Has anyone tried the "£5 in a card" thing for DC's birthday party?

[astronewt]

8th birthday party approaches for DC, and I was thinking about messaging the attendees to suggest that, instead of presents, they could do £5 or an Amazon voucher or whatever in a card. I normally spend about £10-12 on a present for a party we're invited to, which seems to be about what other attendees spend too, so to my mind it would have the triple benefit of easing financial challenges on attendees, preventing piles of cheap tat, and allowing DC to choose one larger toy they like. Rest assured I will also make it clear that any gift at all is 100% optional.

I'm sure MN will have Opinions on the matter, though, so hit me up. Have you tried it? Would you try it? Did you just mentally cross me off your Christmas card list and clutch the pearls?

I think I would go down the route of saying “no need to bring a gift” and then most people will automatically put money in a card instead. You will ease the financial burden on those who can’t afford to buy a gift too. IMO people will find it a bit cheeky if you ask for cash.

I think you will look rude and piss off the other parents.

I imagine lots of parents, like me, keep a stash of items to give as presents at this sort of party. So the £5 you would be demanding would be an additional cost.

Just ask for no presents if you are hugely worried about tat.

Most people feel obliged to put more money in a card than they spend on a present IME. Presents can be picked up on offer etc.
So it won’t benefit the giver.

Grabby and rude.
Tbh we often recycled gifts if they were duplicates so no I wouldn't be happy.
Also it's really presumptuous to think people have £5-10 spare.
DS2 favourite gift was a box of celebrations, he was made up !

No I wouldn’t ask for money

I think it would be fine. I'd appreciate knowing if I was a guest.

Fwiw, we're going to another DC's party shortly where the DPs have asked for a voucher rather than a present, so it's not completely beyond the pale in local circles.

I think it's rude to ask for things.

I would love it if more parents did this. After the age of around 7 I just stick money in a card anyway.

I would ask, maybe say DC would really like a particular thing and it would be great if they could contribute. Or book tokens.

I moved to party bags of charity shop bits as another money but mainly environmental saver.
Could also encourage regifting.

I don't think people automatically give money at a child's party when told no gifts. My experience is they get sweets/chocs, which we don't want either.

A lot of people have present drawers or cupboards where they have set aside bargains and duplicates for future parties, so it will be an additional cost for those people. It just comes across as a bit rude too as there’s the assumption that I’ll be gifting tatt.

I would be fine with it, would save me money and hassle, but it night not suit others. I think the wording could sound grabby, but then again if you said "no need to bring a present" I would feel obligated to put a tenner in a card so that I didn't look tight....

It's rude to do this unless you're asked.

Seriously don't ask for a present you'll be frowned upon. It's right CF territory. If anything say please no presents.

That's true

DS was invited to a 2nd birthday party recently where this was the stipulation. I loved it! The message on the invitation said something along the lines of 'your presence is the only gift we require however if you would like to bring something £5 in a card would be appreciated' or something which sounded better than that.

Honestly, some will love it, some will think it cheeky. But to me, it means less tat, less stress, less financial burden.

I've never had a cupboard of potential party presents 😳

When mine were younger I would have welcomed being able to stick a fiver in a card rather than wandering around B&M asking DC "does little Lucy like paw patrol? Ok what about peppa pig? OH FOR GOD SAKE JUST CHOOSE SOMETHING!"

We’ve been to a few parties where theninvite says something like “Please don’t feel any need to bring a gift, but if you did want to give Paul a little something then he’s saving up for a new computer game and I know he’d appreciate anything towards that.” Most people are relieved I think.

Don't ask, not a good look.

It happened anyway around when Dts were in y5 although to be fair there weren't many parties for a while because of covid. Now in secondary the norm seems to be a £15 primark voucher.

But those people can just ig ore the request and give whatever gift they like anyway. It isn’t like by asking for £5 OP is saying all other options are banned. 🤣

I wouldn't send a message out.
As others have said, some parents may have gifts put aside. Others will be unsure how much money to give.
However, if anyone specifically asks you what DS would like, you could say something like "anything football (or whatever) related is great, but cash in a card is perfect too". I always welcomed those because it was easy and saved me having to go shopping.

That's why I'm asking. My personal response would be "oh, thank fuck" as opposed to the usual desperate Friday trawl of Amazon prime, but not everybody is me, obvs.

I'd be fine with it, in fact I'd welcome it :)

I wouldn't ask, but fwiw DS 8th birthday in the summer everyone did that anyway (unprompted). 14 friends x £5 and he had a nice little stash of money for a new xbox controller and lego set he'd been wanting

I’ve done this a few times to mixed reaction, dd is almost 9.

I used to asked if there was anything the child would like, but I was being told things like a certain build a bear. I can’t afford that for my own child, I am not about to get one for a school friend.

Only once has a parent reacted with horror at. £5 in a card which was embarrassing.

When we have parties someone, not the parent, offers to organise a collection for anyone who wants to take part. Some people go for this, other people prefer to bring their own gifts, and it's always optional. Is there someone who might do this for you?