No sandwich in daughter's lunchbox

[Banana7]

We sent DD age 3 to nursery with no sandwich in her lunchbox.
Stupid miscommunication between DH who does drop offs and myself.
I actually called during my lunch break to check if she had eaten her lunch as we suspect she doesn't eat much at all when she has school dinners. We thought packed lunches would help.
I had one of the managers on the phone :she has been very short with us in the past when we tried to raise what we thought were valid concerns about some issues regarding DD and the nursery.
The manager said that she had eaten all her lunch, thanks, bye now.
When I picked my daughter up tonight, she told me she had no sandwich in her lunchbox.
I realised her dad had sent her off without a sandwich.
Since then, I've been thinking about how no one at the nursery was concerned a child's lunch consisted of cucumber, grapes, 2 frubes and 2 baby biscuits...
If it had been me, and I'm a teacher (primary) I'd have rung the parents to check that's all they had given their child, and to offer to give the child a sandwich from school.
Am I being unreasonable thinking that's far from good practice?

Seems poster's are missing the point, a very young child's mother is concerned about her health and well being.

Why is this a blame game?

Also a teacher but I wouldn't contact the parents if it was a one off, only if I noticed a pattern. As a one off I would assume they had run out of bread or something that morning.

So you get photos and videos throughout the day and a debrief when you pick up, but still called almost every day for 6 months?!

Don't you realise you're actually compromising the quality of the care they can provide your kid, and other kids, while you're tying them up with crap like this?

@Banana7 YANBU at all. I am disheartened by the responses on this thread. I worked in Childcare (what you call Nursery) for over 10 years.

The reality is that plenty of parents make mistakes or forget to bring something in like their child’s lunch. It really isn’t that uncommon because nobody is perfect, getting young children out of the house on time can be quite challenging.

Regardless of what personal opinions you have of parents you have a legal Duty of Care to meet the needs of every child who is in your care while they are at your centre.

The way they spoke to you was extremely unprofessional, rude and disrespectful. Not communicating with you about the lack of enough food for your daughter was a failure in their Duty of Care. They know parents can make mistakes. They should have asked you and they should have found a way to provide her with additional food and discussed it with you.

And before anyone tells me that the nursery staff have already got too much on their plates, I’ve worked in the industry long enough to call bullshit. Caring for and providing for individual children’s needs along with the whole group needs is part of your job as is communicating effectively and respectfully with parents. If you can’t do that, leave the industry because you are not suitable for it.

You are being unbelievably unreasonable.

if your child is a picky eater then that is even more reason to double down at home and make sire she has the lunch you want her to eat.

it is a nursery setting - they can’t possibly call all parents to check whether someone forgot a sandwich or not.

if you are unhappy with the setting then detail that or remove your child - you are coming across badly. Weight issues - speak to your GP or HV or deal with it at home. Sandwich you and your husband forgot - deal with it at home! Honestly try to maintain some perspective.

YABVU.

FWIW I had parents who rang every day because it’s part of the job. Parents are reassured that they are welcome to call us and check how their child is doing. At enrolment parents are invited to.

It is very reasonable to understand how difficult it is to leave your very young child with other people you don’t know very well.

No care is being compromised by parents involvement in their child's care.

Im shocked at how so many of you are so happy to leave you kids at nursery and accept they are too busy to update you on your children's day.

Nursery duty of care to feed young kids, have enough staff, be attentive to kids lunch box content....

Since when did staff shortage excuses, trump good childcare?

I would never send my baby girl to nursery where staff attitudes are so poor.

my concern as a teacher would be that the child doesn't seem to have a proper lunch
It’s a shame that as a parent you don’t direct so much concern into the same thing, isn’t it?

I don't call the nursery every day, that's probably the first time in 6 months actually
What a strange coincidence that you did on the day you happened to drop the ball. Out of interest, how do you find out every other day what your child has/hasn’t eaten? Because you say this is important for you to know, and isn’t possible at handover?

She has very long days at nursery and should have enough food to keep her going
Oh the irony…

Would you send her in without a proper lunch?

Come on, she made a mistake. She feels awful, she even called the nursery, they were being technical and said all the lunch was eaten.

Had they even noticed a missing sandwich?
That's part of the op concern

Poor kid,

Unless it’s compulsory to include a sandwich in a packed lunch how are the staff supposed to know it was missing? Some children don’t like sandwiches.

True.

I wondered if she had one everyday.

I don't believe you check every student's lunch for appropriateness daily. By the time you've checked the first half of the class, the second half may have eaten much of what they came with. You're a teacher, not a magician.

You need to remember your daughter's sandwiches.

And she did send enough snacks

Even if it weren't 'proper'

3yr olds calorie intake is measured over the week rather then per meal.

So op maybe your being too harsh on yourself and the nursery for a one off situation...

Would you little one not say she is hungry? (only in the last couple of weeks mine started telling me 'I'm hungry' - it's music to my ears!)

At nursery they have 'feeders' my daughter tells me, one per table.

So they do see the lunch boxes, they open them up for the little ones, set them out.
When I give her a flash, they'll empty it into a bowl too.

They are very young.

Flask*

she has been very short with us in the past when we tried to raise what we thought were valid concerns about some issues regarding DD and the nursery

Possibly because of the previous they were reluctant to contact you ? Honestly a nursery does not have the time to field phone calls from every child's parent to enquire as to if they have eaten their lunch! Perhaps you need a nanny at home on a one to one.

It actually is a common mistake. Parents do not do it deliberately. And it doesn’t mean they don’t care about their children because they forgot to pack the sandwich in their lunchbox or there was a miscommunication between two parents.

It’s not the same thing as sitting down to lunch and not caring that the child hasn’t enough food.

And yes being such young children, nursery staff do sit with the children and assist during meal times.

OK, I think you are being given a hard time. It was not the school's fault they won't have time to ring parents about missing sandwiches. With kindness I think you are projecting op, I get it I really do I've been there with a picky eater/underweight child so understand your frustration and anxiety around this. It's not reasonable to expect the school to ring about packed lunches however you could explain to them the issues your having with dd, that you are concerned about her weight and ask that a food diary be sent home every day just a few lines to say if she has eaten much etc. Would that be a possibility? Don't beat yourself up over the sandwich these things happen sounds like she had enough. X

Your daughter had eaten her lunch - as inadequate and unbalanced as it was - but she had eaten it. The manager was correct. You should be directing your anger elsewhere.

“I should know if my child eats at lunchtime when she's only 3-“.

Yes and you can ask when you collect her. I’d introduce cheese, full fat yogurt, peanut butter, chicken, beans etc into her diet. I’m not trained in child nutrition! May get flamed 🫣 I’d also take her to the G.P if worried.

So concerned that this s he firiin 6 months that she's rung them, I don't think so

OP - what were you going to do if she hadn't eaten the lunch? How would knowing alter anything?

It’s not the nursery’s job to ensure that a sandwich is placed in your child’s lunchbox? I don’t feed my children sandwiches very often and I’d be fairly shocked if someone phoned me to ask if I’d forgotten to include it. You mentioned that you are concerned your child doesn’t eat much - maybe they assumed you deliberately gave her a smaller lunch as she doesn’t have a big appetite and food was being wasted? It’s really not a big deal. It’s not the nursery’s fault that your husband doesn’t even know what his child should have in her lunchbox!

Peak Mumsnet.

from OP and from PP.

🤣