Does anyone else late 50s feel so nostalgic, and like life is running away from them

[lipstickwoman]

Im trying not to be too gloomy here. I've had several bereavements in the last few years, which have really made me realise how short life it. I find myself increasing nostalgic and aware how fragile life is

What do you do to put these feelings aside and live life to the full?

I take it you’re pretty young then? I think it’s a very accurate summary actually from @ArseInTheCoOpWindow .

@Questionaboutjoboffer

I relate to a lot you have put.

I guess as humans memory and introspection are part.of our nature so to some extent nostalgia is part of the human condition and is applicable to every generation.
I guess that some do put their generation's culture a little above represent but maybe because that is an inherent difficulty to relate to a new youth culture. I will give an example; pop music has admits theme often new relationships or attraction to others and having been married for 20 years this seems a little difficult to relate to. Forming new sexual relationships to many of my generation may be something very much of the past; also.within the lyrics of songs there is the implicit suggestion that the subjects are going (20a perhaps). There are no songs about growing old with someone or the decline and death of a partner.

I think therefore many of say the Booker generation hold into the songs of their youth as a reminder of times of let's say greater romantic and sexual passions.

I think the point about children being young is really poignant. I personally feel that because employment and life was generally stressful at the time it may have been a little better to enjoy the moments more however I do think nostalgia can cloud your recall of even that period. The constant readjustment to your children's age and needs at that age is a source of constant wonder and a peculiar sadness that in time their youth will blossom and fade. Your children move from a place of immediate needs e.g. feeding to autonomy so quickly in hindsight and one pleasure in my life is to watch and see how their individual personality develops.

At 64 my long term partner’s reliance on drink got worse.He became a complete dick and myself and teenage son had to leave. I had taken partial retirement but now have two jobs and will have a mortgage until my eighties BUT life is actually so more relaxed . My adult children have been so supportive and the youngest one is still at home and he keeps me young . When I have the time and money I fully intend to do the travelling we planned as a couple . It’s great only paying for one ! My friends and I do lots of cheap activities and I go places with family . I do have the usual aches and pains but I won’t let it stop me . It was my dear deceased mum’s birthday yesterday and I did have waves of nostalgia while chatting to my older brother. He is the only living person who experienced our home life and I dread him going.

Best thread I’ve read for a long time. I relate to some posters and others have made me ponder. How wonderful that we are not all the same! I don’t think of life as a fight and I tend to look forward rather than back, but reading others’ perspectives is fascinating. I retired at 57 (not through choice) and am struggling financially but happily enjoy good health. I don’t expect to live to my 90s but can’t really see how to have an exciting time in the years left. Lots of great food for thought here - thanks for the thread, OP!

Absolutely thank you, lipstickwoman . It is a great thread & So many thoughtful posts.

@lipstickwoman Thank you so much for starting this thread. Reading the heartfelt and insightful posts on here strikes many chords with me too.

I'll be 70 next year and it very much feels an unwelcome milestone. I look at a picture on my bookcase of me, my Mum and Auntie on a beach when I was about eight. A cheeky grin - full of life, and I think about all the things - good and bad - that have happened to that girl. Time is passing so quickly now - and while not scared of death itself, I do feel trepidation about becoming frail and ill because of the lack of autonomy it gives you.

But to focus on the present, we have done our best with what we have - a sensible move nearer our daughter and this has given me the absolute joy of looking after our grandson two days a week. But again bittersweet - I have recognised that it is a good thing that he will be in school next year as it has become increasingly demanding looking after him. My husband and I always considered ourselves 'young' for our age - but age is now catching up with us rapidly and we have to pace ourselves. I read somewhere on Mumsnet that 60 somethings seem fit and well, but 70 somethings seem to morph into frail old people - so very thought provoking.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow , thank you. You summed up exactly how i feel.

So many touching posts on this thread.

I understand totally where you are coming from op. I feel the same way! And I am so sorry for the loss of your sister

Part of it, I think, is that we have accrued "wisdom" (maybe?) inasmuch as one lives a better life (in theory😄 ) when you are aware it all hangs pretty much by a very fragile thread. We know what is important now. This is how we should always have been living life I suppose! With an awareness that it can all go pop at any moment, so we had better make the most of it while we can. But do we have the requisite energy left to do that? I hope so! The truth is, some days I do, and some days I don't! But I try and crack on anyway.

The other bit, as you say, is the loss of resilience to a degree; bereavements and illness in yourself and others, plus other forms of human suffering, leave their mark.
DH and I lost our three remaining parents in the space of four years and we've recently been shocked to the core by the loss of a dear friend in awful circumstances during Covid.

And many of us have spent our lives facilitating the lives of others as well as our own. Our "pouring jug" has run dry and needs replenishing. I think a certain restlessness can descend on you at this age and you want to scream if anyone dare asks "what for dinner?" one more time ☺️.

And it's hard knowing, as crossstitchingnana says that it all rather downhill (physically anyway!) from now on! certainly wish that I had done more serious exercise during my life. I am trying to build it up now but it's very hard. crossstitchingnana I hope you feel better soon

Personally, I don't believe in retirement. My parents spent a long time retired and it narrowed their life rather than expanded it. I have always been a late developer and I hope to launch a new enterprise when I am sixty. Logistical issues post Covid are really making this difficult though! And I am feeling weary just now owing to various life circumstances.

AsTreesWalking that sounds so hard. I hope people tell you that you are doing an amazing job, every single day. And if they don't, they should

Sending lots of strength to Crakes and Brokendaughter and anyone else on here who is struggling.

‘What’s for dinner?’😡😡

How l hate that phrase

Are we allowed to post funny things from fb here

Hope this is allowed, its so funny.

www.facebook.com/DirtBirdsProductions/videos/1028170954273749/?sfnsn=wa

This is the best thread I have read in a long time and I have read every single post. Some great contributions, I had to leave it at one point as it made me so emotional. I relate so much to the nostalgia thing. I’m 49 but I have been reminiscing quite a bit for the past 10 years or so. I think it’s because I developed some health issues at that point that are now chronic, I’m now dealing with teenagers, full time work, frailer parents, the menopause and although I enjoy life and make the most of it, it can often feel like a hard slog. I think I’m so nostalgic because now I see how carefree and easy my life was when I was younger. I had a feeling of excitement, anticipation and wondering that I can’t recreate now. I really miss that feeling.

Please don't thank me for this thread... the contributions of others have been amazing, and I agree it's become a really lovely one.

I have found many posts moving; many have reassured me my thoughts are actually quite normal. Sharing such frank emotions is sometimes impossible in real life, but on here such openness is easier, and so helpful to share.

There are some really strong women on here. and for all xx

It's so hard isn't it. I think that's also why I would prefer not to think about the future. I so enjoy being with her and although she has aunts, uncles and cousins it's a big ask to expect them to look after her.

I think the only thing is to hope for the best.

for you.

I like the nostalgic quote of

"Nobody could understand the past except the people from it"

Very poignant to the older posters who have lost many friends and family of their youth.

Nostalgia is a very strange beast, usually drawn upon when you are sadened, the memories tend to be sorted into the happiest being remembered, the filing system of the mind tends to weed out the bad times, as they say nostalgia is a vice of the old.
We tend to forget the hardships of life economically and emotionally, many of us would not like to live as we did, there have been many advancements to make life more interesting for those of us who have a diminishing social life as we age, but youth is still pined for even when great hardship has been suffered.

I was listening to a political debate the other day and funnily enough someone talked about how political parties use nostalgia to gain votes, especially with the older generation, a hark back to the 'good old days', as such, it's a powerful tool.

I do agree that some people are particularly nostalgic or reminiscent about certain things or topics, mine is music, it can take me back to any era in my life, and the songs act like markers in my timeline. Others I know remenice of travels or certain meetings, social groups, I don't tend to miss some of the people too much but then again I still like meeting new people, always enjoy a new conversation.

People say don't look back too much as the happy thoughts can make you sad but I think that is part and parcel of life, the memories, the knowlege, the understanding and I quite like actually being this age, I've found the similar aged women I meet or aknowledge in the street seem to be much more civilised to one another as they age, a certain unspoken respect for getting this far, a lessening of competitiveness and a return to some sort of female bonding without the interuption of men.

@FayeGovan

Love it !! "the dinner" 😂
Thank you, something else to check out.

I’m 56, and have arthritis which has resulted in two joint replacements in the last two years. I also lost my mum (who was only 19 when she had me) four years ago.

Both have made me realise that I need to seize life by the balls and live it to its fullest.

I live for family, love, learning and adventure now.

I'm 57, and since menopause feel like I'm a shell of my former self, ill health over the last few years, has made me more aware of my limitations, and fills me with dread as to what the later years will bring. I was fit and healthy my whole life, never really thought about getting older, far too busy living a full and active life to think about what the future had in store for me. I miss being me.

I think there is an innate feature of the human race to not accept decline and death.

Recently I have been to work courses where you were asked for a 10 year career plan . For the young it is relevant but for the old not so much.

The assumption in the work place that staff should be treated equally regardless of age actually is maybe unrealistic. Should those in their 60s perhaps be given more leeway for illness or not have the productivity expectations especially with physical work?

I feel exactly the same.

Another one who hates it. A bit of me dies every time.

How l 💕this thread. I think it’s just inspiring, saddening, enlightening, compassionate and one of the best threads I’ve ever been on.

It should be in Classics really.

Anyone struggling with the menopause please consider HRT, it’s amazing

That’s so lovely x