Has anyone tried the "£5 in a card" thing for DC's birthday party?

[astronewt]

8th birthday party approaches for DC, and I was thinking about messaging the attendees to suggest that, instead of presents, they could do £5 or an Amazon voucher or whatever in a card. I normally spend about £10-12 on a present for a party we're invited to, which seems to be about what other attendees spend too, so to my mind it would have the triple benefit of easing financial challenges on attendees, preventing piles of cheap tat, and allowing DC to choose one larger toy they like. Rest assured I will also make it clear that any gift at all is 100% optional.

I'm sure MN will have Opinions on the matter, though, so hit me up. Have you tried it? Would you try it? Did you just mentally cross me off your Christmas card list and clutch the pearls?

I never mentioned gifts at all on party invitations.

Some parents asked what dd wanted and I'd given them a couple of cheap ish ideas or suggested vouchers, etc. it also that nothing was expected. I only did this is someone specifically asked, never before.

I would never have written anything in an invitation though and we never received any invitation where gifts were mentioned. Except one - which said no gifts. Almost everyone then put money in a card as people feel uncomfortable turning up with nothing ime.

I have three DC. Do we need hundreds of pens/ notebooks/ plastic stuff/ bracelets/ earrings/ fluffy stuff to clutter the drawers? Nobody does.

Tat is mindless spending.
I like to keep my house clutter free and by extension the environment too.
When they were little I wanted them to be mindful if they want to buy something with their money to ask themselves: am I am going to use/like this for a long time?
Two of my kids and teens now and they are actually very mindful when buying stuff, and I feel actually very proud of them.

I think there is a bit of a balance. Of course children enjoy opening presents and if they only get one craft set, a book and a gardening kit then all is good. But if you do whole class parties for example, you will end up with more craft sets than any child can use. I took them to charity shops so they weren't wasted - but the year we asked for pound coins we ended up with a selection of some really well thought out presents, and also some useful cash from parents who preferred that option.

I also think - looking back - that if you must give something to open, you should take care to give something that you know will be well received. Craft kits are great but no-one needs 20! Consumables are good - cupcake kits, bath stuff, bubble kits, gardening seeds etc as they will be used up and then gone. Or if you know the child well then you can choose something a bit different - we have had some amazing things over the years. But a bog standard craft/paint/drawing set is probably just adding to the parents' piles of stuff!

The joy of being a child being taken away. No more presents to open.

@Teenagehorrorbag completely agree.

Do you not buy your child presents on their birthday? What about the rest of the family? They have presents to open. As @Teenagehorrorbag said, they don't need a pile of 20-30 from a class party.

We need to reframe our thinking. Ripping open wrapping paper on a big pile of presents is not the only joy of being a child. Their memories do not need to be the same as yours. Why can't the focus be having a wonderful party celebrating with all their friends around them? Birthday parties are stressful and expensive - it is our responsibility to teach them to appreciate the experience more than presents

Taking them to a toy shop with the cash they've been gifted would be a wonderful experience (if every child gave £1, they would have £20 which is more than enough for a young child) or when they get to buy whatever they are saving up for.

Our planet has absolutely no hope with these ridiculous opinions

Ha! I'm actually quite shocked that people find it rude asking for money. Many times I've requested money instead to contribute as my children wanted a something like a Switch. I always say, any contribution and never stipulated any amount. And in general, I give money instead of presents. Usually £10-20. More if family or close friends.

@prescribingmum I agree 100%
Our childhoods of mums in the 80s or even 90s was so different. Global warming was such a hypothetical future theat.
Kids in 2022 know what global warming is, that its happening now and something needs to be done right now. But some parents still hang onto their memories refusing to make the link. We are doomed as species.

Our childhoods of mums in the 80s or even 90s was so different. Global warming was such a hypothetical future theat.

Tbh, there are someone like me who grew up, it was already taught a threat in other countries, maybe not as serious as now, but still.
I remember in 90s that western people laughing at what we were already doing to minimise the climate change. I was on the bus, the bus had to turn off the engine everytime they are at the red light. There was english explanation as well why they are doing it, to let people know. I happened to understand English, and it made me furious they are laughing and calling people stupid, about people trying to make a small change by doing something to reduce emission.
So, no, I don't think mums in the 80s or 90s was different, they were uneducated back then, already.

So very rude, almost as rude as the wedding invites begging for cash towards their honeymoon.

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue that's very interesting. I grew up in the 80s- 90s (South of Europe) and back then we were very uneducated in relation to climate change.

@Rubyupbeat I really can't understand why is considered rude to say 'no need for gifts, but if you really like to bring something to DC, a few euros is more than enough'. I really mean when I say that. I cannot care less if a child does not bring anything to my DC birthday party. It's the company that matters. A 2 euro coin is perfect and nothing at all is owrfect too. A piece of regifted unwanted tat in a wrapped box is in my opinion, what shows no consideration to the environment and its certainly rude.

@girlswillbegirls my thoughts on the subject mirror yours - I just can't see how offence can be taken when you politely inform people not to bring anything but if they really insist on giving, please contribute towards savings for a new bike/scooter/swing etc.

I am genuinely astounded by the number of people who say that they are ashamed to give cash because people see the true value of it whereas they can pick up a gift on offer so it looks like they've spent more. How is it more important to give the perception of more spent on a mindless item than respecting the recipient's wishes?🙄(And in the process contributing to mass consumerism and waste.)

I do think it is the height of rudeness to write gifts are not required and then bitch about your guests when they follow your instructions like a PP has complained about. There should not be a hidden meaning - everyone has different cultural norms.

I would love for the current trend of bringing a gift to a birthday party and that of giving take home gifts to be eradicated entirely and the party to be solely about having fun, playing/activity and eating food. Sadly, I don't have the confidence to set about making this change in full but I request no gifts for my DC (and mean it), always ask other parents what their DC want to receive or give cash and give consumable items as take home gifts.

This is a really good thread, lots of interesting point of views. I was fully prepared to come on and say its very rude and grabby but the pp's talking about sustainability have a point. I loved the super organised class mums who rope all the november birthdays etc together. Brilliant idea! I think for me, inclusion is key so try and word any message with that in mind.

@prescribingmum and @girlswillbegirls thank you for your posts. Really well written. I agree100%

Update: after some thought, I decided to say only that no presents were needed.

I think it very much depends on cultural norms where you live, the age of the children, socio-economic background, what kind of party is being planned)how many kids are attending, your relationship to the bday kid etc.

But overall I wouldn't be remotely bothered to receive an invite politely suggesting £5 in a card and would think it simplified things. I've only once hosted a whole class party so haven't had to grapple with this really, but I'd definitely say that the presents received at that party weren't, on the whole, specific to my child, and a lot of them did end up at the charity shop as there were just too many big boxes to store. (There's definitely a trend around here to just go to B&M and buy the biggest thing possible for £5-10.)

On another note, "grabby" is a very MN word, isn't it? You only ever hear it on here - I don't think I've ever heard it in real life!

@prescribingmum I agree 100% will all you say. A birthday party should be ideally about the experience, having fun with the birthday child and not about receiving/ bringing gifts.
Thank you and @Lndnmummy, its great to see some people on the same page!
OP, well done, you might have started a new trend in your school group.