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Original poster

What happens if he doesn’t want the kids?

348 replies

AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 17:56

I am not a fan of Christmas. I am also divorced and this year have decided to take my kids (all tween) away for the 2 weeks before Christmas. They get back on 21st and the plan was that they go straight to their Dads till Dec 30th. So he has them over Christmas and as it happens one birthday. I am going to see some relatives whilst they’re away. All good.

Today he’s announced via one of the kids that he thinks it’s “only fair” that I have them over the hols as he had them for Christmas past year too. This squarely fucks my plans, which is what I think he had hoped for. His ideal is that he sees the kids for the minimum amount of time and throws money and sweets at them and sends them home. Except this time I won’t be here.

If I’m not here then there’s nothing he can do, is there?
For context he decided to move an hour away. It expects me to do half the driving, and pays the minimal child support and calls anything above his 52 nights “doing an extra”. He has them an average of 3 nights a month. It’s meant to be EOW.

He can’t call social care and tell them I’m a rotten mother by my not being here when he’s had enough, can he? That’s effectively what he’s threatened.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 26/10/2022 17:59

I think you were rash to unilaterally assume that was the plan.

NoYouSirName · 26/10/2022 17:59

Why would you not want to have your kids at Christmas? Never mind what could he do, you’d let them know you’re not changing your plans to spend it with them if their dad doesn’t want them?

WeAreAllDead · 26/10/2022 17:59

So you want him to have your children for the entirety of Christmas every year? Because you’re not a fan of Christmas? How nice for your children that you can’t be arsed to put in any effort for them

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Wafflefudge · 26/10/2022 18:00

Did you agree this with your ex before making your plans?
EOY for Xmas seems a reasonable assumption unless something else was agreed.
Poor kids must feel a bit unwanted at this point.

Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:00

NoYouSirName · 26/10/2022 17:59

Why would you not want to have your kids at Christmas? Never mind what could he do, you’d let them know you’re not changing your plans to spend it with them if their dad doesn’t want them?

I don’t like Christmas. I think it’s overcommericalised crap and their expectations are sky high. Their dad has money to burn which I don’t and the last time I had them over Christmas they complained bitterly, so I said right I’ll take you on hols and that’s your Christmas present which they all agreed to.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 26/10/2022 18:01

Who decided on the plan? It sounds like you told him this was happening and he's said no?

Just because the court says he can have the kids eow doesnt mean he's forced to do it. It just means you can't stop him.

How do you two communicate generally, email or phone? Is there a paper trail?

Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:02

WeAreAllDead · 26/10/2022 17:59

So you want him to have your children for the entirety of Christmas every year? Because you’re not a fan of Christmas? How nice for your children that you can’t be arsed to put in any effort for them

No effort? We are going diving for the two weeks before it - lovely hotel and sunshine, doing their favourite things!

OP posts:
Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:03

Pixiedust1234 · 26/10/2022 18:01

Who decided on the plan? It sounds like you told him this was happening and he's said no?

Just because the court says he can have the kids eow doesnt mean he's forced to do it. It just means you can't stop him.

How do you two communicate generally, email or phone? Is there a paper trail?

Relations are tense. He agreed in principle to 21st onwards, when we were sorting things out in summer.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:03

By email

OP posts:
Indigokitten · 26/10/2022 18:04

AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:02

No effort? We are going diving for the two weeks before it - lovely hotel and sunshine, doing their favourite things!

Show quote history

How does this even work for taking your children out of school for 2 weeks in term time?
Strange that you don’t want to see them at Xmas at all tbh

Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:05

Their school is private and they have shorter terms and do Saturday school so they break up earlier.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 26/10/2022 18:09

So how many of his 52 nights will he have done? If he's that picky about the numbers, I'd remind him.

Also perhaps remind the children they have a great time at Dad's for Christmas and don't want to miss out by having a boring Christmas with you.

However, importantly, you need to stay relaxed about it. Getting wound up will upset your DC and gratify the ex. It does nothing good. Take a breath, walk away, and deal with it later.

Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:11

I need to tot up his nights. He has them for a week or so over summer to get his numbers up.

OP posts:
TooShyShyShhh · 26/10/2022 18:11

right I’ll take you on hols and that’s your Christmas present which they all agreed to

If you told them that was their present it’s not like they could say ‘no thank you, I’d rather have a cd, new phone & a jacket from river island instead’ is it?

poor kids.

Starlightstarbright1 · 26/10/2022 18:12

Poor kids.. no one wants them at Christmas.

If you can afford 2 weeks diving /private school you can afford Christmas. There are people who won't be cooking a dinner because they can't afford it. Won't have heat.. you can make Christmas cheap and cheerful

Tomanycarrots · 26/10/2022 18:12

I’m wondering if this is a reverse or troll

Because I can’t get my head around not one, but both parents not giving a shit about their kids & at Christmas

ZeroFuchsGiven · 26/10/2022 18:13

The pair of you sound disgraceful Your poor kids, do you think they dont pick up on the fact that neither parent actually wants them?

Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:14

Starlightstarbright1 · 26/10/2022 18:12

Poor kids.. no one wants them at Christmas.

If you can afford 2 weeks diving /private school you can afford Christmas. There are people who won't be cooking a dinner because they can't afford it. Won't have heat.. you can make Christmas cheap and cheerful

I can’t afford 3 x VR and PlayStation 5 which is what they’ve asked for! They just want tech which is more there Dad’s thing anyway.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 26/10/2022 18:16

AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:14

I can’t afford 3 x VR and PlayStation 5 which is what they’ve asked for! They just want tech which is more there Dad’s thing anyway.

Show quote history

But you can afford private school and 2 weeks diving holiday?

Yeah, you are talking shit. 2/10

Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:17

ZeroFuchsGiven · 26/10/2022 18:13

The pair of you sound disgraceful Your poor kids, do you think they dont pick up on the fact that neither parent actually wants them?

What???? I have no idea why you could even find that as a conclusion. I have them ALL the time with the exception of the massive 3 nights a month they see him. I am devoted to them, he won’t even do parents evening, or a school play or football or anything. And I’m taking them all away on hols too! Christ I don’t know what else I can do! They have every second of my life because their father does pretty much fuck all. I’m knackered!

OP posts:
Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:18

ZeroFuchsGiven · 26/10/2022 18:16

But you can afford private school and 2 weeks diving holiday?

Yeah, you are talking shit. 2/10

Show quote history

Holiday is a cheapie staying at a mate’s place and we get cheap flights out of school hols obv. School is bursaried.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:18

TooShyShyShhh · 26/10/2022 18:11

right I’ll take you on hols and that’s your Christmas present which they all agreed to

If you told them that was their present it’s not like they could say ‘no thank you, I’d rather have a cd, new phone & a jacket from river island instead’ is it?

poor kids.

If that was the sort of thing they wanted then I’d happily supply it!

OP posts:
Original poster
AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 18:20

Anyway my question was, what if he tries to bring them back and I’m not here?

OP posts:
hassletassle · 26/10/2022 18:21

Anyway my question was, what if he tries to bring them back and I’m not here?

They will be very sad because neither parent wants them for Christmas.

nickelbabe · 26/10/2022 18:23

Oh I can guarantee tthat if you were the dad and non-resident parent, every answer would be that of course you should hhave your children for the Christmas holiday after mum has taken them away for a holiday.

I think YANBU. If you don't like Christmas aand your kids know it, then it makes more sense to go to their dad's. And why isn't he pleased to have them for that time! They're his kids too!