Is this the new thing re parties and weddings.

[Cookiemonstersnana]

Last week we received a wedding invitation for the end of January.
On the invite it's asking us to pay for our food. £100 each. It's worded
as though they are doing us a favour as it's only £200. Plus asking us for
money for their honeymoon.

Then in the post this morning is an invite to a significant birthday for one of DHs
friends and this says there won't be a buffet but there will be a van outside where
we can BUY a pizza.
Both of these events is where we purchase our own drinks.

Jesus. If you can’t afford to make your wedding enjoyable for your guests, don’t have a wedding.

We provided canapés, champagne, cocktails on arrival and during photos, full sit down four course wedding breakfast and free drinks for our guests. They had a brilliant time. I hate weddings where the guests, who have probably paid a lot for accommodation and their outfits, are expected to pay for their drinks! It seems such a cheeky move from the bride and groom. If you invite people to come and celebrate with you, the least you can do is provide food and drink.

It’s the same when we have a party, we will always provide all the food and all the drink, we want people to enjoy themselves and go away thinking that was brilliant not ‘God I wish I hadn’t had to spend all that money’ 🙄

There is no way that I would entertain going to a wedding or a party like the OP describes. Pair
of cheeky fucks.

Oh I see! I read it as the meal was 'only' £200 a head and that the friend was doing OP a favour by 'only' asking for £100.

It's damn cheeky either way!

I agree with this really. If you invite people to something like a wedding or a big birthday party then you should pay for it.

I don't think it's the thing now. It's just two people getting married and throwing wedding reception they clearly can't afford.

if it was me I would google the wedding venue and look at thier packages - i bet the £100 includes the venure hire, dj, etc so you will all be paying for the whole wedding not just the food!!

I think the birthday is ok. If you don't want to buy a pizza you can eat before you go.

Paying for wedding food is well out if order though. If you can't afford a fancy dinner for your guests do something cheaper. A request for guests to bring something to share at a buffet would be more reasonable. A friend did this for a birthday once, you could bring a bag of crisps or some amazing homemade dish. Nobody was checking and there was tons of food to go round. People can do something within their own means. Dictating an overpriced meal guests have to pay for is totally wrong, especially if also asking for money for gift.

Are you close to the bride and groom, OP? I would be interested to hear how many acceptances they get!
The pizza wouldn't bother me. Guests can eat before they go if they don't want to buy one. I would actually prefer this option to a buffet.

Yeah I'd be declining that

Very cheeky, wedding totally out of order, for my 60 th went out with neighbours and close friends, I agreed to pay £25 each (16 in total) for their food, and they bought their own drinks, worked well, and I’d saved for it too

In some cultures, wedding guests are expected to "cover their plate" in terms of value of cash gift given (i.e. the gift you give should exceed what you expect the meal/ drinks to cost), so it's not unprecedented. However, upfront payment is cheeky AF.

The birthday I'd be less bothered about - I'd expect to pay my own way if we went out to a restaurant (and to cover the birthday boy/girl).

Not heard of having to pay for your own food at a wedding. If you can't afford to pay for a large wedding then I would scale back.

As for a party, I wouldn't be bothered about the food situation and would eat before I go or buy a pizza. Personally, if I'm throwing a party and it was in a bar I would open a tab for my guests to grab themselves a drink and lay on a buffet if the venue was suitable.

Cash bars at weddings are quite common though as others have said it's normal to have Prosecco/champagne/wine on the tables as 'freebies'.

Paying for your food? Nope.

Birthday parties - if I was asked to pay for my own food, it'd be a swift decline.

Re people comparing birthdays to going out for a meal, well, yes, I do that a lot. But getting food outside and paying for it at the birthday person's house? Why not just ask people to bring food?

You should have the wedding you can afford. If you can’t pay for it, don’t organise it.
Surely you can feed everyone at £100ph, instead of going for the £200 option and making guests pay half?

If it was a choice between paying for my own food or not attending a close friend's special event, then I'd be happy to pay for my food. In fact when my friend was having a teeny, tiny wedding because they couldn't afford anything, everyone in our friendship group offered to pay for their own meals so we could celebrate with them.
I wouldn't expect such an invite 'out of the blue' though. I'd expect a conversation about it first.

I'll guarantee the pizza van is either
a) doing a minimum spend, so the birthday boy will have to cover any shortfall
b) very new to the industry
c) utterly desperate

The chances of lots of fresh ingredients ending up in the bin is quite high - all it takes is a shortfall in the anticipated number of attendees, or people eating before they come, and all of a sudden the pizza van owner will have lost money.

I'd be fine with the birthday party, you have the option to eat before you go and paying for drinks is perfectly normal. It's usual to put on some food if you're hosting at a venue, even if it's just snacks, maybe they will but don't want people to turn up thinking there's a buffet, which is much worse.

The wedding is outrageous, how would you even manage that, will they be chasing guests for their money so they can post the caterer, mortifying, Id rather have a small wedding I could afford. Wanting a big wedding and expecting your guests to fund it is astonishingly entitled. I've never been to a wedding where I'd pay anything like £100 per head the catering, they're making a profit to fund the rest of the wedding.

its quite common in birthdays & anniversaries but not so much weddings yet. I'm happy as long as it's reasonable & in lieu of gift. If not, we can make our excuses & decline.

The only one I didn't like was a family member's anniversary at an expensive restaurant (couldn't decline). It cost too much, horrible menu & I had to forgo the discount anniversary cake so my DC could have some as dessert. It was tiny. They didn't even put out soft drink, water or any entrees - not even garlic bread, so we were starving. It felt incredibly stingy. I didn't enjoy it at all.

Yeah but here they want them to literally pay for their meal and then give a cash gift. That's "covering your plate" twice over!

I've heard of one or two weddings where you were expected to pay for your own meal, but this was where the couple are hard up and it was a small wedding at somewhere very low-key (local pub etc). You wouldn't be expected to donate to a honeymoon on top of that. I'd definitely not go to one at £100 per head.
The birthday party, not sure, doesn't sound too bad but depends on what else is provided. Is the birthday person just paying for a hall? If they're doing entertainment, decorations and such and they are generally nice people I would be tempted to go, even if just to show my face for a couple of hours.

I feel very strongly that, if you want the love, support and jubilations of family and friends to celebrate your special day, you need to show gratitude for them being there for you by feeding, watering them and making sure they are looked after. Guests are doing the party hosts a good turn, not the reverse!!!

The wedding I'd definitely decline. I'd expect to pay for drinks (on top of outfit/travel/gift/possibly accommodation) but not food. If they can't afford to feed guests they should have a smaller wedding.

The birthday party I'd probably consider. Personally if I was arranging a party and sending invites then I'd lay on some food, but as long as the arrangement isn't too expensive I'd think about it. At least with this one you can choose how much you spend at the pizza van.

Party is fine. We quite often go to a restaurant to celebrate friends birthdays and we pay for our own food.

Wedding is absolutely ridiculous. To ask for cash instead of presents is absolutely fine but it should be whatever the guests decide to give, not a set fee. No way would I spend £300+ for a wedding plus accommodation, travel and outfits unless it was family!!

The birthday thing wouldn't bother me.
Cash bars don't bother me unless there's no free water.
The wedding WOULD bother me unless it was small and low-key in a pub where everyone could order off the menu or something. For a close friend I'd suck it up and go, but I wouldn't buy another gift.

@MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake I suppose they're potentially paying to hire a room and for a DJ/entertainment, decorations etc. I'd expect at least some basic food to be out out at some point though to soak up alcohol even just crisps and sandwiches and some cake.

The worst is turning up to a party you're expecting to find is being catered and finding it's not I went to a party once where people were popping out to get food and coming back and even ordering pizza to the venue for dc.