Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I can't afford to live normally anymore, what's the point?

467 replies

savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:22

No this isn't a suicidal thread! I'm not depressed. But I don't see a way out and it's terrifying

I don't have enough money coming in to cover food for myself properly. I'm living on soup and a few handouts from church (that I don't attend)

Now, I can't work so what do I do?

I'm a carer for my disabled child. When he's at school, I'm sleeping mostly or running errands that need doing, life admin etc

My monthly income no longer covers everything. There is no wiggle room, and I don't even have 'Netflix' or Spotify - my mum pays for my account as it's her family account

My son does swimming and horse riding but they're paid for by his DLA.

What on earth do I do? No it isn't a begging thread before someone reports me - My mum and dad will certainly feed me if I was starving or short!! But others aren't so fortunate to have family help if they're desperate

OP posts:
Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:24

Sorry didn't even explain what my post is about Blush

Basically, what's the point if this is just life for so many now?

I have a responsibility- my son. I can't 'go' anywhere. I'm obliged to stay, and I shall because he's my everything and more. But honestly, it's fucking depressing isn't it?

OP posts:
Joopy · 15/10/2022 20:25

Could you stop the horse-riding and use that money for essentials?

Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:26

@Joopy all my son's essentials relating to him are covered - so extra electricity usage for tumble drier (please don't ask), food he likes and will eat, everything

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 15/10/2022 20:28

Presumably you're claiming Carer's Allowance, Universal Credit and Council Tax Reduction? What about cheaper tariffs for water and other bills (you qualify if you're on means-tested benefits with an income under the threshold).

You could contact your local Citizens Advice to ask about any help available. There are various grants, the Household Support Fund is just one, and there are others. In my city there are various sources of free/low cost food that citizens advice can signpost or refer people to. Some advisers offer budgeting help and can find lots of ways to cut down costs that people might not have thought of. Cheaper tv licence, energy grants, that kind of thing.

ChickpeaPie · 15/10/2022 20:28

could you not go to work while he’s at school?

asdadult · 15/10/2022 20:28

If you can't afford both the swimming and the horse riding then one or both will have to go.

I'm sorry. It's rotten.

Adelyra · 15/10/2022 20:28

Could you get your parents to look after your son at the week end and do pub shifts?

Go on Turn2us and double-check that you are in receipt of every benefit possible?

Why do you need to sleep during the day? Does DC's disability require that you stay awake to mind them in the night?

Does DC have another parent?

It is good to take food from churches you don't attend. It saves food going to waste.

Anydaynowonewouldhope · 15/10/2022 20:28

Can you do call centre work from home?

jd88123 · 15/10/2022 20:29

Hi op could you do a work from home job when your son is at school? I'm sure that would help or do Avon or similar?

Kentgirl2525 · 15/10/2022 20:30

What about his father? Does he contribute towards him?
hirse riding is pretty expensive I think that has to go if it’s a case of not enough money for basics!
can you not work when he’s at school?

MbatataOwl · 15/10/2022 20:30

You need to stop the swimming and/ or riding lessons and use the money to feed yourself.

Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:30

ChickpeaPie · 15/10/2022 20:28

could you not go to work while he’s at school?

Not that it'll make much difference, I've done the calculations, but I'm sleeping!'or trying to anyway

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 15/10/2022 20:31

I agree with PPs about the horse riding and swimming, btw. I think you'll have to stop one of those. Ridiculous for you to be going hungry while paying for extras like that, even if they do feel essential to him, he'll have to manage without one of them.

Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:31

MbatataOwl · 15/10/2022 20:30

You need to stop the swimming and/ or riding lessons and use the money to feed yourself.

No. That money isn't mine. It's my son's. It's his DLA

OP posts:
Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:31

AnotherEmma · 15/10/2022 20:31

I agree with PPs about the horse riding and swimming, btw. I think you'll have to stop one of those. Ridiculous for you to be going hungry while paying for extras like that, even if they do feel essential to him, he'll have to manage without one of them.

Thing is that money isn't for me, it's my son's. It isn't for me to eat well, it's for him and his disability, to make life easier for him

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 15/10/2022 20:32

"What about his father? Does he contribute towards him?"

Very good question. Do you get child maintenance, OP?

Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:32

AnotherEmma · 15/10/2022 20:32

"What about his father? Does he contribute towards him?"

Very good question. Do you get child maintenance, OP?

I use to get £400 a month. But my ex is seriously unwell recovering from septic shock and has been for a little over 18 months now... he isn't working still

OP posts:
Icecreamandapplepie · 15/10/2022 20:33

Sorry if it sounds rude, but why are you sleeping while your son is at school?

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 15/10/2022 20:33

asdadult · 15/10/2022 20:28

If you can't afford both the swimming and the horse riding then one or both will have to go.

I'm sorry. It's rotten.

They are paid for by DLA, cancelling them won't save her any money

VampireCat · 15/10/2022 20:33

savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:31

Thing is that money isn't for me, it's my son's. It isn't for me to eat well, it's for him and his disability, to make life easier for him

Show quote history

It’s there to pay the bills primarily. If it doesn’t cover that you’ll need to get a job, from home if necessary.

Teresa777 · 15/10/2022 20:34

Icecreamandapplepie · 15/10/2022 20:33

Sorry if it sounds rude, but why are you sleeping while your son is at school?

Presumably because she's bloody exhausted as a single parent to a disabled son.

Bunsandtophats · 15/10/2022 20:34

If you won't stop the horse riding and swimming then you'll have to find work to bring in extra. It's what we other parents have to do to live.

AnotherEmma · 15/10/2022 20:34

savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:26

@Joopy all my son's essentials relating to him are covered - so extra electricity usage for tumble drier (please don't ask), food he likes and will eat, everything

This is what DLA is for; to cover the additional costs of disability.
Where does the money for those come from if not from his DLA?
Carer's Allowance and UC are not generous, so you won't have a lot extra, I'm not surprised you're struggling if you're not using DLA for these extra expenses.

MbatataOwl · 15/10/2022 20:35

No. That money isn't mine. It's my son's. It's his DLA

And how will he do when his mother faints from lack of food?

Just get a grip and use the money to buy food. Food is an essential.

itsnotdeep · 15/10/2022 20:35

Have you phoned your Local Authority? The household support fund might help you.

I'd also suggest checking you're getting all the benefits you're entitled to. And making a CMS claim if you haven't already.

Turn2Us will also direct you to any grants that you might be able to claim (for example Buttle give hardship grants to help children).