Has anyone tried the "£5 in a card" thing for DC's birthday party?

[astronewt]

8th birthday party approaches for DC, and I was thinking about messaging the attendees to suggest that, instead of presents, they could do £5 or an Amazon voucher or whatever in a card. I normally spend about £10-12 on a present for a party we're invited to, which seems to be about what other attendees spend too, so to my mind it would have the triple benefit of easing financial challenges on attendees, preventing piles of cheap tat, and allowing DC to choose one larger toy they like. Rest assured I will also make it clear that any gift at all is 100% optional.

I'm sure MN will have Opinions on the matter, though, so hit me up. Have you tried it? Would you try it? Did you just mentally cross me off your Christmas card list and clutch the pearls?

This
Don’t embarrass yourself

Its the done thing here for class birthday parties. Class rep pops it into the group to see if everyone is happy and that is what's done going forward.
We also share the parties. So all Novembers birthdays are together etc. works great and no one is left out.

Tacky, grabby and rude to dictate what guests may give.

I'm really surprised by the number of people saying it is grabby.

I suppose it all depends on how it is phrased. DD was in a class of 23 - and it meant 7 years of full class parties and 22 gifts of pretty much tat. As a teen, she still has loads of 'stuff'.

Contrast to DS. One of the mums of a child in his class sent round a WhatsApp suggesting £5 in a card for birthdays if wished, but no pressure. The entire class parents were very relieved and this was the norm going forward for all birthdays. Occasionally someone brought a physical gift instead but it was rare. Teen DS's room is quite minimalist.

Giving / receiving this amount of tat is environmentally unfriendly and it makes so much sense to make a small contribution so that a child can save towards something bigger.

I'm having a party for DS in a week and I've just not mentioned a thing. I did consider saying no gifts because I am painfully aware of how expensive things are but then I felt mean. My mum never said that for my parties when I was wee and presents are fun. I tend to gift books and a small thing of sweets. This would total less than £5. Wee ones like unwrapping presents though not cards?

I know at least one person who would be upset by this as they have a stash of presents bought cheaply throughout the year. I think you can say "no need for presents, he/she has loads anyway, but if you want to put a pound in the card then it'll go towards x present" - we've had this a few times and in reality most people do give a fiver, but that way it isn't demanding.

I never have, and there's always bound to be someone who sees their arse over it. I have found people are more likely to give cash as the child gets older though, thankfully.

Honestly, if people don’t start the conversation then more and more plastic tat will be bought and not appreciated or worse simply binned or gifted back to the original giver eventually. My DCs would have loved it as then they’d have been able to chose one big thing such as a Lego set instead of a pile of stuff of which maybe one or two things were actually played with.
I used to ask the parents but also tried to suggest that a group got together and bought something.
On the one occasion this happened my DD got a fabulous play tent that was one of those toys that she still remembers in her 20s

It makes more sense to ask for nothing at all if the environment is your concern, rather than showing yourself up by asking people for cash, who may well not be able to afford it.

You dont have the money to buy a £2 item when you see it or order something cheap of Amazon/Ebay etc... when you get the invite but have the money to spend £5 on the bus and more on a gift at the last minute or put straight up cash in a card?

Well thats finacial nonsense.

I mean who still carries cash now, I would have to go into town to go to the bank (the nearest cashpoint) to put money in a card... but oh wait, cashpoints dont give out £5 so I would have to get £10 then go into a shop and buy something I likely unnessacerily need to break the change and hope they have £5 note to give me insted of a handful of coins.

I love your idea!! it is so good!
defo a win-win
I want to know how to say it to other parents in an appropriate and polite, not offensive way.

You said someone else has done it before? Did anyone say anything about that.

Vouchers, yes. The party hasn't happened yet. Nobody has said anything about it in my hearing, is all I can say for sure, and I for one am relieved and grateful.

I would genuinely rather people brought nothing than brought £10 toys, personally, although DC probably wouldn't agree. DC probably would prefer money to choose one bigger thing to smaller toys, though - they are into games and more money- conscious than 2-3 years ago.

OK, I accept it's the done things for others. I have never been to a party where children have been told "presence is the present", but mine are 23 and 13 now so maybe it's a new thing.

Of course I am teaching my child about the environment, and they are both teaching me.

However against a common custom it is, this is the best approach. Just make sure that you choose a balanced wording so as not to offend anyone of "traditional" view.

It’s not fictional nonsense, it’s my life.

If I have some cash, I will put it in a card. My high street is low on shops but has two banks. But I keep some cash in the house as I take my youngest to a play group once a week, so I get out a set amount a month for that as it’s cash only.

And no that’s the point - I wouldn’t have the money for a bus to go and buy a present most of the time. The times where I have given cash, I have had £5 here and not taken dd to playgroup that week.

Why do people on here not seem to understand how some people live? If dd was invited to a party in day, two weeks time, I would have to decline this time as at the moment, we don’t have much and only have the budget for food, and a couple of the last bills - I don’t have £2 to spend on Amazon (and yes, we both work before anyone says it).

Bloody hell, every time I mention money on here I get a kicking and I’m told it’s rubbish. It’s a bit soul destroying.

You’re just creating potential trouble for yourself. Let me people do what they want.

I'd think they were rude too. You should never specify what guests should bring as a gift. Tat may be all they can afford right now.

I wouldn’t mind, I never did the present drawer thing as I worried I’d end up with a load of gifts that all of a sudden seemed too young for the DCs age group and I preferred to choose for each child individually, getting the DCs involved as they knew the other DC better than me.

I agree with the “no need for a gift but if you would like to give something X is saving for Y etc” message being reasonable

Great idea for an 8 year old but maybe not for younger kids as they do like the excitement of receiving presets.

Asking for cash comes across as very vulgar to me. When I have parties for my children, I have no expectation for gifts and never mention it. I just leave it to the parents to decide what they want to do.

A few years ago our neighbour invited us to his son's birthday party I stuck a fiver in a card we haven't had any invites since! I can only assume it wasn't enough for him lol

This type of arrangement is thankfully standard at my dc’s prep school. Ever since dd2 started there, 12 years ago, I’ve done the equivalent of binging a fiver in a card for all parties. Generally, one mum from the invitees checks with party host, and then emails/texts all other invitees asking if they want to club together towards something birthday child is saving for/Amazon voucher/whatever.

it’s completely standard, and as soon as an invite arrives, there will be a club in text arrive soon after. Did this with dd2 all the way from pre-school up to year 6, and now with ds too.

there is no pressure to join the club in, and people are free to give a gift if they prefer, but the general response is ‘brilliant thanks, so much easier’

It's fine. A ten euro Smyths voucher is the norm where i live.

Might have been mentioned already in the thread but I’m in Ireland and from when they start school you can write ‘An Carta party’ on the invite and that means max €5 in a card. It’s great, saves so much hassle. The child can go buy something decent with the money. You can give a gift if you prefer.

@astronewt i think it is absolutely fine! I think it's more embarrassing to give a rubbish toy as a gift - we had lots given when DC were younger and I would rather the giver not have given anything! IMO, a cheap, tatty gift is insulting. I would much rather give £5 in a card as then at least the child could buy something they ACTUALLY want, rather than receive something that will head into the bin after an hour!