Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Half siblings with the same name

341 replies

Jasparconcorde · 22/11/2022 23:55

Ex husband and I are both expecting new babies due within weeks of each other.
We have ds10 and ds6 together.
We are both having girls and he ‘informed’ me he will be using a name that he knows holds great sentimental meaning to me. It was our number 1 girl name if our sons had been girls, and has been very personal to me throughout my life. It took me aback and hurt me a lot he would use a name he knew full well I would be using for my daughter. When we found out we were expecting a girl, several weeks before he found out his babies gender, he said ‘I presume you’ll use the name X’? I said yes. His reason for wanting to use it is because his wife likes it and has no knowledge of it’s value to me, supposedly.
Now I know nobody owns a name and he’s entitled to name his child whatever he choses, but out of all the names he couldn’t just pick a similar/variant of the name? Use it as a middle name!?
Despite the upset, I’ve come here to ask how difficult this will be for my sons if they have siblings on both sides with the same names.
Im expecting it to be confusing with a lot of X at dads, X at home etc. Has this happened to anyone here who could advise further please? I won’t be budging on the name regardless. Their baby is likely to be born first therefore putting me in a position of seeming to ‘copy’ out of spite.
my husband has reassured me it’s fine and isn’t my problem, but I worry over my sons views on it and if I should speak to them before the babies are born.

OP posts:
SeenAndNot · 23/11/2022 00:02

Your sons will cope. Most names get shortened in a way you as a parent don’t expect anyway. So if the name is Annabel on might end up being An a the other Bella.

Dont give your ex so much headspace. He is deliberately trying to get to you.

RebeccaCloud9 · 23/11/2022 00:02

Oh what a vile thing for him to do! This is making me actually feel angry on your behalf. How shit. Yes, it will be annoying, and will look weird to those who don't know the story. Is there no way he will change his mind?

But you will get used to it and it will become normal. Your sons will be fine and will love their siblings regardless of the names. Discussing it with them first/now will make sure they 100% know you aren't copying the name (they might even be able to change their dad's mind!).

Original poster
Jasparconcorde · 23/11/2022 00:09

Thank you. Yes you’re right, he’s still trying to control me all these years later and ruin a special moment. I shouldn’t let it bother me but it does. My sons know the story behind the name and how neither I nor them would exist without the lady who I am naming her after. Unfortunately the name can’t be shortened or nicknamed in the way Elizabeth and Catherine can, (as examples) it isn’t even in the top 100.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Autumnmoonshines · 23/11/2022 00:12

How sure are you that he will use it and isn’t just saying it?

rickandmorts · 23/11/2022 00:13

Can you try reverse psychology and say you've changed your mind and are using a different name? And then he might change his mind? Or can you approach his partner and say how sentimental the name is and how much it means to you and she may change her mind? Or failing that can you announce the name on social media (which is cringe I know) but at least then it looks like he is copying you if his is born first?

Byelaws · 23/11/2022 00:13

Call your baby your name. Ignore him. I bet his wife says no.

rickandmorts · 23/11/2022 00:15

Sorry meant to add I do think it would be a bit strange and potentially unsettling for your boys if both their new sisters had the same name 😞

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/11/2022 00:16

Autumnmoonshines · 23/11/2022 00:12

How sure are you that he will use it and isn’t just saying it?

I wondered this too.

It’s a ridiculous position to put your sons in, but they will cope w it via a nn as PP says

Does his partner know? If she doesn’t I would make sure she does so she has the option to switch names

Firen · 23/11/2022 00:18

Don’t give him headspace just ignore it. It’s just a way of him trying to control you. This is your baby, stop talking to him about it. Use the name, if he asks, and you can’t avoid it, just say how lovely it is that they will have the same name, and that you’re pleased he likes the name too. Don’t ever let him know he’s got to you.

Lurkerlot · 23/11/2022 00:23

Jasparconcorde · 23/11/2022 00:09

Thank you. Yes you’re right, he’s still trying to control me all these years later and ruin a special moment. I shouldn’t let it bother me but it does. My sons know the story behind the name and how neither I nor them would exist without the lady who I am naming her after. Unfortunately the name can’t be shortened or nicknamed in the way Elizabeth and Catherine can, (as examples) it isn’t even in the top 100.

Just have your sons let his new wife know they are naming the child after “mums great aunty Feefee, without whom we would never have been born”

SD1978 · 23/11/2022 00:25

He's an arse for bringing it up, and his new partner quite frankly is also somewhat strange to use a name that he only has in mind due to his connection to you. For her to wait to use a name that's so 'intimate' to you, shows a lack of tact on her part too. Ignore them both- your boys and you k ow why this name matters and always had, and when older will realise dad using it was a dick move.

Autumnmoonshines · 23/11/2022 00:28

I would also probably take this as a lesson not to share private stuff with my ex!

bonzaitree · 23/11/2022 00:42

Don’t talk to him about anything apart from essential communications about your kids.

even then put it in writing in an email where possible.

he is probably just winding yoh up. Do not share your life with him.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 23/11/2022 01:09

No matter how important this name is to you I think it would be unreasonable of you to call your daughter Sophie (or whatever it is) if your ex has just called his daughter Sophie. Completely unfair on the sons you have together and weird for the two girls who will no doubt find it strange knowing their half brothers have another sister with the very same name.

He sounds like an annoying arse but please try and look at it rationally.

BadNomad · 23/11/2022 01:23

Does his wife know you are planning to call your baby the name? I'm very surprised if she is ok with that. I think it will feel less special if her stepsons have another sister with the same name.

Tiani4 · 23/11/2022 03:20

It is unkind of exDH to do this to you or your shared sons.

I would make sure our sins call his sister by a nickname not full name. Like H instead of Heather. Everything can be shortened.
In this situation, I'd be inclined to announce baby's name before she was born casually , "we are so looking forward to birth of BabyHeather, due in 6 weeks. I'm loving all the kicks , this pregnancy has been great. The name Heather is so special to me for very personal reasons as ...."

And also let his wife know somehow, Can you text stepmum direct ?

"Hi how are you? , I hope you're well. EXDH said he was also planning to name your new baby Heather. I'm confused at why he would name your new daughter same name I chose for personal reasons years ago. It will be weird for our boys to have two sisters with same name. And weird he has picked a name for your own DDbaby so closely associated with me . Anyway I wish you all the best , take care Jaspar"

I'd also be telling my boys to talk about BabyHeather that mummy is having (when at Dads house)

Hopefully that will make his new wife rethink (if she's a treasonable person)

LALALUCA · 23/11/2022 03:30

My Dh's name was (has since been legally switched with his middle name) Cory, his brother's name was Jory, his uncle's name was Cory, and my oldest daughter (previous relationship) name id also Cory.

Honestly, it really has never been a problem. Most people can judge from context clues who you're talking about.

Roadtripppp · 23/11/2022 03:41

I would go with what a PP suggested. Cringey, but who cares in this case. A picture of your scan / baby bump / whatever and announce her name. That way, you won’t feel like you’re copying them and no one else will think you are either. They’ll think your ex and his wife are the oddballs (as you said it’s a fairly unusual name).

I know that shouldn’t matter, but it’s the name you chose and why not put a public claim on it? Might even make him change his mind if everyone starts referring to your baby as x name before she’s born.

Roadtripppp · 23/11/2022 03:42

*announce her name on social media, I meant to say.

LALALUCA · 23/11/2022 03:46

But what difference would announcing it on SM make? Presumably op and her ex don't share a social circle anymore. I'm still close friends with my ex-husband, so I'm not a great example, but most of my friends wouldn't have the slightest idea what their exs were announcing on facebook.

Pantst · 23/11/2022 03:52

Explain all about the name to the new partner and ask if she'd consider not using it. And announce it on social media.

Roadtripppp · 23/11/2022 03:54

The OP was concerned that people would think she was copying her ex, this way it won’t appear that way to anyone who could think she was copying (ie: whoever overlapped in their social circles).

I know it seems a little petty, but if it were me, I’d stake my claim that way. Refer to the baby as baby x name around the ex also. And then move on. If he still chooses to name his daughter the same thing, then it’s on him and not you.

I think it’s a shitty thing for your ex to do though, OP.

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 23/11/2022 04:01

Gazumping them on social media is a great idea, if you have any common followers at all, do that!

LALALUCA · 23/11/2022 04:02

But again, who are you staking a claim too? Presumably you don't share a social circle with your ex. His people won't care, and your people are unlikely to draw the connection. This falls firmly in the camp of nobody cares even as remotely as much as you do.

LiveintheNow · 23/11/2022 04:20

The special moment he is ruining is the one with his new partner. I think she would be horrified that she is being used like this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread