Is this the new thing re parties and weddings.

[Cookiemonstersnana]

Last week we received a wedding invitation for the end of January.
On the invite it's asking us to pay for our food. £100 each. It's worded
as though they are doing us a favour as it's only £200. Plus asking us for
money for their honeymoon.

Then in the post this morning is an invite to a significant birthday for one of DHs
friends and this says there won't be a buffet but there will be a van outside where
we can BUY a pizza.
Both of these events is where we purchase our own drinks.

Wow. I've never heard of this before. But I guess times are tough. If I couldn't afford to feed my wedding guests I think I would just have a small wedding or save up a bit longer. Super cheeky to ask you to contribute!

Fuck that shit. £200 a head for wedding food? Wtf are they serving! No way would i pay AND send money for the honeymoon, so rude to ask guests to spend this much.

You can just decline the invite.

I have never received an invitation like that, definitely normal to buy your own drinks from the bar though. The last wedding we went to we had a glass of prosecco or juice on the terrace before the reception, one glass of wine and a glass of champagne with the meal.

I wouldn’t pay £200 on top of all the other costs of attending a wedding.

@Colderthanever don't worry we have turned down the wedding.

But need to speak to DH this evening re his friends birthday party.

God please share the wording!?

Party, depending on the venue - if you went out in town you wouldn't expect the birthday boy to pay for your end of the night mcdonalds. Though nor would you send out formal invites for that sort of night so maybe I'll get off the fence

£100 sounds like a lot, especially when the guests aren’t the ones choosing the menu.

I suppose at least they’re making it clear on the invite rather than springing it on guests at the last minute.

Genuinely never heard of this. I’d say that of the weddings in our circle (we’re mid 30s and have had a lot in the past few years even around covid):

• gifts - probably about 50% ask for cash, 25% have a gift list for actual stuff, 25% make no mention
• drinks - maybe 15% have had a fully free bar for wine and beer, 75% have a tab for a portion of the evening, 10% just provided wine for the table and then bar was paid all day
• Food - 60% plated meal, 30% buffet, 10% pizza vans etc - but at no point have I ever been expected to pay!

I don't have a problem with people paying for their own food at weddings. I think it's fair enough and could be an arrangement instead of a gift. But I wouldn't expect this to surpass £40 and the cost of the wedding cake should not be factored in.

The purchase your own pizza thing is a nice idea. I would rather do this and go to three times as many birthday parties and weddings. It's just ridiculous that the bride and groom are expected to pay for everything. We're in a day and age now where often financial help from the family is not available.

No. I wouldnt say normal

I've never heard of that. Sounds awful. If you can't afford to feed your guests then don't have any.

Simply decline.
Buying drinks at a bar is the norm where I live, however that’s after being given a drink on arrival, canapés, drink when cutting the cake, 2+ glasses of wine with the 4 course meal, drink for the toasts, tea/coffee tablet/truffles then evening buffet, tea/coffee and cake! The last wedding we attended had a sweetie bar too!

Is it an amazing banquet for £100 each?! Totally out of order

I can sort of understand the party, as so much food goes to waste and that way you can eat before you go. But it’s still a bit strange.

Although re the drinks, almost every wedding I’ve been to have been ones where guests get maybe one or two free drinks with the meal or for the toasts, and then purchase the rest of their own drinks.

The wedding thing is a piss take. If you can't afford that many people then don't invite them. To ask people to pay £100 a head PLUS a gift of cash is bonkers and I'd hate to enable the entitled couple.

The birthday party isn't such a big deal. You might only be there a few hours (as opposed to a wedding all day) so could eat before you go and there's no expectation that you have to pay for pizza just to attend.

Fucking hell, I hope not.

For a birthday it’s fair enough. People often invite others to join them for a birthday meal at their own expense and it’s a non issue.

£100 for mass catering food that you don’t even get to choose yourself, fuck that! No way would I attend a wedding for people who expect their guests to pay for their fancy wedding for them.

Glad you’ve declined the wedding. For the birthday party, I’ve been to evening dos with no food put on, beyond a few nibbles, so wouldn’t mind that as much as long as it’s timed late enough to grab food at home first/ go for an early dinner before joining for drinks.

The party is fair enough, eat before going, in fact I prefer it if they are clear on if there is food or not - but the wedding is very cheeky

I have heard of the pizza van one before but not the wedding one ! How cheeky ! They should either save up or cut down not asks guests to pay

Potentially, I wouldn't mind paying for my own food if I was ordering it as I would in a restaurant. I wouldn't pay a flat rate of £100 for something mass-catered.

The wedding couple sound like a pair of swindlers. They're hoping to be toasting one another on honeymoon saying 'we're so clever, babe, we turned a profit on our wedding!'.

And the significant birthday sounds shit. 'Come to my 50th! But we won't be providing any drinks or food'.

Eh, nope.

The wedding is horrific! No way is the food alone costing £100, that must be to sub the entire thing. And plus the expectation of a cash gift. The CFs clearly have no shame.

The birthday party sounds more casual and by the sounds of it there’s zero obligation to have the pizza. I’d be fine with that.

I don't think I've ever been for a meal that was £100 a head - there is no way I'd pay that and they are complete CFs.

The birthday one is still a bit iffy if you ask me - if it's formal enough to arrange a pizza van / properly cater then I'd expect host's to pay.

I’m not so fussed about the birthday, if you went out for a birthday meal or night out then you’d pay for your food.
Personally I’d supply a buffet / food but I don’t find that as weird as the wedding. That is batshit and I wouldn’t be attending either!