Does anyone else late 50s feel so nostalgic, and like life is running away from them

[lipstickwoman]

Im trying not to be too gloomy here. I've had several bereavements in the last few years, which have really made me realise how short life it. I find myself increasing nostalgic and aware how fragile life is

What do you do to put these feelings aside and live life to the full?

I read something recently, it might even have been on here. It was the fact that you suddenly realise one day that you are the oldest member of your family still alive.

Previously it would be grandparents then parents or aunts and uncles or even cousins.

I realised that that was me. It was quite sobering.

I also really miss the fact that there are some things you have no-one to reminisce about with. I really feel this about big chunks of my life recently having lost both my parents and DP over the past three years.

Having had DD late she is still a teenager but most of my time is spent worrying about what will happen to her when I am no longer here. She has SN and it is unlikely that she would be able ever to live independently.

I have also however found that I have become rather fatalistic and am trying to take the approach that we can't change the past, can't predict the future so should just try to enjoy the now. The truth is that I don't really want to think about the future

@lipstickwoman thank you for your kind words, yes, it has been pretty hard going and I've often wondered why my life turned out like it has. But I guess dwelling on things too much isn't helping either, I will try to remember to be grateful for what I have too

That all sounds hard💐

@feellikeanalien I have a sen dd too she's only 10, my biggest fear and what keeps me awake at night is something happening to me. I don't have anyone that could look after her. Like you I don't feel she will be able to live independently either. It's so scary.

I feel like life is like a tunnel.

When you are immortal as a young adult yoh look down the tunnel to the light at the end, and see your life and future waiting for you in that light. Full of fun and possibilities

Whem you are older you are at the other end of the tunnel and looking backwards to what has gone. Regret, sadness, compromise, but also good stuff. But it’s tinged with an air of sadness.

Pasding through the tunnel from one side to the other is like lightening. One minute you’re young, and suddenly you’re facing old age. But it’s gone in a flash. Wham! You’re through it.😢

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow that's so true, and is just how I feel too

@SimonandGarfunkel that was a beautiful and thoughtful post 🌹

Following. I know what you mean OP. I. am mid forties but in the past five years four of my most wonderful, close relatives/friends have gone. Only one of them over 70. And him only just.

I try to find the joy in small things but I think a lot about this, and the past.

Op, thanks for this thread, it's really interesting. Sad too though and thought provoking. I like the analogy of a great party and someone being about to turn up the lights and tell you to go home. I don't feel quite like that but I do feel the chill wind of mortality and the loss of possibilities and promise because there's only a certain amount of time left.

I'm in my mid fifties and have a lot of very good things in my life: a happy marriage, reasonably happy adult children, a house I love, a good career, no money worries, my good health. That's a huge list of reasons to be cheerful.

But I've also have just lost a parent and I miss my dd, who is at uni. I don't really want to work any more but equally we can't afford for me to retire yet. My resilience is definitely lower than it used to be too.

DH and I talk about living our best life and we're trying to do that by arranging outings and holidays and by doing things we want to do but somehow there isn't enough free time once work uses up so much of it and anyway, I'm knackered by 5.30 and not fit to do anything.

I think I'm going to consider this thread a kick up the arse to make me consider how to better look after my health and how to prioritise doing the things I want to do. I think by the time we're in our fifties we've spent a hell of a lot of time doing things for other people and to make other people happy and now it's time to focus on us and what makes us happy.

I have to say though that menopause is fine because of HRT which as far as I'm concerned is awesome.

Thanks @SaltyCrisp. Been thinking about this thread quite a bit actually and it's interesting to hear other people's perspectives.

I am very conscious of not becoming one of those older people who bangs on about how everything was better back in the day (and if I do this my DC give me the eye rolls), because to me some things are better, just as some things are worse.
I think that there is something innate when we reach a certain age and our memories from childhood become so vivid. I certainly have moments where I am right back in my grandparents garden. I think of it as a short film which is enjoyable to watch every now and then and it brings them closer to me for a little while. I suppose it's only a problem if it means that you don't live in the present or aren't able to look to the future and facing your own mortality is inevitable as you age. My role model for approaching old age is my dear departed MIL who always said that she was grateful to have been born when she was whilst managing to be fully engaged and interested in her grandchildren and their lives.

This must be the most depressing thing i ve read since my Sunday school teacher told the class that life is like a cup of tea, at first, too hot to enjoy, then its just right but for too short a time and then its warm and not nice....finally its cold

I was a kid at the time but now i look back and think what a miserable old fucker he must have been.

@User123456713 How old are you?

Its not meant to be depressing? It’s how l visualise it.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow
I think you summed it up rather nicely tbh.

*This must be the most depressing thing i ve read since my Sunday school teacher told the class that life
is like a cup of tea, at first, too hot to enjoy, then its just right
but for too short a time and then its warm and not nice....finally its
cold

I was a kid at the time but now i look back and think what a miserable old fucker he must have been*

And I think this has to be one of the most insultings things I've read on mumsnet, seriously a woman is opening up and reavealing deep thoughts and you smash a wall of trust that has developed on this thread.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow
I liked the post, the tunnel of life.

Obviously @User123456713 thinks they are immortal.

@myoldtoe thank you.

I like both the tunnel and tea analogies. What is more miserable is viewing a volunteer Sunday school teacher as a miserable old fucker, for trying to inject a bit of philosophy into his sessions. It sounds like he was just saying, "Seize the day, boys".

I like the tea anology too. ‘Just right but for too short a time’ is so right.

Well this thread is comforting and somewhat cheery and uplifting one minute, and then along comes some saying I've got to cheer up or stop being so miserable and depressing.

Good thing age and experience has also taught me to take some folk with a huge dose of salt. There's much to be said for ignoring those that haven't a good word to say.

@lipstickwoman Thank you for this thread. Lots of food for thought. I'm the wrong side of mid 50s and DC have left home. I'm busy, have friends etc and will work til beyond 67 but have no idea what will 'become of me' when I stop work, indeed I can't stop work as I will never be able to afford to (lots of life changing events which conspired).
I try to put old age/death into a drawer marked 'Do Not Enter' and just live for the present. Every so often when feeling nostalgic I'll wish I could be 21 again, but i then remind myself that i am looking back with rose-tinted spectacles and cherry picking the good memories. Overall I am happier now though I'd love to meet someone to get old with. I'm not actively searching however and will wait and see what life brings. Age is just a number and if I keep being active and (relatively) sporty I am hopeful of being able to keep carrying on.
to all of you who have lost family and friends.

I think nearing 50 that for my generation nostalgia is king. Radio 2 has presented like Zoe Ball and Sara Cox constantly reminiscing about the 90s and I realise he's it was my hayday but time moves on.......

We have a resurgence in 80a nostalgia and generation x are revelling in this. Boomers extol the brilliance of the Beatles and Stones when the younger generations are wanting their own music.

There is a tendency for people in their 50s arguably at their most wealthy and powerful (profesionally) to want to hold back time and try and indulge the fantasy that their golden sea can be extended limitlessly.

Personally.I enjoy new music and culture but I recognise that ultimately it is a thing for the youth....I find it was people.trying to get with the kids too much. I therefore find it hard to find a tribe in my 50s. I know if aging rockers swapping mullets for bald patches and ravers who still at heart feel Ibiza is where it's at but I really can't get this mentality.

I find arseinthewindow's tunnel far more visceral, poetic and resonant than the insipid cup of tea so her metaphor speaks to me in the way the miserable sunday teacher's didn't.

Difference between some good figurative writing and some bad writing from sunday school teacher right there thank you arse. We have all met that bitter sunday school teacher in our time. Not all were also bad with their existential metaphors though.

Passing through the tunnel from one side to the other is like lightening. One minute you’re young, and suddenly you’re facing old age. But it’s gone in a flash.

neah, I don't identify. 50 years is a long time but it feels like a long time. Didn't happen in a flash. My years of having little children felt endless (but were not). I have many years ahead of me (presuming I dodge the bus). Do you all feel like you can't recall a zillion things that have happened? That's the only way I could understand feeling like life passed in a flash, if you forgot most of it and indeed forget most of life even now as it happens.

This nostalgia revel would make more sense to me if y'all were 90, and were talking about specific friends you miss and truly can't chinwag over shared memories with any more.

That sounds very difficult. I hope you do travel and have a great time!

I wonder about this too - the generational divide.

I find it strange that I can have on the one have the close bond I have with my kids (16, 18 and almost 21), and on the other hand can feel so separate from young people (admittedly more likely to be between 25 and let’s say 35) when out and about.

But I disagree with the notion of a hay day - as if the time I am living now (at 53) is somehow less important or when you think about the amazing fact that we all made it on to the planet, wondrous.

My son asks me about what things were like in “my day” but aside from telling him yes we did have x, y or z (!), I also say that just like for everyone else, now is my day.

I think the fact that our society is so ageist (who wants to face their own mortality?) really doesn’t help, but having been through a phase of wondering how I am relevant, and also currently feeling somewhat invisible, I also think that this is just a different phase. New and different things matter. The hardest thing for me to accept is that having been through the ending of what was an emotionally abusive marriage, it looks like I am not going to be in a relationship again - so I won’t have known what a healthy and loving intimate relationship is like. But it’s all relative and there are people all over the world suffering awful things so I am going to feel grateful instead.

To answer the OP, I also feel nostalgia and sadness (especially as my Mum died 16 years ago), but I try to block it out as it can feel very painful.

I am trying to stop living in terms of “things will be better when I achieve this or that” but that’s hard as well because circumstances mean that I am currently stuck in a job I am not mad about and I don’t have the money to do what I really want to do….

The other thing I find hard is living far away from all my extended family - who in any case are half in the UK and half abroad. Having lost friendships over the lockdowns, and being out of the phase of having lots of other parent friends, it does feel like a lonelier time. Not currently sure how to change this.

Forgot to add - the other thing I sometimes feel nostalgic about is when my own kids were small - I try not to go there in my head as that hurts as well.