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Original poster

No sandwich in daughter's lunchbox

222 replies

Banana7 · 02/11/2022 21:50

We sent DD age 3 to nursery with no sandwich in her lunchbox.
Stupid miscommunication between DH who does drop offs and myself.
I actually called during my lunch break to check if she had eaten her lunch as we suspect she doesn't eat much at all when she has school dinners. We thought packed lunches would help.
I had one of the managers on the phone :she has been very short with us in the past when we tried to raise what we thought were valid concerns about some issues regarding DD and the nursery.
The manager said that she had eaten all her lunch, thanks, bye now.
When I picked my daughter up tonight, she told me she had no sandwich in her lunchbox.
I realised her dad had sent her off without a sandwich.
Since then, I've been thinking about how no one at the nursery was concerned a child's lunch consisted of cucumber, grapes, 2 frubes and 2 baby biscuits...
If it had been me, and I'm a teacher (primary) I'd have rung the parents to check that's all they had given their child, and to offer to give the child a sandwich from school.
Am I being unreasonable thinking that's far from good practice?

OP posts:
sanityisamyth · 03/11/2022 06:15

GrazingSheep · 02/11/2022 23:09

Hopefully the grapes were cut up?

This is what I keep thinking!

misses the point ... as it's pointless!

autienotnaughty · 03/11/2022 06:16

The key here is you are not getting a proper handover at pick up. I'd speak to manager and explain you would like to know how your daughter is at end of day, that's not unreasonable. The sandwich is a mistake and I wouldn't necessarily expect nursery to notice as they have a lot of kids to serve lunch to.

Misspacorabanne · 03/11/2022 06:32

I get your worries, but the manager answered correctly that yes she had eaten her lunch.... But could you not just have saved a call and just checked the lunch box when it arrived back home? I don't think kids necessary need a sandwich, I sometimes do cucumber, carrot sticks hummus, and crackers for my picky eater, plus fruit.
Don't worry about it op! I don't think it's needs to be an issue.

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Hugasauras · 03/11/2022 06:32

I called the nursery almost daily to check if my 3yr old had eaten for first 6 months!

You have end-of-day debrief and photos and updates sent during day and you rang them almost every day for six months? Confused why didn't you just ask at pick-up?! Weird.

Waspo · 03/11/2022 06:38

But can you imagine if that was what you had decided to send for lunch and her nursery called and said "why isn't there a sandwich?". I work in day nurseries and the staff are so busy they don't have time to wonder if little Mary should have had a sandwich in her lunch or whether mummy thinks yoghurt and biscuits count. Perhaps they assume that is a snack you send alongside the lunch they provide. Perhaps they were so busy with everything else they were just happy hour child was sitting and eating.

What would you have done if your child's keyworker had called you and said there's no sandwich? Run down there with a sandwich?

SeasonaIVag · 03/11/2022 06:39

Banana7 · 02/11/2022 22:07

Wow, I wasn't expecting so much agressivity! I know we were idiots here, I fully admit it.
However, my concern as a teacher would be that the child doesn't seem to have a proper lunch and to at least check with the parents.
I don't call the nursery every day, that's probably the first time in 6 months actually. It's perfectly acceptable to ask the nursery if my child has eaten her lunch :we don't see any keyworkers when we pick our DD in the evening (it turns into an after school club after 3.20 pm), and never know if she's eaten, or what's she's been up to. I should know if my child eats at lunchtime when she's only 3, because I can then address the issue if that's not the case. She has very long days at nursery and should have enough food to keep her going. She's a very picky eater and we're concerned about her weight which is low for her age.

Show quote history

AGGRESSIVITY?

there’s no way you’re a teacher

and if you lied about that, then this is all bollox probably

marvellousmaple · 03/11/2022 06:45

Thank you @SeasonaIVag . The "aggressivity " has been annoying the feck out of me for hours but I figured maybe it was an English thing so didn't mention it.
OP the word you are looking for is " aggression" - the noun form of aggressive.

Tinytigertail · 03/11/2022 06:45

OneFootintheRave · 03/11/2022 00:30

This is the quality content I log onto MN for 😀

I'm here for it!

IWishICouldDance · 03/11/2022 06:54

We have fussy children, they are now 4 and 6 but the school has a nursery so they started at age 3. We send packed lunches for 2 reasons 1 we can make sure the food in there is something they like and 2 we can see what they've eaten when they come home as we can see what is gone. Even when they were 3 we didn't need to ask anyone what did they eat, I wouldn't expect them to be able to tell me when there are 30 of them, what are they meant to do go around and write it down? It isn't like sending a small baby to nursery where the ratios are much smaller and they have a key worker. I'd have rang up to ask them to give her a school lunch if I forgot to pack a sandwich personally, they usually have extra sandwiches in case anyone forgets their packed lunch. It was you at fault here though not nursery.

stayathomer · 03/11/2022 07:09

If I saw two of anything I would just think you were looking to try an alternative to bread

HalfWower · 03/11/2022 07:18

Dollydea · 02/11/2022 21:59

You call the nursery to check she's eaten her lunch? Imagine if every child in your class had their parent calling you up to check they'd eaten their lunch?

Get a grip.

Ha ha yes, as if they've got the time for that.

If your child can tell you there wasn't a sandwich then I'm pretty sure she can tell her nursery nurse.

Vallmo47 · 03/11/2022 07:20

YABU OP. This was a miscommunication between you and your husband and as a one off it’s not for nursery to ring round to every parent whose child might be missing an item from their lunch. Like others have said, they look for patterns bod behaviour. Your child didn’t starve but if she’s underweight you need to make absolute sure you have packed what she needs.
I’m surprised you work as a primary teacher yourself but think there‘s time for the staff to be supervising everything and know specifically what every child has eaten. I volunteered as a dinner lady and there’s no way I had time to see every single child’s every last thing - do you understand how many kids there are per adult?? I did notice patterns over time however and once I’d become concerned reported it’s to child’s teacher (who wasn’t even present during lunches, it’s their break also).

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 03/11/2022 07:22

My 8 year old refuses all sensible lunch items, so he goes in with 3 types of fruit (eg. Melon, blueberries, grapes) and either a piece of buttered toast or a small handful of some kind of crisps... often half of it comes back home too.

He's had breakfast, he'll have dinner when he gets back, and probably a snack before bed, he just doesn't seem to get that hungry in the day.

purfectpuss · 03/11/2022 07:28

YABU on lots of accounts.

Firstly, to ring a nursery to ask if a child has eaten their lunch is ridiculous- what were you going to do anyway if they had said no? Run down and force feed her it?

Secondly, in a room full of small children all eating their lunch at the same time and the staff helping open packets, take lids off drinks, and all the other organisational tasks during a nursery lunch, it's not unusual for staff to not see exactly what your daughter had when she opened her lunch box- they probably assumed that she had eaten her sandwich already by the time they looked at her.

And if you give her so any extras to her lunch she's probably going to be full if she eats them before her sandwich. Too many parents worry about children not eating much lunch- unless she's underweight then it's not really important as she's eating more at other times to make up for it.

Maytodecember · 03/11/2022 07:31

Dollydea · 02/11/2022 21:59

You call the nursery to check she's eaten her lunch? Imagine if every child in your class had their parent calling you up to check they'd eaten their lunch?

Get a grip.

This.
No one died. Next time you or DH make her a sandwich.

Soontobe60 · 03/11/2022 07:35

Banana7 · 02/11/2022 22:07

Wow, I wasn't expecting so much agressivity! I know we were idiots here, I fully admit it.
However, my concern as a teacher would be that the child doesn't seem to have a proper lunch and to at least check with the parents.
I don't call the nursery every day, that's probably the first time in 6 months actually. It's perfectly acceptable to ask the nursery if my child has eaten her lunch :we don't see any keyworkers when we pick our DD in the evening (it turns into an after school club after 3.20 pm), and never know if she's eaten, or what's she's been up to. I should know if my child eats at lunchtime when she's only 3, because I can then address the issue if that's not the case. She has very long days at nursery and should have enough food to keep her going. She's a very picky eater and we're concerned about her weight which is low for her age.

Show quote history

But not concerned enough to make sure she has enough food in the first place!

  1. you can tell how much food your dd has eaten by looking at whats left in her bag when she comes home
  2. the teachers will not have the time to check every child’s food intake at lunch time - they will be having their own lunch or prepping for the afternoon (which as a teacher you should be all too aware of)
  3. Lots of children dont have sandwiches in their bags - ours have all sorts of weird and wonderful things!
  4. you need to relax!
inappropriateraspberry · 03/11/2022 07:37

I'm sure if they thought a child was missing some food and still hungry they have snacks to top up. Then they'd tell you at pick up. No need for calls during the day.as a teacher, would you like it if parents called you during the day to check if their child had eaten their lunch, or passed the spelling test?

notanothertakeaway · 03/11/2022 07:49

whatdoyouthinkhonestly · 02/11/2022 23:01

Personally, I would expect them to have checked with parents re this. For some children a poor lunch can be a safeguarding/wider issue indicative of home life. Not always, but sometimes and worth checking on. Especially if all other children have decent lunches and she was having some yoghurt , biscuits and veg.

Also, maybe you need to do quality control. Someone makes the lunch and other parent double checks.

Or can you have her get the nursery lunch? Or go to one that provides it

@whatdoyouthinkhonestly

I agree that lack of food CAN be a sign of neglect / poverty, but surely if it's a one off, you'd just assume the family had run out of bread

GetThatHelmetOn · 03/11/2022 07:50

Good grief… you have a fussy child and you sent in an inadequate lunch, they would have assumed that’s what you wanted to eat that day.

Unless they have a crystal ball, how would they know you both forgot to put a sandwich???

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/11/2022 07:52

Why are you blaming the nursery? Is your DH an idiot?

sjxoxo · 03/11/2022 07:53

giggling here at the absolute outrage on this thread about your DD having TWO FRUBES AND TWO BISCUITS!! Of course she can have drives and biscuits. Ridiculous!

Its just a mistake op.. I don’t think a sandwich makes a world of difference! Yea but I get the impression you don’t have a lot of faith in this nursery and their staff… I would look at finding somewhere you feel more confident with. You don’t have to tolerate somewhere you think is below par which I think is how you feel about this one..

spiderontheceiling · 03/11/2022 07:53

When DD went through a fussy eating stage at pre-school, we went through a stage of purposefully giving her small lunches just with things she liked in there so that she could get over the whole eating with friends thing which seemed to be one of the issues. Then we built up to giving her more things. No doubt nursery workers have seen others do that and, knowing your DD is a fussy eater and slight, might have thought that that was supposed to be her lunch.

fifi1989 · 03/11/2022 07:56

Honestly shocked at the replies on this thread. Fucking hell. Utterly bitchy.

SundownOnTheStair · 03/11/2022 07:57

inappropriateraspberry · 03/11/2022 00:17

Agressivity? Is that a word?
Meh, if they had concerns they wouldn't be calling you at lunch time, but would probably mention something at pick up.

No, it's not.
The word is, "aggression".
I'm down-hearted that the OP doesn't know this, as she identifies herself as a teacher in the opening post.

Streamingbannersofdawn · 03/11/2022 07:57

I work in early years and a lot of children dont like sandwiches...I don't either. I am at great pains to point out they aren't obligatory and I don't judge. Because of this we get, pasta salad, crackers and cheese, deconstructed sandwiches (amazing how many children will eat bread and ham but not together).

I could not get worked up about a child's parents forgetting a sandwich...I'd just make them some toast. I've had parents forget entire lunches before. We managed.

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