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Original poster

I can't afford to live normally anymore, what's the point?

467 replies

savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:22

No this isn't a suicidal thread! I'm not depressed. But I don't see a way out and it's terrifying

I don't have enough money coming in to cover food for myself properly. I'm living on soup and a few handouts from church (that I don't attend)

Now, I can't work so what do I do?

I'm a carer for my disabled child. When he's at school, I'm sleeping mostly or running errands that need doing, life admin etc

My monthly income no longer covers everything. There is no wiggle room, and I don't even have 'Netflix' or Spotify - my mum pays for my account as it's her family account

My son does swimming and horse riding but they're paid for by his DLA.

What on earth do I do? No it isn't a begging thread before someone reports me - My mum and dad will certainly feed me if I was starving or short!! But others aren't so fortunate to have family help if they're desperate

OP posts:
Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:35

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie I need sleep to survive Grin I wish I didn't! And I can cope on only small amounts, but I still need some

My son needs 24/7 supervision whilst he's awake - he only sleeps 3-4 hours a night

OP posts:
ladywithnomanors · 15/10/2022 20:35

You need to get some type of work while he’s at school. Or use his DLA for essentials.

WaddleAway · 15/10/2022 20:35

Well I don’t know about the OP but I sleep when my autistic son is at nursery because he’s awake most of the night, and therefore I am too.
It’s rubbish OP, I get you. Are you claiming everything it’s possible for you to claim?

WhatsAVideo · 15/10/2022 20:35

Are you claiming the Severely Disabled Child element of UC?

If PPs asking about child support had any knowledge of the system, they’d know it’s toothless and useless - speaking as someone who’s had 5 payments in 7.5 years via their “Collect and Pay” service, because they just don’t give a shit, they don’t keep tabs when they move jobs and God help you if they’re self employed.

DLA is to cover all expenses for the disabled child and make their life easier. It’s not there to cover basic bills.

Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:35

@AnotherEmma They are used for that - his payments cover all of that

OP posts:
MintJulia · 15/10/2022 20:36

But you are a family and all monies are to make your life together work, including things like heating your home and eating. your son won't last long if you starve.

You either need to increase your income by getting a job, or you need to reduce costs (cut out horse riding).

What did you do for a job before you had your son?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/10/2022 20:36

Thing is that money isn't for me, it's my son's. It isn't for me to eat well, it's for him and his disability, to make life easier for him

How hard would his life be if you became malnourished.l? The first rule of looking after kids is make sure you are OK, then you can look after them properly. The money IS for you to eat well. Then you can look after him properly.

This is more important than horse riding. Swimming is a life skill and could be carried on. But not horse riding. Can’t you see the sense?

WhatsAVideo · 15/10/2022 20:36

VampireCat · 15/10/2022 20:33

It’s there to pay the bills primarily. If it doesn’t cover that you’ll need to get a job, from home if necessary.

Show quote history

No, it’s not. It’s made very clear on the award letter what the money is for.

Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:37

What did you do for a job before you had your son?

Personal assistant (NHS)

OP posts:
TheHouseonHauntedHill · 15/10/2022 20:37

My dm got this for dsis and it was paid to her to use on what she saw fit?

So if she wanted to pay for horse riding or swimming that was her choice? At this moment in time something needs to give.

Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:38

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 15/10/2022 20:37

My dm got this for dsis and it was paid to her to use on what she saw fit?

So if she wanted to pay for horse riding or swimming that was her choice? At this moment in time something needs to give.

You can't just spend it on what you see fit. The award letter explains it's for the disabled person And the disabled person only

OP posts:
Kentgirl2525 · 15/10/2022 20:38

I don’t understand how you are paying for horse riding over eating. If you have to sleep in the day as he’s awake all night so can’t get a job then horse riding has to go. I’m not sure how you can’t see this…. It’s a very expensive hobby that most can’t afford especially if prioritising this over basics in life.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 15/10/2022 20:38

One of the biggest costs of raising a disabled child if you have to care for them full time is loss of income. It's OK to use DLA to pay for families basic needs. I did.

VampireCat · 15/10/2022 20:39

WhatsAVideo · 15/10/2022 20:36

No, it’s not. It’s made very clear on the award letter what the money is for.

Show quote history

And you honestly think a family where the mum isn’t eating should spend money on horse riding lessons? It’s there for the extra expenses caused by the disability, which in this case are that mum can’t work as many hours as she otherwise might. So it covers that. Which is the electric bill.

Original poster
savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:40

Should also add the horse riding is probably a lot less expensive than people are thinking -

£20 a month. It's every fortnight. My son has the mental age of 0-11 months (across all reports). Horses have taken him into a different planet. I can't stop it. I can't. It's made him

A place with a disabled facility with horses is as rare as hens teeth around here too

OP posts:
MbatataOwl · 15/10/2022 20:40

Stop the swimming lessons then.

Babyroobs · 15/10/2022 20:41

Is your rent exceeding your Uc rent element? Just asking as this can cause hardship. Are you sure your Uc elements are all correct as it sounds like your son has high needs, if he is on higher rate care component of DLA he should have the higher disabled child element which alone is over £400 and then potentially £600 DLA on top if on highest rates ? I appreciate he may not be on highest rates.

MintJulia · 15/10/2022 20:41

If you were a PA, why don't you consider working as a virtual PA, when he's at school? You can work from home. Don't waste anything on commuting. It would be very economical to set up.

Johnnysgirl · 15/10/2022 20:41

savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:24

Sorry didn't even explain what my post is about Blush

Basically, what's the point if this is just life for so many now?

I have a responsibility- my son. I can't 'go' anywhere. I'm obliged to stay, and I shall because he's my everything and more. But honestly, it's fucking depressing isn't it?

Why is your child doing horse riding when you literally can't afford to eat?

catfunk · 15/10/2022 20:41

Agree stop swimming lessons then.
Or cut them down to fortnightly.

Pikafuckingwho · 15/10/2022 20:42

I would stop the swimming lessons then, for now.

I know how hard it is as I’m a single parent of a child with needs but you must use the DLA to cover things for you as well. The DLA I received went into a pot where her needs were met and then that helped me care for the other two as well.

itsgettingweird · 15/10/2022 20:42

DLA is to be used for the child.

But it doesn't say only for the child or child's activities.

For the child includes things like housing, food, heating, healthy parents.

I used my ds to pay for someone to take him out for the day every other week.

By doing this I could work when he was at school because I could catch up on sleep on those days.

That maybe something worthwhile considering OP?

Also look at charities to see what they can offer you.

You may be able to get a grant to cover 6 months of riding and then use that money for essentials such as feeding yourself as his carer.

Also check you are getting the right amount. So full DLA as he requires day and night care. The disability element of CTC or caters element of UC whatever you claim.

AnotherEmma · 15/10/2022 20:42

savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:40

Should also add the horse riding is probably a lot less expensive than people are thinking -

£20 a month. It's every fortnight. My son has the mental age of 0-11 months (across all reports). Horses have taken him into a different planet. I can't stop it. I can't. It's made him

A place with a disabled facility with horses is as rare as hens teeth around here too

OK, I can absolutely why you wouldn't want to give that up.

i think if you'd explained the cost, the fact that it's horse riding for disabled children and doing him a huge amount of good, you'd have had fewer people (myself included Blush) telling you to stop.

You've responded to a lot of posts but not my suggestion to contact your local Citizens Advice. I really think they would help.

Aspiringmatriarch · 15/10/2022 20:43

This sounds so tough. I understand why you don't want to cut out the things that have probably made a huge difference to your son's wellbeing. What about if you moved in with your parents - do they have space? Would that work? It sounds like a lonely life, I'd want to be with people who loved me and my son, assuming they're supportive. It may give you some leeway to do something for yourself now and then as well.

Babyroobs · 15/10/2022 20:43

If your child is on highest rates of DLA which he sounds like he would be, that is £600 a month. Swimming lessons and pony riding isn't going to cost that ? Or do you have a motorbility car in lieu of payments?

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