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Original poster

Should I tell the school DD doesn’t intend on showing up?

195 replies

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 19:58

DD(15) is in Year 12(not in England) and her last day of term is Tuesday which is a half day and non uniform day.

Anyway, she says they aren’t doing too much in class at the minute and that on Monday she is just going to stay at home and do her coursework and on Tuesday morning, she is going out with her friends who are also skipping school.

i have told her that she should at least go in on Monday as it is a full day, I have said I don’t want her taking Tuesday off either but If she is to take either off, I’d much rather she had Tuesday off over Monday as it is a shorter day and they probably won’t be doing anything apart from watching Christmas movies as she’ll only have 2-3 classes and it’ll be home time.

that aside, I can’t force her to go in. Should I ring the school first thing on Monday morning and tell them she has said she is not coming in on the last 2 days? Or I don’t know if I shohld just call her in sick to save any hassle but I really don’t want to lie to them!

OP posts:
Original poster
asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 21:31

Well it’s true, I can’t physically drag her in.

All I can do is try to take her phone off her and maybe cancel our trip to the Christmas markets on Wednesday, but I highly doubt she will let me have her phone nor she will care about the Christmas market. I really don’t know how else I can sanction her at home if she does follow through with the plan not to go to school.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 17/12/2022 21:33

Zosime · 17/12/2022 21:23

People love to say ‘oh you can’t just take time off uni/work whenever you like’ but like… yes you can. You manage your own time at work - if you want a day off you take a sick day.

You take a sick day when you're sick. If you want a day off, you take a day's annual leave.

You can take a sick day whenever you like if you’ve never had one before/are generally a good attender. And yeah, you can take annual leave too. My point is, the idea that ‘oh you can’t just take days off WORK’ is an utter falsehood. You very much can take days off work.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 21:33

surreygirl1987 · 17/12/2022 21:24

I can’t physically drag her to school, not unless her teachers want to come round and drag her in.

Expecting the teachers to do your parenting 🙄

Also why do you say you don't want her to get into trouble? She should!

No, not at all. Obviously the teachers arent going to come round and do that. I’m just trying to emphasise the point that there is nothing I can do physically

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gliiterryballs · 17/12/2022 21:33

i can’t really do anything except encourage her to go in which is what I have been doing. I can’t physically drag her to school, not unless her teachers want to come round and drag her in.

I know this, I was saying you should not be making any exceptions for her

Bellie710 · 17/12/2022 21:38

Everyone knows on the last week of term they do nothing but play games and watch xmas films, unless she has had loads of days off I wouldn't bother.

Not sure what you have to tell the school but I am in Scotland and if my kids are not going in I just email the school and say they wont be in we don't need to give a reason might not be the same for all schools.

BanjoVio · 17/12/2022 21:42

Bellie710 · 17/12/2022 21:38

Everyone knows on the last week of term they do nothing but play games and watch xmas films, unless she has had loads of days off I wouldn't bother.

Not sure what you have to tell the school but I am in Scotland and if my kids are not going in I just email the school and say they wont be in we don't need to give a reason might not be the same for all schools.

I’m a teacher and had students working up until the end, as per the instructions of the Head. My last lesson of term was a Year 10 class doing a timed practice exam question on a set English Lit text. Going from class to class watching films in the last week is very old fashioned now.

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 21:42

Kanaloa · 17/12/2022 21:33

You can take a sick day whenever you like if you’ve never had one before/are generally a good attender. And yeah, you can take annual leave too. My point is, the idea that ‘oh you can’t just take days off WORK’ is an utter falsehood. You very much can take days off work.

Show quote history

That goes without saying. Talk about pedantic.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 21:47

Well, of course I don’t actually know for certain that all DD will be doing in school is watching movies on the last day.

I do know they have an annual carol service assembly on the last day at Christmas, but they could very well be doing normal work in the very few classes she will need to attend on Tuesday - I’m just going with what she has said that there will only be movies

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 21:47

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 21:31

Well it’s true, I can’t physically drag her in.

All I can do is try to take her phone off her and maybe cancel our trip to the Christmas markets on Wednesday, but I highly doubt she will let me have her phone nor she will care about the Christmas market. I really don’t know how else I can sanction her at home if she does follow through with the plan not to go to school.

With respect, you are going about this the wrong way.

You can make her do what you want. You just have to make the consequences uncomfortable.

If I honestly thought my DD should be doing something and she didn't do it, she would have to give me her phone. If she then refused to give it to me, I would tell her I would cancel the contract. She knows I would do it too, so she would give me the phone in the first instance.

Kanaloa · 17/12/2022 21:50

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 21:42

That goes without saying. Talk about pedantic.

Show quote history

It obviously doesn’t go without saying because people are saying it. I was pointing out that it’s just not true, and telling a teen ‘you can’t ever just take days off from work’ is daft because it’s not true.

BanjoVio · 17/12/2022 21:52

asblindasabat · 17/12/2022 21:47

Well, of course I don’t actually know for certain that all DD will be doing in school is watching movies on the last day.

I do know they have an annual carol service assembly on the last day at Christmas, but they could very well be doing normal work in the very few classes she will need to attend on Tuesday - I’m just going with what she has said that there will only be movies

Sounds like exactly what I’d say if I was a teenage girl who wanted to go shopping with my little mates instead of going to school.

GelPens1 · 17/12/2022 21:55

@asblindasabat if she wants to stay off school on Monday to do her coursework, then she won’t be needing her phone. She’ll just be on social media and TikTok all day with her laptop open in front of her. She can have her phone back on Tuesday because that’s when school ends.

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 17/12/2022 21:57

You seriously need to think about some real consequences to her actions, simply saying “I won’t get her phone off her” is the limit of your ideas?!

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 21:57

@Kanaloa surely you understand what people are saying when they say "you just can't just take days off of work?"

You are taking the comment so literally it has blown my mind!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/12/2022 21:58

IMHO I think it's a bit disrespectful (and anti-social, actually) to those that do show up.

If the last days are unimportant why bother operating anything? I don't think this is a decision a 15 year-old should be informing you of. I may be an outlier here. 🤷‍♀️

RobinRobinMouse · 17/12/2022 21:58

Utter nonsense. Stop trying to be her friend, it is more important that you parent. If she doesn't go she loses her phone access and WiFi is off. No pocket money for shopping, no trips etc.

Zanatdy · 17/12/2022 21:58

I might allow a half day or something but not both. You say you can’t force her, well not physically but just say it’s not up for debate. School isn’t optional

HelsyQ · 17/12/2022 22:00

What do you mean you can’t force her to go in? Of course you can, it’s called parenting.

absolutely bizarre

fUNNYfACE36 · 17/12/2022 22:01

Forgetaboutme · 17/12/2022 20:58

I am a little surprised at the responses here. My 16 year old has missed the last few days before Christmas every year of high school. I did the same thing at his age. It was just going from class to class watching movies. Not sure where you all are but where I live more kids than not miss the last week. I've never called the school about it.

I think you should take what your dc says with a punch of salt.At my dcs' school they do normal work ti the last day.DD had 2 tests n the last day

Gymrabbit · 17/12/2022 22:02

so what you are saying on this thread is you have no control whatsoever over your under age daughter.
you can’t make her go to school, you can’t take her phone off her….
basically you’re not a parent at all.

Wolfiefan · 17/12/2022 22:04

Try and take her phone?
Decide whether to lie for her?
Erm you can take the phone. Presumably you pay for it. And WTF would you lie??

Hbh17 · 17/12/2022 22:09

School is compulsory, so you insist that she goes on both days. If she doesn't attend, then you punish her- removal of her phone would be a good start.
I can't believe that any parent would think it's OK to undermine the school in this way.

surreygirl1987 · 17/12/2022 22:10

My last lessons of the term were 'proper' lessons. We did poetry analysis and comparisons in one lesson, and presentations and reading in another.

KettrickenSmiled · 17/12/2022 22:11

that aside, I can’t force her to go in. Should I ring the school first thing on Monday morning and tell them she has said she is not coming in on the last 2 days? Or I don’t know if I shohld just call her in sick to save any hassle but I really don’t want to lie to them!

Why would you go behind her back?
By all means tell the school if you feel that's productive - but be upfront with DD about it. Or how can you expect her to trust you?

Tell her ok - you're not happy about the bunking off, make the workplace comparison, & explain that if she doesn't go in, you will inform the school.

She won't like you for it, but she'd dislike you more for being underhand about it. She'd feel like you conspired against her with the school, & if they issue a punishment, she'll likely blame you, rather than herself, for it. Not the best way to make her perceive & accept consequences.

Soakitup37 · 17/12/2022 22:12

There’s nothing physically a boss can do to get an employee to come to work with a similar attitude but there’s a lot you can do to make the prospect of not turning up something you’ll regret.

this is a lesson to learn. Let her learn it, the hard way anything else is enabling. Do not lie for her.