Is anyone awake? I’m expecting bad news and I can’t sleep

[MyCake]

My dh is unwell and we have no idea what is wrong. We are getting scan results this morning but they were only to rule things out so probably not conclusive. However, I can’t see how this isn’t going to be something serious as he has declined so rapidly.

I feel sick. We’ve already lost most of his income through him being off work so I’m also worried sick about money. We have enough savings to manage another 2 months at the most.

My dc are already suffering, despite them
mot fully understanding how serious the symptoms are, as dh is pretty much housebound and I can’t physically drive them to all the clubs and places they need to go by myself.
I also work full time although thankfully I’m a teacher and break up this week.

My heart is broken just looking at him disappearing in front of me. The doctors are slow to take his symptoms seriously so sadly by the time he was sent to hospital he was already unable to work and very ill. It could of course be something very treatable but at the moment I feel suffocated with the fear of the worst case scenarios.
I am writing this as I’m lonely and scared and wondered if anyone is awake to say hello.

I have name changed in case anyone recognises me from this post. If you do, please don’t mention this as I am doing a great job of appearing strong on the outside.

I’m now worrying about having to rehome my beloved pets if something happens to dh as I won’t have the money or time to keep them. Seriously I’m worrying about everything tonight. I am exhausted.

Could you go and get a hot drink and sit with the dog quietly? Stroking the dog is calming for both of you.

I’m currently using dh’s car (which I hate driving as it’s big!) and I think in a worst case scenario my parents would help me pay for my car. I haven’t had the energy to shop around and my garage have said they’ll look at it in the new year. I cried on the phone to them and they were lovely….. so I cried some more!

Can you write a list of your worries down? If the news is not good and friends/family want to help you through potentially difficult times it might help if you can share what’s burdening you.

@Netaporter writing a list of worries is a good idea. I remember I used to do that when I was younger and it helped a lot. Thank you.

All sorts of worries are piling themselves up because the reality of the situation is potentially very sad. Cars and pets are trivial things that your mind is focusing on to distract you from the pain. Try not to let those exhaust you. Focus on the important things like your husband and your children. And remember to look after yourself.

Here's hoping for better news this morning; for something treatable or manageable.

No advice, but really hope your DH is ok 💐 and you too.

Such a lot on your plate. Hope you find some strength as you go through the day. It is normal to feel overwhelmed.

Really hope today brings some positive news. Please don't shy away from asking friends and family to help with some things as people would want to help you I'm sure.
Agree with the above advice and focusing on you, your children and your husband. Also focus on the things you can control and try not to focus on what you can't control.
And please be kind to yourself. You're obviously and understandably exhausted. You can't pour from an empty cup so try and take some time to recharge (even just 15 mins in a hot bath).
Take some time off work too if you need to. I'm a teacher and these last few days of Xmas are manic. Get some rest.
Xx

I went back to sleep for a couple of hours!
Thank you so much everyone xx

Sending lots of love OP, hope today brings you positive news x

We also have a terminally ill close family member so we’ve not wanted to worry too many people in the family until we actually know what is wrong. Life feels very sad and uncertain.

Rooting for you today, sending you love and energy to just focus on these 24 hours, that the results can lead to treatment with an improvement in DH health and you can clear some head space

Thinking of you, big hugs. Hope you get good news today. Xx

Thinking about you all. We are almost sekf programmed to put on our coping face I know-especially teaching,we are like actors. Will being off work help,or will it mean more time to think ? Sometimes that is not always what we want. Hopefully your husband will get the help he needs, but please reach out for help for you too. Big virtual hug for you all.

Good god, you've got a lot on your plate, and you have been keeping it all in so as not to worry others. No wonder you've had a broken night. I will keep my fingers crossed for treatable test results. I also hope you manage to have a good time at the concert tonight - having a different family event to focus your mind on can sometimes help, so I hope that's the case for you here. Good luck, OP, and do come back to us if it helps.

I’ve just fed and cuddled the animals which has made me feel a bit better.

Dh looks so awful now I just want to know what’s wrong. I suspect that this morning will either be a clear scan, meaning they will have to then look for a problem in other places, or something inconclusive that needs further tests.

I can’t believe how long it took for them to actually scan him and do tests. I ended up taking him to a and e twice, and it was the second visit that triggered an urgent referral. I feel sick at all the wasted weeks when we were trying to tell doctors how much he was deteriorating and the last few weeks it’s been rapid.

I know what I think is wrong and I’ve thought it for months, and to be honest it’s not great but it’s a hell of a lot better than other scenarios. I know guessing and predicting isn’t helpful but he’s been going to the doctor for months and it’s given us time to worry (and Google).

You are all so lovely. I genuinely feel less alone!

Hi. I am not praying but a friend of mine has bern unwellfor ages.she 72,feels invisible and not taken seriously. She is on the toilet permanently and in agony after food. Well recently she decided to eliminate gluten from her diet and she has started to see sime improvement. Coukd this be something yiur husband might identify with? She has lost loads of weight and feels so unwell. Anyway second hug to you all.

So sorry what you're going through, you're all in my thoughts ❤️

All the best for later. Thinking of you op.

Late to the thread, just wishing you both well.

Sending a handhold

I hope you get answers today x

Hope the news is positive today. Best wishes to you all

I think we all tend to think the worst. Whatever is wrong with your DH could be completely reversible with treatment. His decline could literally be that he isn't receiving meds he needs to manage a condition. Try not to think negative. Hugs and prayers. Keep us posted.