Is this the new thing re parties and weddings.

[Cookiemonstersnana]

Last week we received a wedding invitation for the end of January.
On the invite it's asking us to pay for our food. £100 each. It's worded
as though they are doing us a favour as it's only £200. Plus asking us for
money for their honeymoon.

Then in the post this morning is an invite to a significant birthday for one of DHs
friends and this says there won't be a buffet but there will be a van outside where
we can BUY a pizza.
Both of these events is where we purchase our own drinks.

It's basically people wanting what they cannot afford and then putting the cost on other people

Absolutely - though I'd like to think this is a leg-pull but am afraid it's not

I guess it was only a matter of time really, and that "how could you object to a request for a cash gift" will turn into "what's the difference in them doing it this way - oh, and you can't possibly turn up without a gift as well"

Top tier cfs!

It sounds like the £100ph covers the whole wedding pp, and they are trying to cover the cost via guests. You want to hope they haven’t put down big deposits to secure the day, since they won’t cover the costs with those sort of invites!

just wait a week till they post on mn complaining that nobody is coming to their wedding and they’ve lost thousands in deposits!

only other thing I can possibly fathom to put this on an invite is if they are actually hoping it deters guests they feel obligated to invite but don’t want them to actually come.

op are you close to the b&g?

and yes! Post the wording!

Completely agree with this! We did exactly the same at our wedding and significant birthday parties. Paid for everything.

The wedding invite the Op describes reads like some kind of Ponzi scheme the bride & groom are running 😏.

Olympic level CFs!🏆
If you cant afford a big instagram wedding, don't put the cost of it on your guests fgs! Just have a smaller wedding within your budget!

The guests are bankrolling the wedding!
£100 per guest 😳
You must surely be paying for the wedding party and drinks, cake and perhaps more!
£30-£35 a head is ample for a few courses.

I don’t think I could look past such CF behaviour. I wouldn’t want anything to do with them.
I hope everyone declines - what a disgrace

Wedding - that is terrible form. If you can't afford it, scale it back to something you can and keep it simple......
they might as well go the whole hog and just put up a crowdfunder for it.

Birthday invite is fine!

What happens at these affairs if the pizza van turns up and not a single guest buys one?

Do the hosts have to shell out a cover charge or something?

If the bparty is in the evening & people will have had an evening meal before going that's not too much of a problem I wouldn't have thought.

I guess pizza might not be to everyone's taste but at least they know what's on offer.

You cannot be serious!

Why should the bride and groom pay for everything, because it is their wedding. Don't have the wedding at a swanky hotel, cut back on stuff but don't ask your guests or family to pay for your wants.

If I pay towards the wedding, do I get a say in how many bridesmaids, what the cake is etc etc?

Very cringey. Totally people having an event they can’t afford by getting guests to pay for it. For a wedding this is really bad, for the birthday I think this is more common. Personally I think if you want people to celebrate your birthday you should pay and host. Or have something low key and affordable like meeting for drinks.

Friends party is fine. Been to several like that

The wedding is a bit more wierd but. I would have phrased it differently. Eg instead of buying is gifts we would prefer you to pay for your meal as the best gift we could have is your attendance I wouldn't expect a gift on top

No not usually, that’s the risk they take. Not sure it’s ever happened before though, folks get a few drinks and fancy a pizza.

The wedding would be a solid no from me. If the couple wasn't very well off then a much cheaper meal could have been sorted, or some hog roast/fish and chip van type meal. Asking guests to subsidize your expensive choices is cheeky fuckery territory.

The drinks is fair enough, free bars is rare I think. But would expect a glass of something at the reception, meal and to toast. The rest I would imagine I'd paid for myself.

The birthday is also fine, as it is less enforced than the wedding meal (eating before you come or spending a tenner on pizza is a lot less awkward than sitting with an empty plate at the wedding)

For those reasons I'd attend the birthday but not the wedding

That’s absolutely fine for a birthday IMO but not at all ok for a wedding.

Your guests are there to share your marriage and also very importantly to enjoy themselves.
We had cocktails, beers, tea/coffee, scones, cookies, ice cream and a hot food option on arrival. We thought it was a long wait until 6pm for the meal especially for guests who had traveled far.
Meal was a 5 course with wine. Then later on in night there was option of having fish and chips. At breakfast the next morning there were guests saying they were still full and couldn’t have a full breakfast.
There were cheaper packages and we decided to go more expensive even if it meant we needed to be very strict about numbers. Have the wedding you can afford.

The first is cheeky and I'd decline the invite.

The second is reasonable. Eat before you go. No one is forcing you buy food. And the food shouldn't be too expensive if its out the back of a streetfood van. I'd be fine with that.

I agree with others that the wedding is ridiculous, but the birthday party is fine (and in fact sounds fun).

I think its tacky beyond belief. Cut your cloth accordingly, if you can't afford to feed x number of guests then you reduce your invite list. To have to pay for my meal as well as a gift, an outfit, shoes and maybe hair and makeup the cost would outweigh my willingness to attend. I'd rather go to a buffet of my own choosing. I'd decline.

I’ve not come across either.
The wedding one is just cheeky. Can’t afford a big do then just tailor accordingly - ceremony & yea and cake in church hall etc.
Party one I’d think was a bit odd but less cheeky than wedding.

The birthday pizza thing is fine.

£200 wedding food plus gift is cf and I'd decline.

Neither of these are new.

I worked as a wedding planner over ten years ago and I remember a few guests back then asking if it would be ok to ask guests to ‘contribute’. This has been discussed on MN a few times in the last perhaps couple of years.

Burger/pizza/ice-cream/any kind of ‘pop up’ food van arriving at parties/end of the night at weddings etc this has been popular for a few years, Often the host (person who booked it) but not always.

I know you’ve declined wedding but do love suggestion of thank you for invite it’s ok we’ll bring a packed lunch or will get a domino’s delivery etc.

Oops typo! I meant a few couples not guests.

Oh another typo! That should read the host or person that booked it pays but not always.

There was a long thread on here where op had a food van and bride & groom were wanting guests to buy food but hadn’t told them so she didn’t want gig as no guarantees how much would sell plus potential awkwardness if guests queued up thinking food was paid for by bride & groom.