Has anyone tried the "£5 in a card" thing for DC's birthday party?

[astronewt]

8th birthday party approaches for DC, and I was thinking about messaging the attendees to suggest that, instead of presents, they could do £5 or an Amazon voucher or whatever in a card. I normally spend about £10-12 on a present for a party we're invited to, which seems to be about what other attendees spend too, so to my mind it would have the triple benefit of easing financial challenges on attendees, preventing piles of cheap tat, and allowing DC to choose one larger toy they like. Rest assured I will also make it clear that any gift at all is 100% optional.

I'm sure MN will have Opinions on the matter, though, so hit me up. Have you tried it? Would you try it? Did you just mentally cross me off your Christmas card list and clutch the pearls?

@MegGriffinshat that's awful. DS has received a fiver in a card and he was absolutely made up, it was one of his favourite presents.

OP I think people feel obliged to spend more when the value is stated, probably because there are idiots like they @MegGriffinshat 's frenemies in the world. Therefore it's rude to ask. My DD's friends now bring £20 vouchers, it's ridiculous. You'll feel awful if you ask for £5s and he is given £15s and £20s. Plus you'd then feel an obligation to reciprocate.

I used to put a tenner in a card, much easier than buying a gift, wrapping etc. I wouldn’t think it was rude at all OP.

You could always say, if you want to get a present, then a fiver in a card would be appreciated and a main present purchased with the collection.

Easy. No gifts at all. Surely the presence of friends at a party is gift enough.

@MegGriffinshat - but that’s the point. Actual cash is obviously £5 or whatever. A present could have been £2 on offer but actually worth £10. I’m always on the Christmas bargains threads and that’s where I get birthday and Xmas gift ideas usually - eg certain Lego sets £10 rather than £20 - buy a couple and have them on standby for parties that are coming up. Looks super generous but actually a bit of a bargain. You just have to be canny!

My initial thought was it would sound rude. But having thought on it its a bloody great idea. Less to spend and the birthday child can pick something they like.

However, for children, alot of the joy of a birthday, especially a party, is having presents to unwrap. No matter whats in them, its the excitiement of getting a wrapped up gift and finding out whats inside that is a big part of the excitement. A load of cards with a fiver in just wouldn't be the same. In the long run, they of course get a bigger present that they want, but kids don't tend to see that far ahead and I can see how it might be a bit dissapointing not having a present to unwrap.

I have given cash gifts before, to older children, but I've always put it into a little box so they still have something to unwrap.

I'd be so happy if the £5 was the norm. While I don't find regifting per se rude, I do find rude that some cheap crap you thought is not good enough for you/your dc/your DH would be good enough for someone else. Never mind the planet and all the plastic

We have these friends (a couple) who always give us obvious re-gifted crap. We stopped buying for them.

I do think this sounds lovely.
We are filling this planet of junk. I don't know how people think its normal to buy lots of plastic stuff that will end up in the bin soon, or keep it in a drawer to regift it.
We need to start to make changes, global warming is a reality.
I think statements like this one are perfect and show a lot of respect for the planet.

Surely the presence of friends at a party is gift enough.

That's not really the done thing, is it. Unless your child's social circle all have a "your friends presence are your gift" policy then your child is going to feel excluded and sad.

Regifts aren't always cheap crap. Sometimes a child might already have that toy, or it's just not something they are interested in. And how would you even know it was a re gift (or a pre bought gift) anyway? Generally you wouldn't.

Yeah, why all the crap gifts?
A small Lego set, a book, craft things...none of those are crap.

Mine are beyond the parties stage now, but any birthday thing they get invited to now usually warrants £10 in a card - they're 12, 15 & 17.

FWIW I once asked for charity donations for DS1s christening, instead of gifts as we did it in between Christmas and his 2nd birthday and were already swamped with presents. I mentioned this once on a similar MN thread to this and was told I'd taken all the joy from people being able to buy multiple silver plated money boxes, or Thomas the Tank engine books for him 🙄We've still got the cards people gave him now (he's 17) with where the money went (various charities benefitted, and we got lots of pictures of what people had chosen to donate to) we don't have one singular, solidarity Thomas book or first curl box kept in his memory box (we got several first curl boxes, all of which ended up at the charity shop, so kind of what we wanted in the first instance, just maybe without us having to act as middle men for it would have been nice!)

What I'm saying is, I don't think it's CF territory to try and steer people a bit, with non grabby intentions (and I don't think not wanting a house filled with stuff, or having to deal with multiple same gifts IS grabby! Quite the opposite!) and I get the re gifting and 'I've got stuff in the gift box already' pov, but not many people ask for £5 in a card, so you can still use your re gifted/already bought presents on other birthdays surely?!

Not the done thing for some. It is for others. I'm sure more people would be grateful to be freed from buying endless gifts. Manage your child's expectations. Instead of teaching them they should be showered with gifts. Much more environmentally friendly too, for those who care about that.

Bloody hell. That was so rude of the parent.

Don’t judge yourself but her lack of good manners.

She’s the one who should have been embarrassed

Just say there is no need to bring a gift. I did this at my 5yr olds party and she isn't scarred for life.

I've only held one big party for my kids and several people gave £5 in a card. Since then I've never bought a present. Its a Good system for skint and/or lazy people.

I think it's a kind thought, but I would say that children that young do love opening their little presents. I would possibly prefer the following route, but I suspect anything is going to upset somebody somewhere.

"The most important thing to Jane is that <name of invitee> comes to her party as she loves her friends and they are important to me too as Jane's parent. As her parent(s), we will be giving Jane a birthday gift from us, but we would also like to get her a collective gift from her friends (name gift). Due to the economic circumstances, <name gift> will be from ALL of her friends. If and only if, you have time to, you are welcome to contribute a MAXIMUM of £5 to <name gift>. If you can't afford any contribution, the gift will be from all of her friends and ALL of her friends' names will be included"

Ok, clumsily worded, but the gist is that you want her friends there, not a display of wealth or an obligation to buy/contribute?

If your thinking of other people's finances then I'd write "no need for presents but we would love your presence "

It’s hard to know what to do for the best sometimes.

My local high street is all (crap and expensive) charity shops and betting shops. It would cost me more than the £5 in a card to get the bus to the nearest shopping place to buy something and I don’t have the money to bulk buy presents for other peoples children, I have to budget very carefully across the year for my own.

Thankfully, where we have moved to it’s a much less affluent area and I have noticed that big parties aren’t really a thing here.

But if more people said no gifts or asked for a fiver instead then it would start to break the cycle.

Wouldn't it be better to not be given duplicates and tat your child doesn't want in the first place?

I would never ask for money. I used to pick up gifts throughout the year that were on offer and put them up for parties as there seemed to be a class birthday party every other week when my children were little.

I think the best option is to get someone else to organise/spread the word for you. Is there another parent you are friends with who would welcome a reciprocal arrangement whereby you do the same for their child's birthday? They can either organise a collection and buy a gift, or just tell everyone that they know your child is saving up for X and money would probably be the best gift.

Omg I could never do this, though I do tell people there is no need for presents. We have too much stuff already and we just want to dance and eat cake together.

I've had two separate mum friend's give me £20 as a present before and I found it so 9 and tried to give it back. Both non English though and another friend explained that it was totally normal in their country and not to be so bloody squirmy about it.

Whilst I think a fiver in a card would make everyone's life easier and be less wasteful, I personally couldn't ask people, and would be a bit if someone did, but then I hate gift lists and all that sort of thing. I know a few mums who have gift cupboards so they're always party ready even at the end of the month.

You said someone else has done it before? Did anyone say anything about that.

Decades ago we always organised a class/group present.

This was 20 odd years ago and there was a collection with a max of £5 each. Once the money had been collected the mums (and dads) in the year consulted with the parents of the birthday child and one or two significant gifts were purchased and wrapped up.

This meant that those who couldn't afford to contribute weren't singled out. It was anonymous.

It meant that the birthday child with 30 class members attending a party didn't end up with x30 low cost similar gifts.

It meant that the birthday child could get a wanted higher cost gift.

This worked so so well but did require organisation. It was usually the best friends mum of the birthday child that organised the collection, the purchase and the wrapping.

I was more than happy to do this as it was much cheaper than buying alone, less effort for the year, and the birthday child got something they really wanted.

On what planet do you think its ok to:

A) specify they must bring something (which in ettiquette is what a specific or limiting request is)
&
B) specify the amount

People KNOW they can stick money in a card, bring just a card, bring a thing of sweets, bring a present, regift something or just show up... people aren't thick you dont have to tell them their options, they are entirely capable of making the choice themselves.

Its not your place to say 'Instead of the RRP. £15 toy can we just have £10 instead because thats less than what its worth so we're helping you'.

Also do you sit and price up your kids birthday presents? you would have to look up the item online to see the RRP. and what stores have sales on to know people are spending £10-£15.

People tend to shop sales so buy things 'worth' more than they spend but a lot of people I know just choose to do money in a card or sweets and a card, no ones ever needed to announce they are 'allowed' too as if they where waiting for permission on how to spend their money.