Half siblings with the same name

[Jasparconcorde]

Ex husband and I are both expecting new babies due within weeks of each other.
We have ds10 and ds6 together.
We are both having girls and he ‘informed’ me he will be using a name that he knows holds great sentimental meaning to me. It was our number 1 girl name if our sons had been girls, and has been very personal to me throughout my life. It took me aback and hurt me a lot he would use a name he knew full well I would be using for my daughter. When we found out we were expecting a girl, several weeks before he found out his babies gender, he said ‘I presume you’ll use the name X’? I said yes. His reason for wanting to use it is because his wife likes it and has no knowledge of it’s value to me, supposedly.
Now I know nobody owns a name and he’s entitled to name his child whatever he choses, but out of all the names he couldn’t just pick a similar/variant of the name? Use it as a middle name!?
Despite the upset, I’ve come here to ask how difficult this will be for my sons if they have siblings on both sides with the same names.
Im expecting it to be confusing with a lot of X at dads, X at home etc. Has this happened to anyone here who could advise further please? I won’t be budging on the name regardless. Their baby is likely to be born first therefore putting me in a position of seeming to ‘copy’ out of spite.
my husband has reassured me it’s fine and isn’t my problem, but I worry over my sons views on it and if I should speak to them before the babies are born.

Agree to disagree. I think siblings is a fairly common topic for chit chat.
I run a youth group and know if they are only/brother/sister as they tell me - anything unusual eg girl with 7 older siblings is a source of fascination to the other children. I’d anticipate eldest will be asked about his siblings when making friends at high school.
I know about siblings of colleagues and acquaintances I barely know as it comes up in conversation eg what are you doing for Christmas chit chat. Up north - maybe people are more chatty?!

Do not use the same name as your ex. Pick a nice new name.

It's irrelevant what your sons think. But it won't be nice for the new babies to share a name, surely they are worth some thought and imagination to choose something else? (Common name person here and it's a PITA).

No decent parent who was thinking clearly about their children's wellbeing would add the confusion of two identically named newborn siblings into the mix with everything else that's going on. They just wouldn't.

But you've been dismissive of them all along. I wonder if that's an insight into your style of parenting.

OK, if you're going to be gratuitously rude as well as not explaining precisely why you think this will have a negative effect on the boys, I think we're done here.

Gratuitously rude? It's all there in your posts.

But yes indeed, very much done. Bye now.

There was literally no need to cast aspersions on my parenting style just because I don't agree with you that the OP's boys will need years of therapy if their two half sisters have the same name.

I would go ahead and use the name . He sounds like a dick

Do you live in a bubble that means you only see close family, a few friends and don't enjoy meeting new people?

There is a big world out there and especially with social media people interact with lots of people especially the younger ones.

Two teenage girls who share the same Brothers will probably want to know each other. If they get on they may even shock horror be friends.

Yes, in fact as a child my social circle was big enough that I had no particular reason to socialise with children living an hour away who I had some connection to but who didn't attend my school or any of my extra curricular activities and whose parents didn't get in with mine.

But if they do meet, so what? I had loads of friends with the same name as me.

OP’s ex probably isn’t even going to use the name and is just trying to cause her distress.

I knew you would say that.

There are two debates going on.

You said the girls would never meet unless it was at a wedding - I disagreed

You also said the boys wouldn't care their parents gave their baby Sisters the same name.

Totally different debates.

Both those things can be true at the same time.

I'm done. You are not even making sense now.

It is an added complication none of the children need , it is setting out with angst about naming before the children have been born. They will always have the same name and it will always be a reminder of conflict .It is irrelevant that is warm and functioning families people don't bat an eyelid about 2 children with the same name.

I would explain to his new partner why you'll be using the name. She may choose a different name. If not it will be like any family with two people of the same name. Your boys will find a way to distinguish who they're taking about.

I’d have a ‘nice’ chat/whatsaspp convo with arsehole ex and his wife to see if a) he was winding me up and b) see if his new wife was aware that it was ‘my’ name. She might strike it off the list sharpish.

But if he was adamant about using it well then I’d just find another name rather than sticking my heels in.

• The name would be permanently tarnished for me knowing my ex had pilfered it

• It might look like I was obsessed with my ex (‘did you hear Sarah has given her new daughter the same name as her ex’s new daughter? She’s so not over him’)

• It would look like my ex and I were more concerned with our own animosity than making life easy for our kids.

• It would be weird for my boys having two sisters with the same name.

• It would be weird for the two girls knowing their brothers had a sister ‘on the other side’ with the same name

• I’d wonder what nicknames they’d come up with to differentiate between them – Big Lil and Little Lil (lil lil?)

Basically it’s all a bit Jerry Springer and that’s not really my style! So many lovely names out there.