Has anyone tried the "£5 in a card" thing for DC's birthday party?

[astronewt]

8th birthday party approaches for DC, and I was thinking about messaging the attendees to suggest that, instead of presents, they could do £5 or an Amazon voucher or whatever in a card. I normally spend about £10-12 on a present for a party we're invited to, which seems to be about what other attendees spend too, so to my mind it would have the triple benefit of easing financial challenges on attendees, preventing piles of cheap tat, and allowing DC to choose one larger toy they like. Rest assured I will also make it clear that any gift at all is 100% optional.

I'm sure MN will have Opinions on the matter, though, so hit me up. Have you tried it? Would you try it? Did you just mentally cross me off your Christmas card list and clutch the pearls?

Absolutely this.

Some people just have parties for the presents OP sounds like part of that clang.

You can buy a card which is sized for cash. I ask the bank for a nice note and there you go. Children of that age love to be able to buy their own toys or whatever.

We did it for all 3 of my kids, as did their classmates for all class birthday parties. It was brilliant .. no fuss on the day of a party… kids made a card, we added the fiver and everyone happy. Many times coins making up a fiver were added to card, if parents didn't have a fiver.
Go for it!! I imagine many will follow suit.

I’m well in favour of this, I hate shopping at the best of times let alone for a child I don’t know.
A gift is easily going to cost a fiver anyway and I’d much prefer my children to receive a fiver to put toward something they will really value rather than something someone else is regifting or worse twice before we’ve had gifts with reduced stickers on and pieces missing stickers on and just plain age inappropriate gifts like at 8/9 receiving gifts aged 3-4 … to be honest I found that quite upsetting and of no thought to give someone something broken or not at all appropriate. I’ve always either asked what child would like or just gone with the trusty £5 note

We've done it the last 2 years for my son's 7th and 8th birthdays. Most parents seemed happy/relieved by it, and I found it less stressful. My son was happy to have some money to choose something later.

Yes I love this! Then at least you know the kid can choose something they want. I’d be happy as a parent to be asked this and I’d be happy to do it for my kids. Much better for the environment too!

We did that one year. We had an alien themed party and I put 'please don't worry about presents, we just want you to have fun at the party. If you'd really like to bring something then a pound coin or two in the alien's eyes would help towards some lego that DC wants'. I think the invites were a card with a pound coin shaped hole in the alien's eyes - or we had a model at the party, or something. Some people still gave presents but many gave a pound or two, and we avoided the problem of 30 craft sets.....

I wouldn't ask, it might make the wrong impression. But if any of the parents asks what kind of present your DC would like it would be fine to mention he's saving up for something special.

We’ve been doing this for years in my child’s class, one of parents whose child is attending sends a text providing her bank details of anyone wishes to contribute to the collection, most do and put in £10. Kids get to pick want they want.

As long as he’s getting a couple of presents from parents/relatives on his birthday then I think asking for a fiver/token is a very thoughtful thing to do. I live in a small village and my kids would get presents ranging from an IOU to an electric guitar!!! The IOU’s would always turn up a week later when the child benefit arrived ( despite saying my kids just wanted them to be at the party, which they did, but my kids would be thrilled .I don’t know if this was because their birthday had passed or they were really excited to about buying their own gift. Anyone want to buy an electric guitar? £4.99

Just don't be that parent!

I think it's a cheek asking for money for a child's birthday present. I'd have been very disappointed as a child if I hadn't received presents. I'm 78 and I've still got a book I was given on my 8th birthday. .

Yes. This. Regifting from the tat cupboard ? Is that isn’t CF-erry, then I don’t know what is.

No, if you go out of your way to say no gifts, it means just that. You don’t want a gift so please dont bring anything. We put it on our wedding invite and genuinely meant it.

If you want your guests to bring something, tell them. Don’t say one thing and expect them to interpret it another way. A ‘normal person’ interprets no gifts as no gifts, not ‘please give us cash but we are too cowardly to tell you that’

Cowardly is so extra LOL you got issues. Some people just be stingy straight up and that's it. And it definitely shows. Out of 500 guests and those few that just don't understand, clearly shows. And when I normal people means majority of people. Proof is in the pudding when I say the few that clearly just be completely gift less, out of 500. If you want to keep sticking up for that tiny minority you carry on. Because clearly you're one of those that are stingy and don't have a brain. Those 495 people get it, those 5 don't.

On of my children was invited to a party oncewjerethe mum said the ot didn’t want fotsbit would live a ski lesson so if we’d all like to contribution towards that it would be lovely. I can’t recall how it was worded but I was more than happy to put something towards that and not add to the crap I her house nobody wanted!!

A friend recently did this for her DD's 7th party. I initially thought she was depriving her DD of the joy of opening presents, but ultimately I loved it because it was one less present to buy! And I ended up spending much less than I typically would on a gift. So easy, and the birthday girl got to buy something she really wanted. I'm considering it for my DD next year.

Your good intentions might backfire. Also, it’s not your tat, it’s your child’s and they may enjoy receiving it. In my experience, lots of parents put cash in the card anyway without an overly-prescriptive instruction to do so.

I wouldn't ask directly for money but if asked I'd mention a voucher or a fiver because my dc is saving to buy an expensive skateboard. So a small contribution would be appreciated & most people are fine with this approach.

Yes all the kids I my sons class have done this. Which helps a lot when you have to invite up to 24 children to a party.
And we did the same for his. We said on the invite "your presence is present enough, but if you must, £5 in a card is more than enough" he got £80 and put 40 in savings and went to the toyshop and picked out toys with the other 40. Happy days.
Other invites have been alternative oems or just stated fiver fever.

I’ve been asked once by super wealthy parents to put a few pounds in for Tommy as he’s saving for a bike helmet. It was such a humble brag, of course he wasn’t saving up & he had so much stuff already. It was clear they didn’t want the usual party tat but that is the first time money was requested & they’ve been 100s of parties over the years. You could say “We have limited space please don’t buy a gift but £5 cash would be great’

This is a good point: as parents we might wince at the pile of stuff but kids love it and it's their birthday. (Albeit I would have no problem with being asked for a fiver.)

I think you are missing the point.
It's not about keeping kids happy by keeping this malarkey of opening boxes of tat that will end up in landfield straight away or regifted. Its about educating your own kids that change is needed.
And to only buy what you really need/want, followed by example.
They already opened presents from yourself family of something useful/ wanted. They don't need to do this with 20 other boxes for a 5 minute thrill.

There is no hope for climate change when people can't see this.

Why would it end up in landfill straight away? I encourage my children to value gifts and use / play with them. I don't buy lots throughout the year. The parental preoccupation that this is a pile of crap / tat says more about your own value judgment.

I don’t understand the tat thing either!
my children play with all their presents!!they always do the craft sets, use the stationary, read the books. We honestly have never had what I would describe as tat!