Does anyone else late 50s feel so nostalgic, and like life is running away from them

[lipstickwoman]

Im trying not to be too gloomy here. I've had several bereavements in the last few years, which have really made me realise how short life it. I find myself increasing nostalgic and aware how fragile life is

What do you do to put these feelings aside and live life to the full?

I am 61 and only this evening I told DH that I wished I was a child again. He just looked at me. I don't think he understands me at all. My health has deteriorated quite badly this last year. Over last few years I have lost so many people I really loved, my Dad, My Mum, my 2 dearest Aunties who were like second Mother's to me and my favourite Uncle and my FiL. I just keep wondering who I will lose next. I had such wonderful Xmas' when I was a child. I have sister I love who have poor health and I know I just can't cope with losing a sister too. I feel shell shocked as it is.

I'm mid 50s I think.

This year I have lost every single person who ever loved me & would have remembered or known me as a baby or a primary aged child.
Nobody who cared for me or cuddled me is still alive.
Nobody who could pick me out of a photo of me as a child.
I'm now one of those random faces in a picture nobody can identify.
I will never be able to learn the stories of who the other people in them are or what was going on.
I feel I've lost my earliest history.

I feel nostalgic for a time when I wasn't the only one that ever saw me as a little girl.
It isn't something I'd ever thought about before.

I had been thinking I was getting to the age where I'd need 'a funeral coat', but I was too slow.
There is nobody left except a couple of people younger than me & my own kids to lose.

I can't see across a room, I get out of breath just climbing the stairs, I have to stop twice to walk to the corner shop & twice again on the way back.
I hurt all the time.

I just get on with it, what else am I supposed to do?
I'm never going to just give up.

I see this with people of my age about 60, people who have lost parents and family members.
I think if you have suffered loss early, such as I did losing parents in my teens, never had any grandparents, Aunts and Uncles never been in my life, then I think you adapt better as you age.
You are used to loss, isloation and the feeling of being on ones own. It's a feeling that becomes easier, I can't even remember my parents faces but the memories I have are of them being younger than what I am, so I can't relate to them (if that makes sense).
I do feel nostalgic though in terms of missing youth and experiences, but I love my time now, the freedom to do as I please, children grown up. I tend to find my pleasure in learning things, I cannot seem to get enough of reading/music etc and find as I age I need very little sleep.

As Steve Tyler says 'I don't wanna miss a thing.'
Op I think your joie de vivre will come back, events are hard to overcome no matter the age but you will adapt.
Find out what your pleasures are and build on them.

@lipstickwoman - I'm not the one accusing you of moaning, I was respondonding to a pp who said Brits moan.

Death is inevitable and final. It marks the end of our struggles, but also of our hopes and dreams. Come to terms with what has gone before - all your mistakes, the losses and the might-have-beens. Stop chasing the past. Look at today. Are you happy? Do you feel fulfilled? What is missing from your life? Identify what you need - and get out and do what you can to get it. You cannot change yesterday. You do not know if you have a tomorrow. But you have today - use it wisely.

I think there’s a big gap between early and late 50’s though metaphysically speaking though.

l had Dd late and felt she kept me young. But now she’s 16, l worry for her, that l won’t be around to support her. In my early 50’s l felt quite young, but I’m facing the big six oh next year, and bitterly wish l’d had her earlier.

I disagree.

l lost my df when l was 7. I’ve been left with severe abandonment issues and dreadful dreadful mental health. It’s all been traced back to this.

I'm so sorry, I had missed earlier post.

@Brokendaughter I can empathise with much of your post. I too am the only one left. No one can now share my childhood memories, remember the happy days of growing up, holidays, pets, Christmas etc.

I am fortunate to have my own family now, and of course I love them dearly, but it feels like my past is no more. I look back and it hurts so much to know it's over. Gone.

I'm sorry you have this too

After losing a close friend the year we were both planning our big 50th celebrations I made the decision that I would retire at 55 so spent five years maximising my pension contributions then handed in my notice. Although I loved my job and thought I would miss it retirement has so far been fab - not having to consult the holiday list if we want a long weekend away, being able to pop down to see one of the DC at uni for a midweek dinner and being able to stay over, leisurely mid morning dog walks stopping off for coffee rather than a quick run round at 6am, meeting friends and ex colleagues for lunch or a spa day without having to plan weeks ahead I honestly wish I had left at 50. Even after six months I cannot believe how much I enjoy having the freedom that retirement has given me.

I think you might be right. By my late 50s, I'll have been through the menopause and my children will have (possibly) left home, or will be living here as adults. The last 17 years of my life have overall been my happiest.

I think I'm relying on maintaining good health, financial security (we're not minted, just OK) and my relationship with DH for the next phase of my life to be as good, but I'm well aware that any of that can change in a heartbeat.

It feels more than nostalgia. I think it is because the environment in the UK has changed so much and so rapidly. You go into town and it's heaving with so many more people than was the case say thirty years ago. So many things are self-service now. When was the last time you scratched around in your purse to find 'the right money'? People thirty years ago look forwards as they walked, now people look down (at their devices). There has been so much change and most of it not for the better, for both humans and the planet.

There's less petrol in the tank, certainly, but there is still life ahead for those that get to live it! I still have a few older family members and I know their deaths will be a heartache, but they survived the passing of the generation before them.

Interesting. I don’t feel this at all.

My city centre never recovered from Covid so isn’t heaving at all. I quite like self service and contactless payments. I like my phone too.

I think that people are still connected. Just in different ways. I like my tech though.

I will be 57 in February which feels very strange. I would not choose to go back to my childhood or even my 20s which were difficult

I feel really contented with life at the moment and work with people who are very elderly at tImes. One gentleman will be 100 in a few days and another lady well into in her 90s who won’t go to over 50s clubs because (direct quote) “old people are boring” .

Look at your life, make some plan for yourself. I am so sorry you’ve experienced so much loss as I suspect that’s why you feel as you do. Maybe explore something like counselling so you can talk all this over.

I’m 63 and the last 3 years have been really tough.I lost my dad then a few months later had a breast cancer diagnosis. My elderly mum was alone at the other end of the country whilst I was having treatment through Covid .Mums health started to deteriorate so we sold her house and found her a retirement flat close to us.She absolutely loved being near to us and was very happy but in the space of a week became really poorly and died aged 87.
My Dh, Ds and myself all had Covid the week she was in hospital so could not visit, my neighbour went to be with her, it was horrendous and I felt completely battered by it all.
I’d been thinking of retiring for a while and kept pushing the date back so handed my notice in and finished work the end of August.
I’m beginning to feel so much better, I don’t miss work and it’s lovely to have no looming deadlines and take each day as it comes.
It’s made me realise how stressed I was now
that I’ve been able to step back from it all.

For the first time in maybe 35 years I am free of responsibilities and the relief is immense and I know at this time in our lives this may be short lived but I’m going to enjoy it while I can, look after myself and try and be as healthy as I can be.

I obviously worry about my health but even that anxiety is reducing now my other stresses have lessened.I actually don’t want to be young again as I feel more content as I’ve got older. Someone mentioned that nothing bad had never happened to them and they don’t know how they would cope if it did but the thing is you do because you have to.
I look back on the last few years and can’t believe I got through it all but I’m still here and looking forward to the time ahead.
Both my parents lived long and happy lives , they were very lucky. I spent the last 20 years working with physically disabled adults which made me so grateful for what I have, it definitely changed my outlook on life. I don’t want to climb any mountains, just potter around and surround myself with the people I love .

I'm mid 40's but my parents didn't have me until later. They are both gone now and i am fixated on the fragility of life.

What comforts me is that if you live a good life (and by that i mean by interacting wiith others and making the most of what you have rather than material things) you live on in others memories.

I feel my parents all around me and at the most unexpexted times. I guess that is the nostalgia to which the op refers.

I think we live our life in stages and each stage is incredibly short, baby, toddler, child, early teen, later teen etc. There are only a few of the "freedom years" where you are financially independent without dependents - some people don't get any. The child rearing years for me have been the most numerous in my life but you emerge a wearier more tired veraion of yourself having passed your youth on to your offspring.

I try not to plan too far ahead about what i will do when i'm older - it seems to me to be wishing my current stage of life away.

I think we need to bring class and professional status into this discussion. King Charles has just gained a new role at 73 and certainly doesn't feel to old to be bed of state. Many powerful politicians, professionals and leaders work until they drop as it is a part of their identity. Wealth and connection allow them a prolonged working life

For mere mortals the idea of retirement and professional redundancy come into play and we have to find meaning in a world away from the workforce. Healthy living activity would be a natural choice for your time and greater opportunities to socialise. I think one thing a lot of 50/60 year olds will face is how much time they dedicate to grand children if they have any. With increased working pressures on the young in my experience grand parents are talking on additional burdens in terms of childcare. I think here is a danger.precious free time for this generation could be taken up by helping look after.grandchildren.

One thing I feel (and others will.disagree) is that we should grow.old.With dignity and that includes facing up to.increased medical morning and abandoning the concept of eternal youth. There are too many celebrities e.g. Paul McCartney, Mick Jagged who dress in a fashion that belies their age and I find that a little undignified to be honest. I think this is connected with mean (and women) reaching out for much younger partners in a misguided attempt to keep connection to youth.

If you have one or both of your parents alive into your 50s (even 40s) then I think you are very fortunate. You'll still grieve their loss but their job (raising you) was completed decades ago and their deaths are part of the circle of life.

Some people seem to believe that life will be without hardship or that bad things should only be endured by others.

I’m 53 so a few years behind you, but I can relate to this. Our youngest is still at school so DH (60) and I have a good few years of working yet to see him through the remainder of his schooling and onto university/college/apprenticeship/whatever before we decide what we’re going to do. In the meantime we both feel like we’re on a treadmill with full time work, house stuff and ferrying DS to things, whilst waiting for real life to start so we can do all the things we’ve not been able to do for years because of family commitments etc.

We do find joy in life, it’s definitely not all miserable! We’re lucky that we have 3 amazing kids, our health and we can pay the bills, but we are also very conscious that we have more of our lives behind us than ahead of us and that’s a sobering thought. We’ve lost parents, relatives and friends, and some of my friends are now grandparents - it doesn’t seem that long ago that we were all getting married and having families - time passes so unbelievably quickly.

I understand Fizzadora . I hope you do get to do more living on your own terms.

This thread is really thought provoking. My parents are still alive and so far I have only lost one friend. I am mid-fifties.

I have almost the opposite of OP, not nostalgia for the past but a sense of foreboding for the future. I was thinking about it this morning. I remember that sense of "everything to look forward to" when I was 30, now what have I got coming? Decay and loss. I am dreading retirement and have no desire for grandchildren so it seems a case of "enjoy it while I can" before it goes to shit.

I don't think/feel like this all the time, mostly I enjoy life and take it a day at a time but I am currently ill and feeling down.

Apparently if we have a positive attitude to ageing we will live longer. So I say dress how you want, do what you want.

Good for you!!! Please follow through and travel!

Thanks for the Caitlin Doughty reference Portiasbiscuit I will look for her on sm.

I don’t fear death/not being here. But I do fear having a painful death. I’ve had a lot of physical pain on my life, although that’s no reason to think I will have a painful death. But I do fear that happening. Its something I need to get over. As it’s marring my present, for sure.

I think there are still taboos about discussing aging especially the diseases of the elderly e.g. Increased risk of cancer, dementia etc. I often feel that the elderly (or relatively so) are expected to keep quiet about discussion of morbidity as it somehow an acceptance. Cancer charity.campaigns focus on the younger gnerations (bowel babe for.example) as illness in youth is viewed with particular pathos.

the 50/60 year olds are expected to behave in a manner similar to 30 year olds despite the fact their bodies are slowly aging. I think the menopause has been a significant taboo as it is quite a clear biological indicator of age which I presume. a lot of women have challenges facing. Similarly erectile disfunction is rarely discussed with men.

terms like old aged pensioner have now faded from the vocabulary and I wonder if that is necessarily helpful? Are we denying aging on a societal level?.We seem to have a perennial problem of funding care for the elderly and is this another exmaple.of head burying when it comes to the aging human?