Does anyone else late 50s feel so nostalgic, and like life is running away from them

[lipstickwoman]

Im trying not to be too gloomy here. I've had several bereavements in the last few years, which have really made me realise how short life it. I find myself increasing nostalgic and aware how fragile life is

What do you do to put these feelings aside and live life to the full?

I felt just the same. HRT has helped me to regain joy in life, I still have odd times but on the whole I’m so much better for being on it.

The one thing I look forward to about death is an end to pain, both physical and mental. I have suffered a lot of both over the years and I am so tired, I really am. For that reason I don’t fear death. If I had my way I won’t die just yet, but equally I don’t want to live to my 90s.

I have taken the road of live for today. I have travelled, done all the things I would have on a “bucket list”. It means I have sod all pension but it doesn’t worry me. I’ve been poor before and if you compare state pension to single persons UC, you’ll see it’s relatively generous! I would rather have a brilliant time in my 40s/50s/60s and a poorer life from 70 onwards than vice versa. I’m already knackered, I won’t be up to travelling the world in my 70s/80s.

I did have my DC young (I was 19 & 21 when I had them) so have been able to enjoy life with them. It also means I can be reassured when I go that they are established and capable of coping. That would be my only worry otherwise.

I had to laugh at someone upthread that said someone in their 90s can be fitter and healthier than a 19 year old. Sorry but that’s just not true, unless in extreme circumstances, like severe disability/illness in the 19yr old. It doesn’t matter how young you look or feel or how fit you are. Someone in their later years still has the internal organs of someone of that age. People can kid themselves saying “I’m fitter in my 60s than I was in my 30s” doesn’t matter. Your body is still 60+. You really are kidding yourself if you think it somehow makes you invincible.

Not at all. I'm early 60s, have some health issues but am basically well. Very busy with my own business but I still say I don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

Occasionally I catch sight of an old woman in a shop window and realise it is me but most of the time I feel about 25.

People dream of retiring but honestly, it really is the death knell for a lot of people as that's when a lot of health problems kick in. Don't think to yourself about what you will do when you retire. Do it now!

That's the problem though when you're in your 50s and working full time. You don't have the stamina or energy you used to have. In my 20s I used to come in from working FT to a house that needed renovating, have a quick chippy tea and then strip wallpaper or rip carpets up, then drive back 15 miles to stay the night at my parents' house, before getting up and doing it again. For weeks on end. It was fine, it really was.

Now I'm 50 I am KNACKERED from working so hard all day at work, so I just get home, make a cup of tea, do a little bit of tidying or cooking and then onto the sofa where I'm fit for nothing other than a bit of whatsapping or watching telly or reading an online newspaper. I look back at doing a house up in my 20s and have no idea where I got the energy from. So I don't have the energy to do things now rather than wait till I retire. At the weekend I'm just doing chores, ironing, shopping, visiting parents etc. Then flop.

So I totally understand why people DO look forward to retiring because they'd just like to be able to do interesting things that they have the energy and time for without a FT job getting in the way.

I can also see how people can retire and get stuck in a rut with all good intentions gone out the window, however.

@CurlyhairedAssassin I think maybe the answer (if it's possible in your job) is part time work? Both my parents reduced their hours gradually over a number of years and that seemed to go really well for them. Eg my dad stopped working full time at age 60 but was still doing some paid employment until he was 69. I'm sure it kept him feeling younger and more engaged with the world. Of course, not all jobs offer this kind of flexibility.

Interesting thoughts about retirement and when/if to do it.

I retired mid fifties. I planned to see how it went and then either get a part time job or volunteer. A few years on I don't have time for either. I don't have an expensive lifestyle and can be happy at home pottering some of the time. I cook, read, garden.

I am almost 4 stones lighter than when I left work and loads fitter.. I have time for and enjoy walking, some yoga and have added a bit of jogging. I didn't have time to cook or exercise like this while I was working, and eating well and being active needs time ime.

I guess I have stepped off the daily treadmill that some of you describe so well. The relentless round of work, housework, sleep etc.

I know I'm fortunate to be able to do this, but I would encourage anyone who can to do so.

Thats just a dream @lipstickwoman

Like flying to the moon or waking up a size ten

I'll be working forever

@FayeGovan I'm sorry you aren't in a position to have the choice.. I'm very fortunate I know.

Those who are able to choose should, imo, seriously think about it.

Lipstick that sounds great. I hated Full T. Felt zero downtime for anything else. I do school hours now. Less money but calmer. My poor dad was robbed of retirement as had stroke. I try be thankful. Im 49

Life is for living, no matter what your age or circumstances, most of us in our 50' s have lost close ones who were still young, that should motivate you even more to live a fuller way of life.
I have dropped 3 friends alone this year because l am so worn out with their negativity. I don't need it. It drains the life out of me.
I was widowed young, left to raise two young sons comp!etely alone, zero support, no life insurance. Financially l am not well off, but physically, mentally and emotionally l am rich, as I am in good health.
I could live another 50 yrs yet, l refuse to be miserable and full of dread. It's a choice, healthy mindset equally a healthy life, people work on their appearance but not their way of thinking. It makes all the difference.

I could live another 50 yrs yet, l refuse to be miserable and full of dread. It's a choice, healthy mindset equally a healthy life, people work on their appearance but not their way of thinking. It makes all the difference.

Absolutely agree.

Money and health are vital factors in someones outlook.

I too had severe health problems in my 30/40s, in and out of hospital for long periods, they never seemed to get to the bottom of it, but by chance something flagged up in my 50's, and the answers were found, a rare disease, that now is managed and treated better, I'm actually in better health than I was so that I have to be thankful for.
From a health care system that probably thought it was pychological to now being under specialists and being cared for extremely well it makes such a difference. People go through medical problems at varying ages, the 50's and menopause can trigger ill health that's why the difference between early 50's and late 50's is so very different in terms of stamina and ill health for some.
Being so ill in the past has made me empathise with those whose circumstances change at this age, health is something so many of us take for granted until it affects us and our lifestyle @SpentDandelion it's a shame you dropped 3 friends just for negativity, do you not wonder what reasons they may have had to be down.

And of course having to work into an older age affects you, there is only so much energy in the pot regrdless of whether you love your job or not.

@myoldtoe you sound so lovely and kind. Being empathetic is so important for me too, especially after I've had a lot of health issues over the past 8 years. In hindsight, the head injury that I had was avoidable as it was my fault in some ways, but the subsequent iatrogenic injury from an off label antipsychotic wasn't quite what I expected.

My old best friend from school sent me a Christmas card one year saying that she didn't have time or energy for my problems and that I needed to try something different as what I was doing clearly wasn't working... 😑😳

This was the friend whom I'd known for 20 years and ran marathons, and forgot that I had a rare movement disorder caused by a medication that wasn't my fault. I used to be extremely fit too once, running half marathons, eating healthily, being mentally ok. The fact that I had a lot of mental and physical illness since an injury seemed to be somewhat forgotten by her.😳

Until these things happen to you, the best thing to be is kind and when it happens to you, be even kinder. ✨

@SpentDandelion you are fortunate to have your good health and well-being. Please don't take it for granted, nor be unable to be a bit more compassionate to those who aren't so fortunate. We don't know what we have until it is gone 💔

I agree. Until life batters you about a bit it's easy to say it's all just being in the right frame of mind. It's not that easy. The fact that we've made it this far relatively ok but bruised around the edges means we have pulled our big girls pants up, more than once.

I think all of life's experience change the way we think, the way we empathise, gives us the ability to see the bigger picture.. and it is this that makes us wiser, but unfortunately more aware of the fragility of it all.

@NooNooHead1981 - I hear you about friends responses to chronic health problems. I am very fortunate to have a couple of close friends who have stuck with me through thick and thin and even though they live miles away and I see them once or twice a year at best, I am so glad to have them. Going through health problems really does demonstrate which friends are of the fairweather variety IMHO.

@lipstickwoman - I think your last paragraph sums it up perfectly. 💐

Sorry @NooNooHead1981 if that sounds as though I was boasting about having a couple of good friends - it wasn't meant like that and now I've read it back it sounds a bit self-satisfied. I probably should have added that they are the only two friends that have stuck with me when at least 4 or 5 who I thought were good friends have proved to be less than supportive.

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Such good posts here.

What an excellent thread. I've read every page, and it's heartening to read so many different accounts of life, even the sad ones; so much candour and lack of self-pity.
At 68, and retired for a year, this thread got me thinking about the late 50s and can see how the nostalgia kicks in when you're still in the thick of work and child-rearing, while possibly KO'd by menopause and bereavements. Retirement is so far away, and looking so compromised now. I agree about the do it NOW view but can also see how daily life consumes the time and energy.
My 50s were a bit different as I'd just moved to Australia so had to start again in work and housing, so it was busy, exciting, and yes, stressful, but the newness took the edge off a good deal. Bereavement was horrible, all bar two of the numerous deaths of close ones in my 50s was premature. The loss of a sibling nearly thirty year ago changed my thinking profoundly in that thoughts of death have occupied my mind ever since. Losing my DH fucked our happy retirement plans, and yes, I do feel lonely sometimes, and really miss having someone to talk to. Phone calls to DC are lovely but not the same.
Like others on this thread, I feel health is key. Turning 60 was like somenone throwing a switch, an avalanche of aches and pains, all coloured by living alone. All resolved now. Ish.
Menopause was a breeze, very fortunate there, thanks to HRT, but a non-life threatening but very painful condition, now in remission, reminds me how existence can be turned upside down, literally overnight in my case. I've other deeply unamusing health stuff going on, but nothing that stops me doing anything day-to-day so I think of myself, ludicrously, as healthy. I don't consider this a virtue by the way, some better way of thinking, it's only occurred to me that I do this just now, writing it down. If I’m not in pain, it’s all good.
Back to the nostalgia. I’ve had, and have, a fortunate life. I'm not nostalgic in the sense of wanting to re-live my life, I just wish my DH wasn't dead. It was so nice to have someone who looked after me, not in the sense of carrying me around like some hapless ninny, but one who always always had me in their thoughts. It's a fucking chore being the grown -up all the time.

@echt your post brought tears to my eyes.

Another reason to live life to the full while DH is with me/us. Who knows when he won't be.

You sound very brave

I really do think you are misunderstanding what posters mean by adjusting your mindset. Hard to explain until you actually try doing it (over and over and over during the difficult years, until it becomes your new outlook on life and true to you, regardless of what occurs).

I can't think of anything that would depress me more if I couldn't work.

@lljkk
Really - is there nothing else you would rather be doing?

I can't think of anything more depressing than having to continue to work

What a wonderful thread, Thank you to everyone who has expressed how they feel with such clarity and grace. That longing for the past, so that it almost feels present, is well captured in Anne Carson's poem, The Glass Essay:

...Perhaps the hardest thing about losing a lover is
to watch the year repeat its days.
It is as if I could dip my hand down

into time and scoop up
blue and green lozenges of April heat
a year ago in another country.

I can feel that other day running underneath this one
like an old videotape—here we go fast around the last corner
up the hill to his house, shadows

of limes and roses blowing in the car window
and music spraying from the radio and him
singing and touching my left hand to his lips...

(The whole poem is wonderful in its representation of time and love and pain www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48636/the-glass-essay)

I have found that, for me, that longing for the past, to be able to dip one's hand down into time, is best indulged completely, I don't mean dwelling on the past, but rather trying to live in the wholeness of my life- past, present and future.