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Original poster

Is this the new thing re parties and weddings.

232 replies

Cookiemonstersnana · 17/10/2022 12:16

Last week we received a wedding invitation for the end of January.
On the invite it's asking us to pay for our food. £100 each. It's worded
as though they are doing us a favour as it's only £200. Plus asking us for
money for their honeymoon.

Then in the post this morning is an invite to a significant birthday for one of DHs
friends and this says there won't be a buffet but there will be a van outside where
we can BUY a pizza.
Both of these events is where we purchase our own drinks.

OP posts:
AnApparitionQuipped · 17/10/2022 13:03

pinkyredrose · 17/10/2022 13:02

On the invite it's asking us to pay for our food £100 each It's worded
as though they are doing us a favour as it's only £200 Plus asking us for
money for their honeymoon

It's definitely £200!!

Show quote history

I read it that it was 2 x £100; i.e. £100 each for OP and her H.

mondaytosunday · 17/10/2022 13:04

You invite you pay. Never heard of asking to (part) cover the cost of a wedding! Plus then ask for a gift!
And the birthday - it's one thing saying 'let's all go out celebrate X's birthday' where I would expect to pay for my food plus a share of the birthday person, but if invited to a party you don't pay. Ridiculous.

Family121 · 17/10/2022 13:04

Wedding - no, unless it includes drinks through out the evening.

Birthday party -yes, I’ve been to lots of significant birthdays that have costs more than a £20 pizza.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
AnApparitionQuipped · 17/10/2022 13:04

Betcha this thread ends up in the Mail!

marsbara · 17/10/2022 13:04

I went to a really fun wedding which had street food vendors for the food. We were each given three tokens which enabled us to get a starter/main or a main/pudding plus 1 drink. Anything above that we paid for but they were reasonable prices (like £3.50 upwards). It was a lovely, memorable wedding and meant the couple could have more people there. No one minded contributing, but wow £100 per head for food? Not a chance!

latetothefisting · 17/10/2022 13:06

Wedding - ridiculous and no way I'd be going!

Birthday - hmm I can sort of see in that (at least in my group) if we went for a meal for someone's birthday we would just pay for our own food and drink anyway, and at least there you could get away with not eating, which you couldn't in a restaurant....but yes it is cheeky to frame it as a party when basically the only thing the organisers are doing is sorting the venue!

It is definitely becoming a thing though. I was invited to a hen party at the hens home recently and asked to pay £50 to attend and bring my own drinks. I did not attend....hen is very well off as well, and this was after the "abroad hen" where those that went had already paid out hundreds!

As a pp said they want the Instagram look of an event but don't want to pay for it!

tigger1001 · 17/10/2022 13:06

Paying a set amount for the wedding food is not usual and I would decline on that basis. Paying for drinks is certainly the norm where I am. Most will get a glass of something on arrival and maybe the toast.

The birthday party though sounds fine.it's very much the norm here to buy your own drinks. The pizza van sounds great too. No obligation to but, you could always just have dinner before you go to the party.

antipodeancanary · 17/10/2022 13:06

The wedding one is just terrible nothing more needs to be said. But the birthday party is also terrible. You can't invite people to your birthday party and provide absolutely nothing. How can you host a 'party' and offer your guests nothing?

PugInTheHouse · 17/10/2022 13:10

The birthday party sounds fine, what a great idea. No different than meeting friends out for dinner to celebrate a birthday. In RL most people like to celebrate birthdays etc with friends but can't afford to put on a full sit down meal for a load of people. I'd much rather pay my own way for that sort of thing.

Wedding - absolutely not. So cheeky!! I would expect to pay for drinks with the exception of perhaps a welcome drink, glass of wine with meal and toast drink which there has been at every wedding I've attended.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 17/10/2022 13:10

antipodeancanary · 17/10/2022 13:06

The wedding one is just terrible nothing more needs to be said. But the birthday party is also terrible. You can't invite people to your birthday party and provide absolutely nothing. How can you host a 'party' and offer your guests nothing?

Exactly. how can anyone call that a party?

PugInTheHouse · 17/10/2022 13:11

Should have said re the birthday, as long as you know in advance re food or bringing drinks then surely its fine as you can make your own decision. If any friends didn't attend a general birthday party because they didn't get all food and drinks provided for free aren't really friends.

Doowop1919 · 17/10/2022 13:13

I wouldn't be bothered about the birthday just because if I went out for a meal with my friend for their birthday, I'd expect to pay for my food.

The wedding is an absolute joke though and I wouldn't even go.

Fundays12 · 17/10/2022 13:13

Never heard of it. I wouldn’t be going to the one at £100 each as that’s just ridiculous and outright rude especially asking I too for money for a honeymoon. The one with the pizza is it a small wedding on a very tight budget? If so I could understand that and if they were close friends or family would go.

Fundays12 · 17/10/2022 13:14

Fundays12 · 17/10/2022 13:13

Never heard of it. I wouldn’t be going to the one at £100 each as that’s just ridiculous and outright rude especially asking I too for money for a honeymoon. The one with the pizza is it a small wedding on a very tight budget? If so I could understand that and if they were close friends or family would go.

Sorry the pizza one is a birthday I think it’s ok.

Cantstandbullshit · 17/10/2022 13:15

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ReadySetDontGo · 17/10/2022 13:18

The wedding is batshit and the party comes close as you have to buy both drinks and food. And I assume gifts. No way would I go.

RonSwansonsChair · 17/10/2022 13:19

The birthday I may or may not attend, but the wedding absolutely not! Have only heard of this sort of thing on MN, never in real life.

ReadySetDontGo · 17/10/2022 13:20

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 17/10/2022 13:10

Exactly. how can anyone call that a party?

Show quote history

This. They should have just said let’s all go out for a drink together!

washingbasketqueen · 17/10/2022 13:22

The wedding one is ridiculous but the party one is fine. I'd never expect a friend to feed me on their birthday when we go out (we pay for the birthday person) and I always buy my own drinks. If you don't want pizza- eat before you go. Sounds like it'll be quite informal.

Frankola · 17/10/2022 13:23

It's basically people wanting what they cannot afford and then putting the cost on other people.

For the birthday party, I'd have food before I went, not buy food at the pizza van, and if I was hungry, order pizza once I got home.

I would say no to the wedding unless it was a very very close relative or friend. That one in particular is CF!

PaniniHead · 17/10/2022 13:23

£100 per person for food- bet you’re paying for the venue with that too.

MarigoldMoonStone · 17/10/2022 13:24

I think pizza van at party is fine, but £100 for wedding meal just seems wrong - invite less people, or change your whole wedding plans if you can't afford it

balalake · 17/10/2022 13:24

A new one on me, and I hope by now the OP has sent a polite no to attending.

Favouritefruits · 17/10/2022 13:24

It’s not what I’d do but I kind of get the party with a pizza van and understand it’s a party but you can buy yourself pizza if you get hungry - fine. but the wedding one is very odd and unusual it’s a lot of money to attend a wedding, I wouldn’t go to a restaurant and spend £100 on a meal so I certainly wouldn’t pay it for a wedding where I have no choice on what I eat. If the wedding was £25 a head and I knew the couple where strapped for cash I’d think about it but no way at £100.

ReadySetDontGo · 17/10/2022 13:26

Curious about the wedding, if you became ill the day before and couldn’t go - would you still have to pay the £100 as I assume they would already have ordered and paid for the food? Almost worth trying..cf’s! 🙃