t be fine with a teacher who had never missed a day missing a day and a half of school for whatever reason is a bit odd really.

comical2023 · 18/12/2022 09:12

She’s 15 of course you can make her. It’s irrelevant if it’s pointless, school is open. She goes ajd if she doesn’t there are consequences. However stupid it might be it’s non negotiable. My 17 year old told me the same last week. I shrugged my shoulders and said “never mind you’ll deal with it” and off she went

Quitelikeacatslife · 18/12/2022 09:12

You really need to not condone this, say, no you are going in. She may find her mates parents are saying the same .
If teachers do arrange more fun things for last day they put effort into that and these things are bonding
Ultimately shows respect for the school and the rules
If you are letting her stay off then please as a school administrator, let them know in advance to stop anyone having to chase down where they are and if will be unauthorised absence (as it should be)

Swipe left for the next trending thread