No sandwich in daughter's lunchbox

[Banana7]

We sent DD age 3 to nursery with no sandwich in her lunchbox.
Stupid miscommunication between DH who does drop offs and myself.
I actually called during my lunch break to check if she had eaten her lunch as we suspect she doesn't eat much at all when she has school dinners. We thought packed lunches would help.
I had one of the managers on the phone :she has been very short with us in the past when we tried to raise what we thought were valid concerns about some issues regarding DD and the nursery.
The manager said that she had eaten all her lunch, thanks, bye now.
When I picked my daughter up tonight, she told me she had no sandwich in her lunchbox.
I realised her dad had sent her off without a sandwich.
Since then, I've been thinking about how no one at the nursery was concerned a child's lunch consisted of cucumber, grapes, 2 frubes and 2 baby biscuits...
If it had been me, and I'm a teacher (primary) I'd have rung the parents to check that's all they had given their child, and to offer to give the child a sandwich from school.
Am I being unreasonable thinking that's far from good practice?

This is such a weird thread:
Forgotten sandwich
Calling nursery with expectation that teachers should know exactly what was eaten
Outrage at two frubes
A ‘teacher’ using the word aggressivity……..
Hmmm

This.

But you'll know when you pick her up whether she'd eaten her lunch. You can't "address it" any earlier than when you get her home, anyway. No need for the advance info on what she's eaten, unless you'd plan to rush to the nursery with emergency rations.

🤣

So to sum up your Dh forgot to put sandwiches in child's lunch box. Child told you and you had a go at the nursery?

It was your & Dh's mistake, stop expecting everyone else to notice and fix it for you. It was a one off, focus on not doing that again.

There are some horrible replies in this thread. I'd be upset as a mother to think of my 3 year old sat there without a proper lunch and nobody noticing. Isn't ensuring a child eats a fundamental part of their care?

fwiw in our nursery and junior school they would notice if there wasn't a sandwich in a lunchbox when there was usually one or if a lunch looked inadequate, and would either mention it when you collected them or/and offer the DC something. That doesn't mean I think you should complain. It's just that yy I agree there are obvious differences across different settings.

Sometimes DCs are just so distracted (in a good, excited to be with other DCs way) that they don't eat as much at nursery. Just balance her intake through the rest of the day. My DC did eat lunch at nursery but they always ate on the way home too (we had a drive home and they were always hungry when they came out of nursery).

Also, OP just ignore the posters who hate mums. MN has an influx of them atm.

She’ll be fine. Just remember the sandwiches in future.

I think a previous poster was probably right in suggesting that you probably have other concerns about the setting too. Your child has a very long day away from you. All working parents will know the mixture of guilt and anxiety that comes with having to leave young children in the care of others. It is only natural to question whether their needs are being met. Communication with the setting is an obvious issue. You don’t get verbal feedback from a key worker as your child moves onto the after nursery provision. You probably don’t see or interact with other parents either to see how they feel about things. Are there other ways to share information? My daughter’s current nursery uploads snapshots to a portal; a previous nursery had a shared diary. As a teacher you will be aware of how time consuming even these initiatives are and how this time is time taken away from interaction with the children. As already said, trust in the setting is important. If your child appears happy , is progressing well in social, emotional and educational skills etc then I think you need to accept that on the whole the setting is meeting her needs. There will always be the odd thing a parent isn’t happy about; coming home with hardly any food eaten ; aprons not being worn for messy activities etc etc . If there are other issues ringing alarm bells you should trust your instincts and ask for a meeting to discuss your concerns. This will be tricky for you , if you are full time ,I know and that is probably why you phone when something is a concern. The nursery staff must find it difficult to deal with phone calls during the time when they are looking after children so their response may well be abrupt. Moving nursery may not be an option and would in any case be unsettling for your child. As a teacher you know how over worked and under pressure most educators are. Nurseries do not receive enough funding and find it difficult to recruit the right staff. They are closing at an alarming rate. Childcare provision in this country is too expensive and not financially rewarding for providers so we need to cut them some slack. I hope all turns out well for you.

We worry to much and promote anxiety as a good thing. She survived. She had food.

Mine never ate their sandwiches anyway. Our son went to great lengths to avoid eating his sandwich in a hall full of children chomping smelly offerings. Most ended up in his socks or pockets to avoid over zealous food police. Most children eat reasonably if provided with sufficient variety and a degree of control. It doesn’t have to be at a set time or with set foodstuffs.

You are being unfair. I wouldn’t expect nursery to inspect every child’s lunch every day although I’m sure they would if they were to suspect safeguarding issues. They likely thought your child had eaten it as you usually would send a sandwich.

On the other issue of her not eating the sandwich and being low weight I would try an alternative and stop giving so many sweet items. Even if they are small, a picky eater will always choose those high calorie treats over substantial meals. Would she eat pasta, wraps, sandwich thins, crackers, cheese, ham etc? You could try deconstructed sandwiches and see if she will eat them that way.

Your dd doesn't normally eat much of the nursery dinners.Therefore it's not unreasonable to assume that she would eat a small packed lunch.

Not all kids like sandwiches so would have a packed lunch with bits and bobs to graze from. It's not unreasonable to assume that your dd might be the same.

You packed 2 biscuits and 2 Frubes which would be considered unhealthy lunches in strict schools. A tablespoon of fromage frais like that has a tea spoon of sugar (which is why they are so popular with kids) Some nurseries and schools would lecture you on that choice but the nursery didn't. I've seen posts on here where a school or nursery has suggested what healthy packed lunches might contain and it never goes down well. People have what they consider valid reasons to pack what they do and don't like to be told that their judgement is wrong.

There is a school of thinking that some kids don't eat much because there's too much food and actually a small portion that they can finish is better for self esteem (and less waste)

I don't know how closely supervised lunches are but I'd imagine that the supervision is mainly practical like wiping up spills, helping open and close packaging etc The nursery nurse isn't wrong to say that she ate her lunch because she did.

I'm shocked at the amount of people saying OP is BU.
She forgot the sandwich, she's human. IT HAPPENS.
For the nursery manager to be so rude and not even make an attempt to see if that little girl had enough to eat is disgusting IMO.
OP, you are not wrong for being annoyed. I think the nursery is shit.

It's getting out of hand now. Seriously.

It's one day and one sandwich. Allow yourselves to make mistake. If this was regular then I'm sure the nursery would pick up on it.

If a child doesn't eat much at one meal, it's not a big deal.

You don't need to include a sandwich in a child's lunch. If the rest of the food is healthy and filling enough, then no need for there to be a sandwich specifically. This is likely why they didn't "notice" that there wasn't a sandwich. Never mind that they probably don't check what's in all the lunch boxes either, that's not their job. Just accept that a mistake was made on you / your husband's part by not including enough food that day, and move on.

I love that people are saying it's a big lunch. My 11 month old eats more than this

I don't think YABU

The PP who said this was ‘peak MN’ has it about right. Not sure what is more absurd, the OP fussing over one stupid oversight and expecting nursery staff to see it as a safeguarding issue, or some of those rude nasty people replying who say ‘how dare you expect staff to be at all observant, it’s not their job you know…’

Many years ago my registered blind friend got torn a strip by a power-mad primary school teacher for putting out-of-date yoghurts in her DD’s lunchbox. So these things can be an issue. (My friend split up with her useless, conniving husband a few years later and her DS was diagnosed with ASC at 18. It explained a lot of her problems).

I’m guessing that if you had intentionally sent a lunch of just grapes, fruit, and biscuits and the nursery called to ask if you’d omitted a sandwich, you’d be griping about that too.

Don't be at all surprised by the aggressive responses. I posted a nice, innocent post a few weeks ago and was bombarded by nastiness. This is MN after all 🤣🤣 a lot of lovely people on here, but some of the office bitches off on maternity lurk on here!

Agreed.

Two frubes = 8g of sugar. Two Ella's baby biscuits = 3.6g of sugar. So nearly 12g of sugar in those items.

It was one day OP so I wouldn't worry, they've probably seen much weirder and worse lunches than that so how were they to know. I wouldn't be phoning them everyday though, what's the point? Why not just see what she's eaten when she's got home. They can't force her to eat it so I don't know what you expect them to do if you decide she hasn't eaten enough.

I think for your own sanity and the pressure that you're probably putting on your 3 year and yourself to eat is not going to help. Step back and chill she only 3. You and your husband forgot the sandwich no big deal. The Nursery hasn't done anything wrong.