Does anyone else late 50s feel so nostalgic, and like life is running away from them

[lipstickwoman]

Im trying not to be too gloomy here. I've had several bereavements in the last few years, which have really made me realise how short life it. I find myself increasing nostalgic and aware how fragile life is

What do you do to put these feelings aside and live life to the full?

Life isn't short - it's the longest thing you'll ever do. Did you know your heart beats 2.5 billion times during an average life? You do whatever you need to do squeeze all the love, laughter, knowledge, wisdom, forgiveness and acceptance out of your own life and give back as much as you can before you take your leave.

But life is short! I am 55 and people in my peer group are dying or have developed various health conditions. When I meet with friends we talk about pension provision and discuss if we can afford to retire early to make the most of our years with good health. More of our life is behind us than ahead and that is a very sobering thought. I don't have any advice on how to make the most of life as I am just putting one foot in front of the other and feeling more tired than ever.

I’m looking into volunteering. Also the University of the 3rd Age. Feeling utterly invisible these days. I need a purpose but I don’t know what I want it to be!

There are lots of people out there of every age leading very difficult lives dominated by illness and disability.

How are you though? Are you in good health? Are you financially secure? Do you have a good job? Can you pretty much do what you want?

If so, the best advice I can give is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start feeling grateful. Life is a gift. You need to make the best of it while you can.

@Peekachoochoo I really don't feel sorry for myself. In fact I pinch myself and wonder how long this will last for me. I'm all of the things you mention... so was my only sibling who died of cancer when younger than I am now

I am a bit older 62 - still feel about 27 til I catch sight of myself in the mirror.
DH had a car accident 5 years ago today just 3 months after taking early retirement from many years as an HGV driver. He had a brain injury and then osteoporosis in his skull. Although he should have died, he has surprisingly, pretty much recovered but is always tired, cold and uninterested in leaving the house.
I took early retirement at the end of 2019 with the intention of us doing all the travelling we had never managed to do when we were younger but of course COVID and lockdowns put paid to that and we are still sat here every day and every suggestion I make is rejected - actually I suppose the cardiac event he had a couple of months ago hasn't helped.
I have resolved that if there is no change in position by next spring then I will be travelling alone. Much as I love my garden and I have my DS and family next door, I am not spending what's left of my life stuck here.

I'm in my early 50s and have two teenage DCs. I also work almost FT. I really just don't have the time to reflect on this type of thing (thank god, because I am a dweller!).

I think having children later (mid/late 30s) has perhaps stopped me having those types of thoughts as I still feel as though I'm in my prime and have a real purpose - partly because my children still need me on a day to day basis and will for a while longer.

I know how you feel op. I have lost 2 friends in the past year very suddenly both in their early fifties and without serious known health conditions. It has truly shocked me. I feel like my own health is deteriorating and life is one long slog and is passing me by. I try to find joy in little things like having a lovely walk, meeting friends but feel so limited by lack of money and time. I just feel that by the time I get to a point where I can retire my health will not allow me to do all the things I want.

I have a friendship group i have been friends with since aged15, we are all mid fifties now and half the group have retired. I feel hugely jealous knowing I have to carry on with the daily grind for another 10 years at least.

I thin

I’m in my early 60s, working full time in a senior and quite demanding role that involves weekly travel within Europe. All of my peers are 10 or even 20 years younger than me, and most of the time I feel ok, like I can keep up and hold my own. I love my job (and my salary), but I am definitely getting more physically crunky and feeling like I want to slow my life down and actually focus on me. I’d like to spend 6 months getting fit and being outside more. The years are whizzing by ….. it’s really now or never.

I'm 63, my BIL who is younger and was always a healthy and positive person, was just put into a care home with end-stage Parkinsons and severe dementia. He's like a shell of his former self. Makes me very aware of the passing of time. It's scary !

Am so sorry about your sibling, that is hard and sobering.

I am a bit younger, early 50s, and haven’t lost anyone young as close as that but I never mourn the passing of years as we have two choices, get old or die

i know lots of amazing people in their 60s and 70s, including my partner, who are still healthy, attractive (to me), enjoying and deeply involved with their current lives.

maybe this isn’t age but rediscovering your joie de vivre and working out what you want from this period in your life.

I am aware of time passing quickly, and shudder to imagine that I am likely to be well over half way through my lifespan.
My fifties are proving to be my happiest decade though. In fact I have continued to get happier the older I get.
Those of us who have health, need to be so grateful. I am my own boss and have a long happy marriage. The DC are emerging as well rounded adults who are good company when we get together. I have a couple of dear friends who have shared highs and lows with me, and vice versa.
U3A is for very old people around here (MIL is 91 and goes regularly!) so I'll be giving that a miss for a while.
Someone on here described your 50's as 'sniper alley', and losing those you love at a relatively young age is tragic.
I think we were born at an great time in history (not quite boomers).Our sex didn't hold us back with career choices but being a sahp was possible too.
The reason I'm on here (waiting for DH to finish in the hotel bathroom) is because I have been to see a band tonight. One of their members died, aged 51, a couple of months ago. That fact made me damm sure I went, with quite a few fellow audience members all 40's and 50's, for a 'lock in'. We've got to grab all we can, while we can.
From dust we came and to dust we return, or something like that! I am so sorry for the losses we have probably all suffered, but we owe it to those who can no longer make the best of this life, to get out there and make the most of ours.

I’m mid 50s and I don’t feel like this at all , I’ve got numerous health conditions but I plan to live a very long and active life . My dad died just after his 51st birthday so I decided in my early 20s that life is for living , not dwelling because you just never know . I had a very near death experience in 2016 and even that hasn’t shaken my resolve to not consider the end .

Yes feel the same, but don't know what to do about it. Feeling very mortal, my sister died 2 years ago at 48 and I've just lost my brother to cancer at 52. I'm the only one left standing. I'd like to retire but don't have enough in my pension fund to do so. Every week seems to flash past faster and I'm conscious that time is passing me by.

I recommend the book Happy by Derren Brown. It's mainly about feeling content with what we have and accepting that death is a natural part of life.

I really understand how you feel, @lipstickwoman I was motoring along beautifully until my mid 50s & never felt anything other than optimistic, younger than my years and full of beans. Then events took place personally, professionally and on the world stage and I just feel battered by life. I desperately miss my DM and other family and friends who have died in the last five years, and sometimes my ache for the past feels visceral. It may seem trivial to some, but selling the family home where we'd lived for six generations was terribly painful and I felt like the things that tethered me to safety and happiness were being cut one by one.
I am still working full time but increasingly that's a battle, yet my retirement will be nothing like I'd always envisaged. I'm trying to reframe all of that and look towards a different, but still purposeful and active, future with the time to do things I enjoy and rediscover myself. My Mum, who was amazing, and another dear departed friend who lived well into her 90s, had very outward looking lives and, for me, that's the key.
I try to connect with people and look to find the beauty and joy in each day, even though sometimes that has been bloody hard. I also try to block out some of the negativity and fear-mongering that the media seems to keep bubbling on a constant low burn.
I really hope you get through this and find new opportunities that make life fun and full again.

64 here. I think we can deal with this by just confronting it - we all die eventually - surely that is all the more reason to live life to the full, one day at a time?

My particular journey has shown me that life is very much a gift to be made the most of. For sure it will end for us all eventually, but there is really no point in impoverishing the present with thoughts of what might happen. You never know what's around the corner, so best to just get on with it and be grateful.

My DSis must have spent most of her life in fear of death etc. Yet she still lives, so all that worrying was a waste of time.

I have become death positive, I have explored and read about death extensively. I am not afraid of death but I understand it and am not afraid.
I embrace as many new experiences as I can and make new memories, your perception of time truncates-if every day is the same.
I am learning to play the piano very slowly.
I read an article once that said that if you live until 80, you will have lived half your perceived lifetime by the time you are 20.
Keep laying down those memories in your neural pathways, exercise your brain, be aware of the passing seasons and embrace death, its inevitably will keep you grounded on what is important in your life.
I love Caitlin Doughty, she’s all over social media if you want to become more death positive.

I'm 57 and have been a positive and happy person most of my life, but now often feel very glum and worn down. My husband (57) has advanced Parkinson's and the last 9 years have been increasingly hard. He's not the same man,and I miss his company. I'm knackered all the time as I never get a full night's sleep. I know that I'm not as good at my job any more, and st home it feels as if there is only time for housework- endless clearing up of accidents, my life smells of wee! I'm rather disappointed tbh, thought that we would enjoy life together after the children left home. But I feel now that it's just more dreariness stretching on and on.
Sorry, that's a moan. But it was helpful to write it!

I do realise that it is easy to be positive when your life experiences are positive. I have never had my resilience tested, not properly. I do wonder how I would cope?

I haven’t read that book, or any book related to getting older, but I can honestly say that at 64 and after very hard times that shaped my thoughts to what they are today I have to agree that contentment with my life is my happiness and accepting death is inevitable is a part of it.

Fair comment but I hope I can always refuse to think in a gloomy way. Everything that happens (good or bad) means opportunities. Plenty of them aren't your first choice, but no problem is so bad that you can't make it worse. Appreciate every age for what it is (Wise friend gave me that advice when we were 20). If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, what a waste of time to spend any of the remaining hours in self-pity.

Very British to moan & even find solidarity in moaning: I can't relate to you guys. Can you tell I'm foreign?

-Enjoying my 50s.

Lots of this really resonates. I loved what a PP said about Bomb Alley! At 60, I’ve outlived both my parents - my DM by 12 years. My recipe for happiness is to spend time with younger people. I’ve got a hobby that’s pretty non age dependant, and it’s so great to spend time with people who aren’t yet worried about bits of themselves falling apart(They’re worried about other stuff, tbf - and I’m glad I’m not 30 today).
I’ve got two DC who are an absolute riot, and actually seem to enjoy hanging round with me, and I’m trying to not be mum all the time these days.