Is this the new thing re parties and weddings.

[Cookiemonstersnana]

Last week we received a wedding invitation for the end of January.
On the invite it's asking us to pay for our food. £100 each. It's worded
as though they are doing us a favour as it's only £200. Plus asking us for
money for their honeymoon.

Then in the post this morning is an invite to a significant birthday for one of DHs
friends and this says there won't be a buffet but there will be a van outside where
we can BUY a pizza.
Both of these events is where we purchase our own drinks.

Wedding... cheeky. No way round it. Go for a cheaper venue or less guests.

Birthday... perfectly normal to invite people out for drinks or meal where people pay for their own. Invite people over to your house, you pay, although people will usually bring drinks. Private venue with catering... thats on you. Pay bars normal though.

Please share wording.

not normal at all

I expect they have been quoted £100 per head for the whole reception and they are trying to pass that cost on to their guests.

The pizza thing is fine - no different really to going out for a meal where you all go Dutch. You could eat at home and not bother with a pizza in that situation.

They probably want an Instagram wedding without having to pay for it. It's tacky to invite wedding guests and not feed them, (let alone charge so much)provide at least drinks on arrival and for the toast. If you can't afford it you don't have a flash wedding. I'd turn this down.
The Birthday party wouldn't bother me so much but every event I've been to with a burger or pizza van the queues have been awful but they have been paid for by the host.

£100 per head

but I've been to lots of weddings and wouldn't pay £100 per head for any of the food.

happy to give them £££ towards Honeymoon. Obviously once given they can spend it on what they like. But not giving them £100 per head & a decent amount for Honeymoon.

Birthday - as friends, we always pay our own way or split the bill, the birthday person doesn't pay for everyone, so pizza van & paying for drinks would be fine for me.

I don’t think the birthday one is a problem, we often go out for a meal with friends for their birthday and I don’t expect them to pay for everyone then, so I’d see it as being similar.
the wedding one is crazy though

I can’t perceive I’d decline a party invite though as I needed to buy a pizza if hungry,. I think that’s totally fine.

I think that wedding couple is going to be very surprised at how many people decline!

If you can't afford to pay for your wedding you should not be having one, or you should adapt it to what you can afford. Nobody is entitled to the big white wedding experience.

That’s awful about the wedding. Very tacky and cheap. If you can’t afford a big wedding or to feed everyone, save up and wait or have a small or cheaper wedding. Absolute CF’s!!

You would turn down a friends significant birthday because you have to buy your own pizza, should you want one?

I would never have the guts to do it but in your shoes I would love to reply to the wedding invite telling them I would love to attend but would be bringing a packed lunch.

I went to a wedding where there were envelopes to donate cash towards the meal instead of wedding gifts which was done really nicely and made clear it was optional and in a "instead of gifts or a honeymoon fund would you mind.." way. The meals were much cheaper though.

I'd be interested to know how this was worded though.

I'd regretfully decline the invite as it clashes with the dog's birthday.

The birthday one sounds OK though as it's just like if you go out for a meal

Yeah, that would be interesting!!

Love it 😀

Please share the wording! Maybe I can use this on my adult kids who come to eat!

I expect to pay for my drinks at a wedding but I would decline one where I had to pay for my food. Incredibly cheeky to ask for gift on top. The birthday I would be happy to attend as I could eat before if I wanted

The wedding invite is really off. If they can't afford to have a big wedding they could have a small wedding with just immediate family and then see others for drinks, not expect people to pay £100 a head!!!

The birthday party thing is a bit odd, but probably less of an issue. Pizza is likely to be quite cheap after all and I would think nothing of going to a restaurant for someone's birthday and then contributing towards the bull (including part of the cost of the person's whose birthday it was). Maybe the pizza van is similar.

But it's not just 'buy your own pizza', it's also 'buy your own drinks'. The hosts are providing nothing. That does not meet my definition of a party. But if it was my DH's friend and he was set on us going I'd probably still attend,

The B&G will be in for a nasty surprise when they find out how few people will be keen to come to the wedding. I suspect tantrums will follow.

It's just ridiculous that the bride and groom are expected to pay for everything. We're in a day and age now where often financial help from the family is not available.

WTF? Elope then! Or cut your cloth accordingly.

I wonder if this is venue driven as an attempt to keep bookings up as people look to cut costs.

On the invite it's asking us to pay for our food £100 each It's worded
as though they are doing us a favour as it's only £200 Plus asking us for
money for their honeymoon

It's definitely £200!!