Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is anyone awake? I’m expecting bad news and I can’t sleep

1000 replies

MyCake · 13/12/2022 04:32

My dh is unwell and we have no idea what is wrong. We are getting scan results this morning but they were only to rule things out so probably not conclusive. However, I can’t see how this isn’t going to be something serious as he has declined so rapidly.

I feel sick. We’ve already lost most of his income through him being off work so I’m also worried sick about money. We have enough savings to manage another 2 months at the most.

My dc are already suffering, despite them
mot fully understanding how serious the symptoms are, as dh is pretty much housebound and I can’t physically drive them to all the clubs and places they need to go by myself.
I also work full time although thankfully I’m a teacher and break up this week.

My heart is broken just looking at him disappearing in front of me. The doctors are slow to take his symptoms seriously so sadly by the time he was sent to hospital he was already unable to work and very ill. It could of course be something very treatable but at the moment I feel suffocated with the fear of the worst case scenarios.
I am writing this as I’m lonely and scared and wondered if anyone is awake to say hello.

I have name changed in case anyone recognises me from this post. If you do, please don’t mention this as I am doing a great job of appearing strong on the outside.

OP posts:
FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 13/12/2022 04:39

Hi,

You sound exhausted… I'm sorry you're going through this, the pressure on you of all different kinds must be immense, at a time when you have least resources available.

How old are the DC?

stayathomegardener · 13/12/2022 04:39

That's an awful lot to shoulder alone, do you have wider support?

OhGingleBells · 13/12/2022 04:39

Hello @MyCake , I’m awake too. Also worrying about something but much less distressing than your situation so that’s put my problems in perspective.

Sending you and your DH all the best and wishing for a happy outcome.

A few years ago my mum had some really scary symptoms but it did turn out to be something very minor and treatable, not at all what I thought it was and she’s absolutely 100% fine! I know the suffocating night time fear well.

Maybe go and get yourself a drink and possibly even a snack. No point lying in bed feeling dreadful.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/12/2022 04:40

I'm so sorry. I wish I could help or give you some answers. All you can do is be there for your husband and children. One step at a time.

BouleBaker · 13/12/2022 04:43

Can you get up and do something? I couldn't sleep in those circumstances either. The only way I can get through stuff like that is focus on the fact that in 24 hours I will know what we are dealing with and I just need to fill that time up.

wishing all the good news in the world for you.

Original poster
MyCake · 13/12/2022 04:43

@FurryDandelionSeekingMissile they are 10, 15 and 16. We’ve given a couple of reasonable explanations for his symptoms without actually lying to them. They are obviously worried about him and know he’s having tests but I don’t think they are aware of the possible worst case scenarios.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCake · 13/12/2022 04:44

@stayathomegardener I have some local
support but more widely we have lots of family who would help. We haven’t told many people that live far away though as we decided not to worry them prematurely.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyCake · 13/12/2022 04:45

Thank you all for your comments. I’m having a good cry which I think I needed.

OP posts:
FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 13/12/2022 04:48

It must be really difficult having to think about how to help three young people through this as well as thinking about your partner and (hopefully) yourself — I second others' suggestions of finding something to busy yourself with a bit.

MamaFirst · 13/12/2022 04:48

I'm so sorry you're all going through this. Keeping everything crossed for you that you have some answers soon.

Cuppasoupmonster · 13/12/2022 04:49

Hi OP, just read your post. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a worrying time. Ive got my fingers tightly crossed that’s it’s something very treatable. What time are you expecting the results? I won’t say try to sleep as I know it’s impossible at times like this, but I find deep breathing and sugary tea good for steadying my nerves. Keep posting xx

Sunnysidegold · 13/12/2022 04:51

Hi @MyCake I've been where you are and it can be so terrifying, especially in the small hours where everything seems that little bit darker.

In my case I had to really blinker myself and think only about the next step - a bit like what someone said above about getting through the next 24 hrs. I just thought about the next thing I had to do and it helped me not to dwell on the what ifs of it all.

I hope today brings some comfort and some things get ruled out

SomeBeings · 13/12/2022 04:54

I'm not surprised that you can't sleep. I really hope that things turn out ok.

Isthisexpected · 13/12/2022 04:54

I really hope you get some positive news today but what you've been through just to get here sounds so tough. Look after yourself.

Diplidocus4 · 13/12/2022 04:56

Also awake , so sorry about the situation and hope the news may be better than you think . Maybe get up for a short time and then try getting back into bed .
In very stressful times I try to work on my breathing , and count breathe a little like Breathwork . As you breath in count to 3 or 4 , hold your breath and count to 3 or 4 , breath out counting to 3 or 4 and then hold again for 3 or 4 .
I find long deep breathes help my brain or thoughts racing in circles ?

Jaybird43 · 13/12/2022 04:58

Thinking of you, OP. Sending lots of positivity your way and that the tests come back with something treatable. Lots of love x

InFiveMins · 13/12/2022 05:00

Such a stressful time for you OP Flowers really hope everything turns out to be OK with your DH.

Whenever I can't sleep (like this morning!) I get out of bed and make a hot drink and watch something calm on the TV. Could you do something like that just to try and focus your mind on something else temporarily? x

Redebs · 13/12/2022 05:01

I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing to be going through. I bet you've been holding everything together and must be feeling a bit overwhelmed. Sending a big virtual hug😘

bloodywhitecat · 13/12/2022 05:02

I have been in your shoes too. Night times are so hard and trying to hold it all together for everyone feels almost impossible. I hope you get some answers today, the what ifs are harder than the knowing.

magicthree · 13/12/2022 05:07

Thinking of you and wishing you and your DH good news. Sending you hugs. Flowers

Original poster
MyCake · 13/12/2022 05:08

One of my dc is in a big concert tonight and I am worry about not getting enough sleep to enjoy it properly. Also, my car needs fixing but I’m worried about spending any extra money when our income is so reduced. I feel crushed with worry.

OP posts:
Netaporter · 13/12/2022 05:08

Also awake. Have a good cathartic cry and know we’re all rooting for better news for you than you are expecting. Big hugs.

Original poster
MyCake · 13/12/2022 05:09

I’ve followed your advice and I’ve got up and had a glass of water. I don’t want to make a hot drink in case I wake the dog and then the dog will wake everyone!

OP posts:
Netaporter · 13/12/2022 05:10

@MyCake and I really hope the concert goes well.

Netaporter · 13/12/2022 05:11

Have you had more than one quote for the car? Could you take it to a less expensive garage?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.