Has anyone tried the "£5 in a card" thing for DC's birthday party?

[astronewt]

8th birthday party approaches for DC, and I was thinking about messaging the attendees to suggest that, instead of presents, they could do £5 or an Amazon voucher or whatever in a card. I normally spend about £10-12 on a present for a party we're invited to, which seems to be about what other attendees spend too, so to my mind it would have the triple benefit of easing financial challenges on attendees, preventing piles of cheap tat, and allowing DC to choose one larger toy they like. Rest assured I will also make it clear that any gift at all is 100% optional.

I'm sure MN will have Opinions on the matter, though, so hit me up. Have you tried it? Would you try it? Did you just mentally cross me off your Christmas card list and clutch the pearls?

Yes or at least tell people of you accept contactless 😂

'No need to bring a present. However if you do want to, and you haven't already brought something, £5 in the card is always welcome as x is hoping to buy an x.' Even if the x is made up, just softens the msg!

The last party I did for DC I explained to him that money is tight for everyone and it would be best if we said that gifts weren't necessary. He totally got it and was quite happy with just having his party.

So we sent the invite out to that effect and he ended up with £60 of gift vouchers.

Instead why not message and say please do not spend more than X amount on gifts or no need to bring a gift, chocolates also welcome

Sorry didn't RTFT but v similar to what @PurplePetalPip said so second this approach! There is nothing here that might accidentally cause offence re money so I'd feel comfortable with this approach.

Don't ask for money. It's rude and grabby. Say no gifts if you don't want tat.

Obviously, I can.

So people regifting things like here
I only did it because my kid wouldn’t of liked what was bought, we already had it or I thought the present was just tat.

and here
many of the gifts that my dcs got were regifted from previous parties that the child had. Plastic crap, unsuitable books etc…

or having random pile of discounted objects in a cupboard, that is an ultimate display of taste and politeness.

yes I think it looks rude. and it's not even practical because cash can be stolen/blow away/mixed up with stuff. vouchers? fine

This is why I always put a post it note on the gift with the name of the child it was received from.

I would never ask for money, it’s crass. A parent at school did this once and well - let’s just say they only did it once! With my older ones, there does seem to have been a trend of giving money rather than a gift this year, or a voucher of some sort. They’ve been £10-20 though, £5 would be seen as really tight. The good thing about physical presents is you can get them in a sale and no one actually knows if you’ve paid full price. Adding a £5 to a card looks mean and last minute/thoughtless to me.

I’m imaging a parent waking round the soft play party with a contactless card machine 🤣

No - very rude. You don’t get to dictate what presents (if any) are given. Your DS should be grateful for the presents and thank the friend giving it.

If someone asked me for money I absolutely deliberately would not give it to them out of principle. They'd end up with a shit gift instead. Best to ask for nothing at all rather than dictate what people should be giving to your child.

But £5 is a stretch to a lot of people.

I would never think anyone was tight for giving £5. I would think that - or anything - was generous. I would never think anyone mean.

I have had to decline party invites for dc in the past as I just didn’t have the money for a small present.

Once when I put a £5 note in a card, I was shamed for it in front of the other parents. The child opened the card and handed it to his mother who looked at me and said (In front of everyone), “bloody hell Meg, hard month is it?” and looked at it as if I’d handed over a shit in a box.

DD was mortified.

And yes, it was a fucking hard month, always is.

Definitely don’t ask. Super rude.

For some parents who are really, really broke they might even re gift something or have found something cheaper in a charity shop that they were planning to give. Asking for money will make them feel excluded.

I put on the invites that presents weren't necessary, and about 3 people turned up without gifts. Usually everyone would have brought a gift so I'm hoping that it was due to what I put on the invite and helped them out a bit as cost of living is crazy atm. I wouldn't ask for money. Presence over presents.

When my boys were primary aged there was a tacit agreement among parents in both classes that everyone taped a £1 coin inside a card for birthdays (this was 15 years ago so inflationary increase needed!)

We were all really happy with this arrangement as it meant everyone was spending the same and the birthday child could choose one toy they really wanted rather than end up with lots of cheap plastic tat.

It’s rude it’s grabby and it would require me to get cash out and probably break a tenner- no!

It's not rude or grabby, it's better for the environment, saves time, dc can get something they want.

I would be well up for that BUT had 5yo party at the weekend and he got SO many great presents it made me feel really cheap!! I usually go around the £7 mark for school party presents but people were so generous I must have looked like a right cheap skate at all the parties we’ve been to! Probably £10-15 was average spend on DS’s presents I’d say. Need to up my game! Was surprised given the current climate.

I’d much rather people did a fiver in a card really because the party was Sunday and I’m still processing the packaging and finding places for the new toys. But would feel a bit awkward and dictatorial asking everyone to bung £5 in a card. Also it’s such an effort to get hold of a note these days! I never have cash.

This is years ago obviously in 1970s but DM was a single mother with not a lot of money - but good with whatever she had.

Gift cards/vouchers weren't really a thing then, or sometimes book tokens but more from the school etc.

I recall once going to a birthday party and giving an Alison Uttley (Little Grey Rabbit) book and another a lovely china pig painted money box with money inside.

She'd exchange books (small slim ones) for DC's Christmas presents with her other single parent friend.

One friend of mine in primary school at age 8/9, her parents were considered well off, she went to USA on holidays, they had Soda Stream, VHS player etc. Her best friend (male) because both mums were in hospital after giving birth was a lovely watch (child's one) which we thought very impressive! Her mum reciprocated though.

I would be fine with it too! They can get something they want rather than more stuff they don’t need and saves hassle of going to get something! I actually think it’s a great idea!!

This sounds good.

Around that age, I’ve tended to give cash too unless I knew the kids well and their parents had told me what they liked.

Someone recently worded this so well in an invitation and I’m kicking myself for not saving it.

I think if you frame it differently as:

’If you’re planning on bringing a gift but a bit strapped for time then feel free to pop a £5 in the card, or Amazon voucher, DS has his eye on something anyway! But the most important thing is you’re there to enjoy the day, DS will be so grateful to have you there’!

I don’t think there’s anything rude about it. Would save me the hassle of having to go out and get something 😂😂